Shift
by BensonKnowsBest
Summary: He has been her one-man crash course in self-discipline for 14 years. But now something has shifted. She is finally slipping. Will she let herself fall? Will she let him catch her? Come along as they navigate their path to the love that they've denied themselves for so long. The story assumes that Elliot Stabler never retired.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia looked up from her paperwork and sighed. She closed the file in front of her and began to push her chair back from her desk.

Elliot threw his eyes toward her, his head still angled toward his paperwork. "Done?" he asked from the desk across from hers.

"For tonight anyway," she answered.

"You okay?" he inquired, studying the worn look in her eyes.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Some are just harder than others."

"That's what makes it worthwhile, you know?"

"I know," she said, reaching into her desk drawer for her purse.

"You outta here?"

"Yeah El, I'm tired."

"You should be."

She stood slowly, pulled her jacket from the back of her chair, and paused for a moment, glancing over at Elliot. He did not look up until she spoke.

"El ...," she began with hesitation. "Can I tell you something?"

He dropped his pen, leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head. "Absolutely."

Olivia slowly made her way around her desk toward Elliot. He could sense her hesitation. "What's wrong, Liv?"

She moved between him and his desk and looked into his eyes. Torn between her heart and her mind, she put her right hand on Elliot's left cheek and slowly drew her head toward his. Olivia's eyes slipped closed as she brought her lips gently to Elliott's. He froze momentarily, then finally dropped his hands from behind his head, closed his eyes and drew his hand up Olivia's arm.

The moment was fleeting but sweet. Olivia slowly pulled away and despite her fear of what she might see, opened her eyes to find his. She smiled slightly, watching his small smile turn into a smirk. "Yeah?" he asked.

She laughed a little. "Yeah," she said, picked up her jacket and, with one more small smile for Elliot, his eyes now gleaming, she started for the door.

"Liv ...," he tried to stall her.

"Tomorrow, Elliot. We'll talk tomorrow," she said, smiling over her shoulder and making her way through the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Elliot made his way into the office after one of the longest nights of his life. As much as he'd been tempted to call her last night, reach out to her in the wake of their intimate moment, he thought it best to obey her wishes and wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow was here and his stomach was in his throat as he approached their desks with coffees in hand. She glanced up from behind a soft wisp of hair that hung over her right eye. He smiled. "Hey."

Her eyes traveled from the upturned corners of his mouth to the coffee cups in his hands and she smiled too, offering a friendly "Hey" in return. They were good. There were butterflies, but not trouble.

"What we got?" he inquired.

"Quiet so far," Olivia said. "I figure we should follow up on the Milligan case today."

"Okay. How about I turn this file over to Cragen and we head over to do the re-interview?"

Olivia nodded.

Elliot returned a few minutes later. Olivia rose from her chair, slipped her badge onto her belt and followed her partner of 14 years out of the precinct. They drove in silence for a few minutes, Elliot stealing short glances at her in the passenger seat from his peripheral vision.

She could feel his eyes, followed by that flutter. That _damn_ flutter. "El ...," she began, but he was quicker.

"It was nice, ya know?" This time he looked over with intent and caught her eyes.

She couldn't help but smile, no doubt in her mind that he was referring to their kiss. "Yeah it was."

"Can I tell _you_ something?"

"Sure," she laughed.

"You're stronger than me, Liv. You had the guts to do what I've wanted to for years."


	3. Chapter 3

They didn't speak of it the rest of the day. They completed the re-canvas, grabbed lunch from a street vendor, and met with the Milligan woman. Around 4:30, Elliot brought the brown sedan to a stop along the curb outside the precinct. "I guess compared to yesterday, we can call today a quiet day," he said.

"I needed a quiet day." Olivia said. "I'm gonna freshen up."

Elliot's desk chair creaked as he leaned back and glanced at the entrance to the locker room. He wanted to talk to her but feared pushing the subject might push _her_ too far. Yet the day was waning and there was more he needed to know, more he needed to say.

Curiosity delivered a knockout punch to his better judgment and Elliot rose from his chair and headed for the locker room. He slowly pushed the door open to find Olivia seated on the far bench, facing the lockers with her head resting in her hands. She was startled from her thoughts when she heard him come in.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, El," she began, struggling for words, but well aware that she'd promised him they'd talk. "Listen ... I'm not sure what to say, how to explain it."

"I'm not sure you have to."

She rose and turned toward him, letting her weight fall against the locker behind her. "I feel like I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me a thing, Liv," Elliott assured as he started toward her. "I get it. Trust me ... I get it."

Olivia's breath hitched as she felt him draw near, closing the personal space they'd silently erected between them years ago. She knew it was coming, but the kiss Elliot tenderly placed on her lips still took her by surprise. She stomached the initial shock and relaxed into his lips. Elliot felt her body soften and smiled against her mouth, pulling away to find her eyes and, hopefully, an answer to his silent question.

She smiled and ran her hand down his left arm slowly. Elliot leaned in again, and Olivia wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him closer. God it felt so good to kiss him after all these years of wondering and waiting. He'd been her one-man course in self-discipline and now something had shifted. She was finally slipping. Elliot slid his hand along her jaw, her hair falling softly along his knuckles. The moan slipped past her lips as she felt his fingertips navigate her cheek to her neck, holding her against his hungry mouth. Dammit. She had nothing left.

Olivia's lips parted, and Elliot's tongue slipped into her mouth. His stubbled face brushed roughly over her skin as the kiss consumed them. She felt him press against her and knew that if she felt _it_, it would be her undoing. Elliot slowed the kiss and rested his forehead against hers, thumbing her cheek softly as they slowed their breathing.

"You have to know, Liv."

"I do," she breathed at him.

"I have wanted to tell you, show you."

"Shhhh." She urged his lips back to hers.

Elliot let out a low growl and pressed Olivia harder into the lockers behind her. She tried to brace herself to keep room between his body and hers. She wanted to feel him. God, she did. But if his hips met hers, she wouldn't be able to maintain any boundaries. She had an idea of how far she wanted this to go tonight. How far her mind wanted it to go anyway. And they were currently tiptoeing along that line.

As their lips and tongues tangled, she scratched her fingernails along the short hairs at the back of his neck. Elliot's right hand slid down from her neck and rested on her left hip. Olivia felt his fingertips slip under the hemline of her blouse. All of her neurons were firing now. The heat between them was consuming. Olivia knew it was time to shut it down, push the pause button and settle down. But when the fingertips of Elliot's right hand met the soft skin of her abdomen, she was drawn into a fiery battle between her body and her brain.

Elliot was lost in her. In her scent, in her sounds, and now her skin. He dragged his hand up her body and splayed his fingers over her bra-covered breast. Olivia wimpered. My God. Elliot's hand was on her breast, his mouth on hers and his front pressing her against the lockers. Elliot stroked his thumb across her hardened nipple and kissed her harder.

He was in trouble. He was thankful for every moment she met his mouth and savored the fact that she was letting him touch her. He wanted more, and his body was dangerously close to shifting into automatic pilot. But he could feel her start to tense. Too much was happening too fast.

As Elliot's right hand massaged her breast, his left drifted toward the button on her slacks. That's when an alarm sounded in Olivia's head and she breathed a protest at him. "Stop, El, stop," she said breathily.

She wasn't entirely convinced of her own words, but she'd delivered them firmly enough that he stopped and pulled his mouth away. He pulled his hands from her body and raised them near his head, as if in surrender. "God Liv, I'm sorry."

As he went to pull away, she grabbed his arm. "Don't be."

She rubbed her hands over her face and started again, wanting her message to be clear. "Please don't think I don't want this. My God, my body is screaming right now. But I need a minute, I need time to think about what we're doing."

"I know. You're right," he said pacing in front of her. They were silent a minute, as their breathing slowed and Olivia straightened her blouse.

"Not here," she offered. She wasn't slamming the door shut.

"Again, you're right," Elliot agreed, rubbing his hand through his hair as he continued to pace to calm his body.

"Do me a favor?" Olivia asked.

"Absolutely."

"I'm gonna head home. Call me tonight?"

Elliot turned to face her before pushing out of the locker room. "I will."


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia slipped through her apartment door, plopped her purse and keys on the side table, and dropped her weight against the door, pushing it closed behind her.

She looked up, at nothing really, as if she was replaying the day on her own private movie screen. When she got to a particularly dramatic scene in the rewind of her day, she gasped and closed her eyes. My God, had that really happened? Had Elliot's hands really been on her body.

She pushed herself off the door and headed for her kitchen. She had to eat something and clear her head. After surveying the meager contents of her cupboards and fridge, she decided on a veggie stirfry.

Forty-five minutes later, she shoved her dinner plate and its remaining contents across her coffee table and collapsed back against the cushions, running her hands through her hair. The low whir of her cell phone vibrating on the coffee table drew her out of her thoughts.

As if she was mustering the courage to leap from the high dive, she swiped her phone to take the call she both hoped and feared would come. One deep breath later, she spoke.

"Hi," she said simply, softly.

"Hey," Elliot offered.

"You home?"

"Yeah. Just got in. Grabbed a sandwich, walked a bit."

"You settling in some?"

"It's still a little strange. The first apartment I had never really became home. I guess I knew I would go back."

Olivia was quiet, pushing down the emotions that the memories of Elliot's return to Kathy six years ago still stirred in her. She knew he'd gone back for Eli, to do the right thing. But the selfish part of her that she tried so damn hard to suppress couldn't help but doubt him again. He'd moved out again late last year and was sharing custody of Eli with Kathy. Although she knew there was a chance she wouldn't like his answer, she had to ask.

"And this time?"

Elliot shifted back on his own couch across town. He knew now what was bothering her, holding her back.

"It's been a year, Liv. This time it's for good. Eli likes the place. It's home."

She scrambled to cover her discomfort with more words. "I know it's been a tough time for you. I didn't set out to cause you anymore drama."

"Drama? You really think that's what this is? God Liv, I feel _good_ for the first time in a long time."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm just sorry I left it all on you to finally … you know."

"So I wasn't way off base thinking that maybe …"

"Did it feel like you were way off base?"

She couldn't help but laugh a little.

"You know, Liv, there's only ever been Kathy. I'm a fish out of water here."

"And I've made too many mistakes in relationships, if you can even call them relationships," she said, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to screw us up."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"We take a shot at this, something goes wrong and we lose our friendship, our partnership."

"What makes you so sure something will go wrong?"

"El, you're my best friend, I'm closer to no one. But sometimes we're like oil and water, when we fight …"

"I gotta believe that somewhere underneath all that has been _this_. We've both been fighting so hard against _this_."

She considered his words. She hadn't been the only one fighting this fight.

"So what do we do?"

"I know I want to touch you again."

A shudder went through Olivia at his very words. "I'd like that." She paused, careful of her next words. "I'm just scared."

"Maybe we're overthinking, putting way more weight on this than there has to be. We could just …"

"See where it goes?"

"Yeah."

There was silence, but it was comfortable silence.

"And Liv …?"

"Yeah."

"You need to know this isn't just my body talking, right? You know I want more, the real deal."

"Me too," she said softly, two simple words expelled with such weight, such relief.

"Goodnight, Liv."

"Night."


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm here._

After reading his text, Olivia shoved her phone into her back pocket, scooped the coffees off the countertop and headed out the glass doors of the coffee shop, just a few storefronts from her apartment building. She approached the brown sedan - a few straggling butterflies still flitting around her stomach - to find her partner looking back at her through the open window. He peered over the top of his mirrored sunglasses and reached through the window to take his coffee.

"Good morning, Sunshine," she greeted him.

"Hi Liv," he smiled.

When he wrapped his hand around the cup he let his fingers linger a while on hers. It was okay to do that now, to savor such minor indiscretions.

"What are you smiling at?" she questioned, failing to hold back her own grin.

"Just you."

He broke her gaze and eyed his coffee before continuing.

"When I walked away from you yesterday, a part of me was scared to death that you'd never smile at me like that again. I thought I broke us."

"Never," she said. "We're good." Then she couldn't help but flirt. "And for the record, I liked yesterday."

They were quiet a minute until she broke the silence.

"So where to?"

"I figured we'd stop by and see Warner about those results. That way the report's in hand before we hit the squad."

Twenty-five minutes later they were in Melinda Warner's office confirming their suspicions that Karen Milligan had been raped by someone she knew. As they turned to leave, Elliot instinctively palmed Olivia's back when she brushed past him. Warner didn't miss the unnecessary contact or the fact that the normally brooding Elliott Stabler was almost happy this morning. As the pair left she shook her head and smiled to herself. It baffled her that the obvious continued to elude such a skilled pair of detectives. After all, she had known all along.

"You wanna let Cragen know first or just head over and pick him up."

"I say we drive by," Olivia responded. "If he's not there and we have to sit on the place, we can let him know what's up."

The bastard wasn't home after all. They needed to bring him in and sweat him, but it wasn't going to be that easy. It rarely was. They parked about 50 yards down the street from the suspect's building, camouflaged in the shade of a 90-year-old oak tree. It wasn't long before they fell into conversation. Having to keep their eyes on the street instead of on each other made it easier to ask the difficult questions.

"How long, El?"

"Excuse me?" He pretended to feign shock at such an intimate question.

Olivia laughed and smacked his shoulder playfully. "No not that, you ass! I mean how long have you ... you know ... felt something?"

She wasn't playing, going straight for the truth.

"God Liv, I'm afraid you'll hate me if I tell you."

"I get it if was the furthest thing from your mind until I forced you to think about it the other night."

"That's not it at all," he continued.

She stole a glance away from the street to look at him, questions in her eyes.

"I can't really pinpoint when," he continued. "But I know it's been years."

She took the impending moment of silence to absorb his words, his admission.

"I guess now I owe you the truth, huh?"

"If you want."

"Wanna hear something twisted?"

He laughed at her question, considering the crap they heard all day every day.

"I knew the day you told me Kathy was pregnant with Eli."

Now he stole a glance at her.

"There we were in the courthouse still trying to find our groove after I got back, and you tell me something any partner … any best friend should have congratulated you on. I felt guilty as hell for being disappointed. That's when I realized ... let myself realize anyway."

She paused a moment. "But I know now that I actually felt it long before that. I just wouldn't let myself admit it."

"Can I ask _you_ something now?"

She rolled her eyes at him. They were way past that now.

"Why the other night? You've held back … I've held back … _all this time_. And it's not like we haven't had better opportunities over the years. Why now?"

She reached for his hand then, which was resting on the seat beside him. She slid two fingers into his palm and gently rubbed. He responded by taking her hand in his and thumbing her palm.

"I've been asking myself that," she revealed.

"And?"

"I think maybe it was a combination of things. Like in a moment when I felt so drained and weak, I had this shot of courage. It made no sense. I guess I urged myself to act on it before I lost my nerve. It was a dumb move really."

"Why do you say that?"

"I needed you, but I could have lost you."

"Ain't gonna happen, Liv. Even if I didn't feel the same, we would have worked through it. We've been through a lot of shit together."

Just then their suspect turned the corner and started across the street toward the building. Any further confessions would have to wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Elliot tossed William Perlman into a chair, backed up across the room, and crossed his arms. He was taking his sweet time in interrogating Karen Milligan's longtime coworker. They had him dead to rights with DNA, but a confession would keep things nice and tidy in court.

They had a plan. They always had a plan. Benson and Stabler suspected that Perlman resented Karen's promotion within the small computer firm where they both worked. He didn't like being passed over for a woman, and he certainly wasn't going to take orders from one.

"So why'd you run?" Elliot began, recalling how the middle-aged computer programmer had taken off when he and Olivia approach.

"I panicked. I never had cops looking for me before," Perlman sputtered. "I didn't know what you wanted."

"I think you knew perfectly well why we were there." Then Elliot took a breath and changed direction. "So tell me again. How long have you known Karen Milligan?"

"I don't know. Maybe eight years. We both helped start the company."

"What did you think of her?"

"Nice girl. Headstrong at times. Terrible thing that happened to her."

"You know anything about that?"

"I told you before, I had nothing to do with that."

"You're right," Elliot softened, smothering his natural instinct to hang the guy with his own words. "I did ask you that already. Sorry."

Just then the door burst open and Olivia stormed into the room. She was pissed.

"How long you gonna dick around with this guy, Stabler? We're not running a babysitting service here."

"Look Benson ..."

"That's **_Sergeant_** Benson to you!" she scolded him, her eyes gleaming as she stared him down. God damn she was sexy.

"Sorry, **_Sergeant_** Benson," Elliot shot back sarcastically. "I've got it handled in here. Mr. Perlman and I are just talking."

"I'm losing patience with you, Detective. Wrap it up or I'll have to handle Billy Boy myself!" With that she brushed past Elliot and stormed back out of the room.

Elliot cleared his throat and shook his head quickly as if erasing an image from the Etch-n-Sketch in his brain. Olivia watched from outside the double-sided mirror as he moved in for the kill.

"You know, Will. Can I call you Will? I've been here three years longer than her. Yet the bitch gets promoted before me and thinks she can bust my balls all day.

"You ask me, women like that need to be taught a lesson."

"You think?" Elliot inquired, as if Perlman were onto something.

"No doubt, Man."

"How do you think I could ... you know ... send her a little message, if you know what I mean."

Elliot finished taking Perlman's statement 90 minutes later. It included all the details of how he had overpowered Karen Milligan in her office, knocked her around and forced himself on her.

He approached the facing desks he shared with Olivia and tossed his yellow legal pad onto his side. She looked up with a big grin.

"Nice work. He's done?"

"Oh yeah, he's done."

Then he stood and smirked at her long enough that she felt uncomfortable under his gaze.

"What?" she asked, growing impatient with his stare.

He sat down now, still smiling at her across their desks. "That was kinda hot, ya know?"

She laughed. "C'mon, El, we've played that game with so many perps over the years. You've seen that act dozens of times before."

"But it's different now. It's tougher to take."

"How's that?"

"Before you were completely off limits to me," he explained. "I could look but not touch. Now that I've kinda touched ..."

She blushed. "Oh _really_? So you've been looking?"

"Maybe."

She glared at him.

"Just being honest," he added.

She stared at him, her eyes still gleaming. He was being honest, and if she was too, she'd admit that she was playing him a bit with her gaze.

He rested his chin on the heel of his hand and dug in for the seductive little staring contest they were having.

She caved first. "Tell you what."

"What?"

"I'll let you buy me a drink."

"Deal."

Elliot took a gulp from his second beer while Olivia nursed a whiskey sours. The conversation was easy but loaded. Then again it had always been loaded.

Elliot turned on his barstool so he was facing hers. He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes but did not turn to him.

He nuzzled in close to her neck and laid two soft, wet kisses under her ear. The low light glinted off the pendant swaying around her neck as she leaned toward the bar. He felt like a heel but he couldn't keep his eyes from following the path of the pendant to her chest.

"Mmmm. Feels nice," she said softly, dipping her head away from him to expose more of her neck.

"I'm not trying to push my luck here, but you smell so good, Liv." He kissed her neck a few more times.

Slowly she turned to him and opened her eyes. "So when are you gonna show it to me?"

"Pardon me, Detective, but I think that's a little personal."

She giggled a little and tossed her drink stirrer at him. "I mean your place, El. Like you said, it's been a year. You hiding bodies over there or something?"

"Honestly it ain't much," he explained. "I have leftover furniture, second hand appliances. I guess I'm feeling like it's not quite suitable for a lady.

Just then she leaned in close to his ear and, in the most seductive whisper he'd ever heard, said. "Fine then. I promise not to be a lady."


	7. Chapter 7

She sounded like sex when she said the words. He knew she was playful tonight but she'd shocked him so much that he'd nearly spit out his beer. He set his bottle down on the bar and eyed her carefully, searching her eyes for any signs of hesitation. She didn't flinch.

"You know it's late, right?"

"Uh-huuuuh." It was a simple sound but she drew it out until it was downright sultry.

"You know how long it takes to drive out there?"

"I do."

He thought he was being clever in calling her bluff. But she too was a master of interrogation techniques.

"And then I'd have to drive you alllll the way back." He was drawing out words now too.

"Maybe."

"Olivia ..."

"Didn't we agree that we'd just see where this goes," she interjected, "not add a lot of weight?"

"We did."

"Then quit overthinking. Take me for a ride."

Elliot tossed $20 on the bar and made an acquiescing gesture with his hand. "After you."

She slipped from her bar stool, ran her hand up his lapel and kissed him softly on the lips. "Let's just let this happen," she whispered. Then he followed her out of the bar and to the car.

"You've got an awful lot of Tuna Helper in here," she teased as she glanced around his small kitchen.

"It's a building block of the bachelor budget."

She leaned against his kitchen counter, bracing the heels of her hands on the countertop behind her. "So you're calling yourself a bachelor?"

"Yeah, Liv. That word slides a little easier off my tongue these days. I know it's right this time." He stepped toward her and slipped his hands inside her jacket to her waist. "I know what you're thinking. What can I do to put your mind at ease about that?"

She was quiet as she played with the collar of his shirt. "I'll get there. Can we just sit a while?"

"Whatever you want."

They removed their coats and curled into the couch angled toward each other. He rested his arm on the back of the sofa, and she caressed his forearm as they talked. It was comfortable contact. He told her how he'd found the place, how the flat screen TV was his one guilty purchase when he'd moved, and explained that, while he was not going back "home," this place was temporary until he found something bigger.

"Right now I just have the one bedroom and the pullout. Eli and I usually camp out here when he stays."

"It's nice," she said. "I'm glad you brought me."

"I'm glad you came … _and_ didn't run away screaming when you saw the place."

She laughed. Then they were quiet. She shifted herself toward him, leaning in and initiating the kiss. He reached behind her head and pulled her to him as the kiss lingered, tongues softly touching. She moaned at the quiet intimacy of the kiss. The ones in the locker room had been more frenzied. But this kiss and the ones that followed were a slow burn, building to something, to everything that had simmered for 14 years.

She surprised him for the second time that night when she shifted and pulled herself over to straddle his lap. He smiled and looked up at her, her head inches above his, her thighs framing his hips. She kissed him again then pulled back. "I'm not gonna stop you, Elliot," she said as she began unbuttoning his shirt. "So if you want me ..."

"God, _yes_ I want you."

He gripped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her hard, sweeping his tongue into her mouth. She continued to work his shirt buttons. He reached around her and ran his hands up and down her back, finally bringing them to rest on her ass. She opened his shirt and slid it back on his shoulders so his muscular chest was exposed completely to her. He was warm and softly chiseled with a smattering of hair down the middle. She ran her hands over him as she consumed his mouth with hers. She was losing control. But she never intended to keep it anyway.

Elliot moaned quietly as he watched her massage his chest and stomach. Her hands were finally on him, touching him. He'd seen her hands at work over the years, comforting victims, delivering the occasional smack to the back of a perp's head, gripping her gun. How he loved watching her fingers smooth over his body. But it was his turn. He'd wanted to touch her again.

He kissed her under her chin and down her throat as he undid the five buttons on her blue blouse. With each button he watched a little more of her body reveal itself. Underneath she was wearing a beige lacy bra with a front clasp. He took his time, navigating a path for the first time. He ran two fingers up her chest, along her neck and back down again, brushing under the pendant now swaying over him. He carefully palmed her bra-covered breasts, gently kneading them and running his thumbs along her sensitive buds.

She closed her eyes and rolled her head back, grinding against him and reveling in the feeling of his hands on her. He pulled her mouth back down to him and kissed her. The movement towards his mouth brought her chest in contact with his. It was intoxicating, and they were hooked.

He grasped her bra clasp then and looked at her. Her eyes struggled to stay open and she leaned over to kiss him again. It was all the permission he needed. He pulled the lacy cups away to reveal her breasts for the first time. He massaged them skin on skin now before running his mouth over her nipples. She arched her chest toward him as she shifted on his lap, grinding down on his pelvis. He managed a moan as his tongue roamed her nipples and he massaged her fleshy mounds.

She reached down and undid his belt buckle and zipper. He lifted her then and lowered her back on the couch, working his way out from under her so he could work over her.

"I wanna take you to bed, Liv, treat you right."

"I don't care where we are, just don't stop touching me."

He slid her badge off her hip and tossed it on the coffee table before bringing his fingers back to her waist. She scraped her nails gently along his scalp and tried to snake her arm between them so she could reach his zipper again.

"Liv ... if you touch me ... I want you so bad ... I may not last."

"Shhhh," she quieted his concerns. "We have all night."

She reached into his pants and cupped him. He was hard and warm and large. The thought was nearly unbearable. As if he knew she needed to be touched, really touched, at that moment, he opened her slacks and slid his hand down her stomach over her panties. His fingers descended until he could feel the wet heat through the fabric. He growled a little.

She was out of her mind with the moment. He was in foreplay as he was on the job, gentle when he needed to be and capable of physical intimidation when the situation warranted. She felt his muscles against her bare chest and his hips pressing her into the sofa. But his fingers ... his fingers were so gentle, teasing almost, as he touched her there for the first time. He was careful, learning her, wanting to get it just right.

She writhed under him, softly encouraging him with her words, letting him know that his cautious path had been the right one. She wanted a slow build to what she was certain would be a rippling explosion.

"Yes El, so good," she breathed into his ear.

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to touch you?" It wasn't a question really.

"I do. God I do. Don't stop."

Just then she felt it. It wasn't on the laundry list of things she wanted to feel tonight, but there was no avoiding the vibration she felt against her thigh. It was coming from his pants pocket, from his phone. She tried to will it away, but it wouldn't go. His zipper was hanging open so his pocket was actually pressing tighter against her than it was him now. She wiggled her hand into his pocket, withdrew his phone and eyed it over his shoulder.

"El?"

"Yeah baby?"

"You gotta stop."

"Now? But you said ..."

"Believe me, I don't _want_ you to stop, but it's Cragen. Duty calls."

Fuck duty and fuck Cragen, Elliot thought. He pulled back and looked down at her. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." She wiggled his phone in front of him. Sure enough their captain's name was flashing back at him. "You know if you don't answer he'll just keep calling," she told him. "Then he'll start calling me." He huffed then sat back on the couch to answer the call.

"Stabler," he huffed.

She put one arm behind her head and ran the fingers of the other one up his arm and traced his tattoo as she watched him take the call. She didn't need to hear the other side of the conversation to know that their evening was over - this part of their evening anyway.

"Okay I'll be there as soon as possible. Yeah, I'll get her."

Elliot tossed the phone onto the coffee table next to her badge and ran his hands over his face and through his short hair in frustration. Then he ran his eyes over her, her exposed breasts, her open pants, her pouty lips, glazed eyes and mussed hair.

"You know I've given up a lot of shit for this job," he told her. "But _this_ ... this right here is killing me."

"Me too," she smiled at him as she began to fasten her bra and button her blouse. "But you gotta look at the bright side."

He snickered. "And that is?"

"We get to start all over again. This was _so_ good ... so far."

He couldn't disagree, and he couldn't help but smile at her.

"This is why I ...," then he stopped.

"Why you what?"

He took a deep breath. "Why I love you."

Her eyes grew wide as she drew them away from redoing her slacks and up toward him.

"El?"

"Yeah I know what I said. And I _do_ love you."

She brought her hands to his face and pulled him into one more kiss. "Me too."

They finished at the crime scene around 5 a.m. As they rode back to the precinct, she watched him as he drove. He'd grown more handsome as he'd aged and packed on more muscle. His hairline was receding, but the slight tinges of gray at his temples were incredibly sexy. She watched the passing streetlights flicker off the lines in his face … lines that told of stories they'd shared.

She undid her seatbelt and moved across the seat toward him. She brushed her lips over his cheek, now covered in stubble after nearly 30 hours without a shave. Then she let her lips wander, over his jaw, to his ear and down his neck. She took his right hand off the steering wheel and turned his palm up. She took her time drawing her tongue slowly along the underside of each finger. He shifted in his seat as he stoles glances away from the road to watch her work. When she lowered her mouth over his middle finger and took a long slow suck up its length, he was done for.

He swallowed hard and spoke. "Olivia Benson, are you horny?"

"I am," she said running her fingertips up his thigh. "But you know what's got me so turned on?"

"Tell me."

"The thought of getting you off."

He wasn't sure what he'd expected her to say, but it wasn't that. He was momentarily stunned as he tried to keep the car between the lines. His cock stirred.

"I mean it, El. That's enough for me." She brought her hand up his thigh and rubbed him through his pants. He was throbbing now.

"Pull over," she whispered.

"Liv..."

"Pull over and let me take care of you."

Before he even put the car in park she was undoing his belt and lowering his zipper, the whole time whispering dirty words in his ear. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so alive. He kissed her as she stroked him.

"We _will_ finish what we started. I promise," she said. "But right now I just want to make you feel good."

Her fingers worked his warm, hard cock, gathering the fluid at the tip and using it to smooth her hand up and down his shaft. He put his head against the headrest and closed his eyes, focusing on her fingers. He considered stopping her, holding off until he could give her body equal attention. But it felt too damned good, and she was too damned determined.

He began to roll his hips opposite of her hand, creating a delicious rhythm. She went faster now, sensing from his motion and his sounds that he was getting close. She wanted to take him there, her panties wet from the very thought that she was holding Elliot's cock in her hand.

"God liv, I'm gonna ..."

"That's it baby," she coaxed. "Give it to me."

Just then he jerked against her hand and his warmth spread over her fingers. She continued to stroke him as he moaned, finally slowing his hips and breathing heavily. He opened his eyes and looked over at her. She was resting her chin on his shoulder and smiling at him.

"God, Liv, I'm sorry," he said, reaching into the glove box for napkins left over from their countless morning coffee runs. She was unphased.

"Promise me the next time you do that, it will be inside me." She was relentless, stunning him again with her seductive words. He was mere seconds removed from having come in her hand, yet his cock stirred when she spoke.

"You're killing me, woman," he said, pulling her into a kiss. "But I promise."

After 30 hours on the job, they were in dire need of showers and sleep. He pulled the car to stop at the curb outside her building just before dawn.

"You wanna crash here?" she offered, now focused more on sleep than sex.

"I'd love to, but I need some fresh clothes," he replied. "I'll pick you back up around 2?"

"Okay. Sleep sounds good."

He took her hand, the one that had been on him, and stroked her palm. "You got me feeling like a teenager with all these starts and stops, breaking public lewdness laws. But I guess we _did_ spend the night together," he joked.

"Well you made it to third base anyway," she snickered. Then with her tone more serious, she added, "Soon we'll have a time, no interruptions, to finish what we started." She paused to kiss him, then whispered against his lips. "I can't wait."


	8. Chapter 8

After a long hot shower, Olivia slipped under the covers and turned off the light. Her thoughts drifted to Elliot. Again. She'd stripped off her clothes, her eyes lingering on her own breasts as she remembered his hands and mouth on them. She'd lathered, rinsed and repeated, feeling the steamy water trickle down her body and remembering his soft touches. And as the comforter collapsed around her now, she was reminded of his body pressing against her.

Anxieties tried to pry their way in. Had she come on too strong, taken too much of an upper hand, been too willing to give herself to him? Then she thought about the past and all the times – so many times over the years – that she'd been tempted to touch him or tell him. But she hadn't.

He was right. Now that they had crossed the line, it would be tougher to take seeing him across their desks, in an interview room, in the drivers seat – Christ, she couldn't make it back from _one_ lousy crime scene without shoving her hand in his pants – than it had ever been over the course of their time together.

She remembered the night years ago on his stoop – as Valerie Sennet slipped away and after they'd fought like cats and dogs over her tragic case – that she'd wanted nothing more than to be invited upstairs. He was right then too: He was the longest relationship she'd had with man. Even if it hadn't been measured in years, it undoubtedly would still have surpassed all others in depth. Even then.

She thought back to the night they laid in opposite directions across a queen-size bed while waiting for Bess Rous to do a Houdini on a vacuum cleaner box before branding another of her attackers. He couldn't see her watching him then – at least she didn't think he could – as she was overcome with near need to reach out to him across the silent safety zone between their bodies. Somehow she managed not to move.

She smiled to herself as she recalled silently slipping into the locker room to check on him after his altercation with Lucius Blaine. She hadn't even known at the time that the fight was over her. But she did know she let her gaze linger a little too long on his bare chest as he changed shirts. She couldn't tell him because, back then, she couldn't even tell herself.

If Elliot hadn't gotten shot the night she posed as a hooker in his undercover operation with Bushido, she might have had time to really resent the fact that the first time their bodies had touched had been a rooze. Something so intimate and so anticipated should have been just for them. Tonight, she thought to herself, they had rewritten that piece of history and righted that wrong.

She remembered being unable to muster a believable reason for not accepting Kurt Moss' passionate pleas for her to move in with him. Maybe he really loved her and wanted to build a life with her. But she couldn't bring her baggage into his apartment, much less his life, knowing that her heart was somewhere else. Even if it didn't belong there.

Then there was the time Dickie had tried to call their bluff, making no bones about asking her point blank if she'd ever slept with his father. She hadn't lied to him, but she couldn't help but wish the truth had been different. Could even a angry kid see there was something between them that they chose to deny? She and Elliot had never spoken of the incident. Any discussion of it would have been incendiary so they chose to ignore it.

There had been a thousand other lingering looks, incidental touches, lengthy stakeouts and comforting conversations that made it clear to everyone but themselves that they had a powerful emotional stake in each other. There was no need to rehash them now. Their path had been paved with 14 years of innuendo and denial. Finally they were on the right road.

He was so tired, but Elliot was wide awake the whole way home. Being able to tell and show Olivia how he felt had lifted a tremendous burden that he hadn't truly realized the weight of until now. It had taken a incredible amount of self control both during good and bad times in his marriage to stomp down the feelings that threatened to shatter the ideal he'd set for himself. He'd fought like hell against a divorce the first time – in part because his Catholic upbringing told him it was wrong and in part because being a free man might make him acknowledge his feelings for his partner. Married men do not covet other women, after all. No matter how beautiful, righteous and compassionate they may be.

"Dick, I'm married," he had told his mentor when pressed about the nature of his relationship with Olivia. It was an excuse that wouldn't hold up in any interrogation he'd ever conducted. Then again it was much easier to peel back the layers on a perp than himself.

So as he drove he could feel that his shoulders were lighter, his jaw less tense, his conscience less guilty. It was a welcome shift. He didn't have to undress her with his eyes anymore. Tonight he'd used his hands.

Elliot dragged a piece of bread through the remnants of Tuna Helper on his plate when he heard his phone. It wasn't a call this time, but a text. That meant it wasn't Cragen. Like the teenager she'd turned him into tonight, he couldn't help but hope it was from the hot chick who sat across from him in criminology class.

He must have done some good in 20 years on the force because God saved his baby boy five years ago, and tonight he got a text from Olivia.

_O: You still awake?_

He smiled. She must be having trouble settling down too.

_E: Just had a bite. But I'm wired._

_O: Please tell me you weren't eating that God awful Tuna Helper?_

_E: Actually I was._

Her phone reflected in her smiling eyes at his reply.

_O: Still trying to prove you're a bachelor?_

_E: Whatever it takes to convince you._

_O: Tonight helped._

_E: Tonight was outstanding._

_O: Outstanding?_ She laughed as she typed. _That's not a word you use._

_E: Tonight was really nice, Liv._

_O: Yeah it was._

_E: Can't sleep?_

_O: Soon I hope. Was just thinking._

_E: About?_

_O: I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression._

_E: ?_

_O: I feel like I came on a little strong._

His laugh echoed in his empty apartment.

_E: You were so fucking hot. I wouldn't change a thing._

_O: Except for maybe the Cragen part?_

_E: Definitely that part. Raincheck?_

_O: Even if it isn't raining.__  
><em>


	9. Chapter 9

After a late lunch, Captain Donald Cragen dried his hands and checked his watch before exiting the men's room. It was 2:35. Benson and Stabler should be in soon. He'd given his two most seasoned detectives a few hours off after an overnight crime scene investigation. But he needed them back in this afternoon to run the case for him. He turned the corner and stopped short.

He saw them, down the hall about 20 feet. Olivia Benson was back to the wall with Elliott Stabler looming over her, one hand braced in the wall behind her. He was leaning in close and speaking in her ear. Even though their bodies weren't touching, Cragen didn't need a badge to know he wasn't looking at a professional interaction. He cleared his throat loudly enough so they'd realize he was standing there. Elliot quickly removed his hand from the wall, stepped back from Olivia and shoved both hands into his pockets.

"You two wanna run it for me?" he asked them.

Olivia was first to move, walking toward her captain. "We were actually on our way in to do that now."

"That's what I figured. Shall we?" Cragen said, waving his hand to let Olivia walk in front of him. Elliot finally moved then, keeping his eyes to the ground and following his captain and partner into the office.

Cragen kept the conversation professional and focused on the case. He could sense nervousness in his detectives as they stood before him like school kids in the principal's office. Elliot had never been one to avoid eye contact, but today he was struggling with it. Olivia was overly diligent with the case information. They'd gotten the message, so he didn't need to say a word. Yet.

Later in the squad room, Elliot and Olivia eyed each other across their desks. The silent interaction spoke volumes. Navigating their own personal path toward each other was challenging enough in the wake of Elliot's pending divorce. They hadn't even begun to wrap their heads around the workplace ramifications. But maybe now was the time before things had gone too far between them.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly across the desks. "I knew this was gonna be hard."

"It's fine, El. We _were_ just talking."

"He knows better, Liv. He knows _us_ better."

"So you think he knows?"

"Not sure. He didn't say anything. But lord knows he's taken a lot of crap because of us over the years."

"Maybe we should talk to him," she suggested. "Tell him the truth."

"Maybe."

As day slipped into evening, Cragen poked his head out of his office. "Stabler, got a minute for me?"

Elliot looked up from a file and met Olivia's eyes. Across the room, their smartass colleague John Munch hummed an ominous tune, soundtracking Elliot's pensive walk toward the captain's office. Olivia shot Munch a death stare, effectively quieting him.

"Close the door, would you," Cragen began.

"What's up?"

"We've known each other a long time, right?"

"Sure have," Elliot replied without hesitation.

"Through it all, if nothing else, we respect each other?"

"Absolutely."

"So I know you won't insult my intelligence with anything less than a truthful answer to the question I'm about to ask you?"

Elliot shifted in his seat, stared at his captain, then nodded.

Cragen sat back in his chair. "Are you in a position to be doing what you're doing?"

Elliot gave him a blank stare. "I'm sorry. I don't follow."

"Don't bullshit me, Stabler. Let me rephrase. Does your current life situation _allow_ you to start a relationship with Olivia?"

Elliot was momentarily speechless but not surprised. He knew this line of questioning was coming. It was just a matter of when. He stood then, put his hands in his pockets and paced the room a little, turning to glance at Olivia through the slatted blinds. "Captain, my divorce is nothing more than a formality right now," he explained. "I've been on my own a year, Kathy knows where I stand, where we stand."

"Does _Olivia_ know where you stand?"

"Yeah. I think she does."

"Which is where?"

"Cautiously ready to do what I should have done years ago."

"I know you love her."

"She's been my partner, my best friend for 14 years," Elliot testified. "How could I not?"

"No, I know you _love_ her."

Elliot dragged his eyes up from the floor and looked at his captain. "Yeah I do."

"I also know she's been waiting a long time for you, maybe given up chances she shouldn't have. This job hasn't helped."

"So what are you saying?"

"Have you slept with her yet?"

Elliot's eyes grew wide. "Captain ..."

"Answer me." Cragen was firm.

"No," Elliot hesitated. "Not exactly."

"So technically you haven't done anything we need to worry about administratively?"

"No." Elliott paused. "Not yet. But maybe we need to get in front of this."

Cragen kept pressing. "I don't have to tell you not to hurt her?"

"_God no_. It's not like that."

"And this is something you intend to pursue?"

"It is."

"If it would cut the tension some, I can move some things around here, send you out with Fin for a while," the elder statesman offered.

"Unless you need to do that to cover our asses I don't think it's necessary," Elliot said. "Funny thing is _we_ aren't interfering with the job. The job tends more to interfere with _us_."

"That's not gonna change. You've been doing this long enough to know that."

Elliot scoffed in acknowledgement.

Cragen stood again. "Look, as your superior officer, I have to tell you to be careful, that the department frowns on such things. But as a man and your friend, the only thing I'll tell you is to be careful with _her_. We both care an awful lot about her. In different ways, of course."

"You gotta know I'm not playing here," Elliot told him. "And going forward, we'll be more careful about keeping our distance."

Cragen laughed, a cocky grin spreading on his face. "You never have before."

Elliot glared at him. Cragen had finally shocked him.

"C'mon Stabler, this thing's gotta hold some kind of record for the world's longest mating ritual," Cragen bombarded him. "I'd say since before she left for Computer Crimes at least."

Elliot was quiet, his wheels turning. It may have been the first time that Cragen saw him look truly clueless.

"You mean to tell me it's never occurred to you that this thing with you is why she left?" Cragen paused. "_And_ maybe why she came back?"

Elliot Stabler had one of the highest closure rates in the NYPD, but he'd been completely blind to the obvious. In all the soul searching he'd done to pinpoint what made her request a new partner, he'd never entertained the thought that she'd done it to save him from herself. Maybe she _was_ right ... it _had_ been too complicated to explain. Obviously it had been too complicated for him to comprehend.

Elliot shook his head and snapped out of his excavation of ancient history. At least hindsight was 20/20. "So we're good?"

"For now," Cragen said simply. "Personal reasons aside, I do want you to be careful with this. I think you both should be thinking about moving up the ranks a bit."

"It's come up, taking the test and all of that."

"Maybe get her out of your system a little first," Cragen smirked at him. "In the interest of better test scores anyway."

"I'm hoping that will be sooner than later."

"You two have been pulling the night shift long enough. Maybe I'll call Munch and Fin in the middle of the night for a while. Let you two get some 'sleep.'"

They sealed their gentlemen's agreement with a handshake. No more words needed to be said.

Elliot strolled back toward their conjoined desks. Before he was even seated, Olivia was hurling question marks at him with her eyes.

"It's all good," he told her. "In fact, I think we're off tonight."

He had a lot more explaining to do. But she knew it couldn't happen here. "So you buying me dinner or what?"

"I _do_ have some Tuna Helper left," he teased.

"Absolutely not!"

"It has been a couple of days since we had a decent meal," Elliot said. "Let's get out of here."

They sat in the low light in the basement of the Yellow Deli, an earthy cafe that had plenty varieties of the tea she liked.

"I get the feeling there's something you're not telling me about your little meeting with Cragen," Olivia grilled him. "I get that we need to be careful, but you were in there longer than it took him to say that."

"He thinks we both should take the sergeant's exam," Elliot explained, keeping under wraps some parts of his conversation with Cragen. "I think he's right. It's time."

Olivia sighed. "I just don't want to get stuck behind a desk. It's the victims that make this job for me."

Elliot swallowed the last bite of his sandwich. "Being promoted doesn't necessarily mean a desk job, Liv. There can be a happy medium."

He watched her devour her Greek salad. She was gorgeous. Certainly she wasn't as young or thin as she was when they were first paired up. But she was more confident now than she had been in those early days and somehow so much sexier. Then or now, her curves never eluded him. Her throaty voice and smokey eyes were framed by her long brown hair, which fell softly on the shoulders of her low-cut blouse. He couldn't help but think that maybe she'd left an extra button undone for his benefit. When she raised an eyebrow at him, he didn't mind being on her naughty list.

"You're staring you know?" She'd caught him looking.

"Was I?"

"Uh-huh," she egged him on. "And you're _still_ staring."

He took another swig from the bottle in his hand and shook his head, his eyes still on her. "I don't know about organic beer, Liv. The things I do for you."

"Is this where you give me some line about how I have to make it up to you?"

"That'd be a little cliché, dontcha think?" he replied. "Besides I think I owe _you_ one."

"Damn. And here I was gonna tell you how I had some _real_ beer in my fridge at home."

"Are you trying to get me to go home with you?"

"I am."

He leaned in close then to taunt her. "Well Detective Benson, all you have to do is ask."

She set down her fork and dabbed the corners of her mouth with her napkin. If he wanted to play, she'd play. Had he forgotten who he was dealing with?

"Elliot Stabler, you pain in the ass, will you please take me home and make love to me?"


	10. Chapter 10

She drove this time. Elliot was handsy most of the way, but they managed to behave long enough to make it back to Olivia's apartment.

"Beer's in the fridge," she offered, taking off her coat.

"I don't want the damn beer, Liv," Elliott said, stalking slowly toward her with a predatory look in his eyes. He pressed her into the wall beside the door and moved in to kiss her. Then he stopped suddenly.

"Wait. Give me your phone," he demanded.

"What? Why?"

"Just give it to me," he insisted.

Olivia fished her phone out of her back pocket and relinquished it to him. He glanced quickly around her apartment.

"What are you doing?"

He didn't answer her. Instead he went straight for the fridge and put both their phones inside on the shelf next to the beer he had no intentions of drinking.

She laughed at him. "The fridge? Seriously?"

"Cragen promised he wouldn't call tonight, but I'm not taking any chances. I don't even want to see the damn things."

Then he resumed his earlier position, pressing her into the wall with his hips as he kissed her. She responded immediately, lacing her fingers behind his neck and giving in to the kiss.

"It's time, Liv."

"God I hope so."

"I can't wait any longer," he persisted.

"You don't have to."

He kissed her harder, and she moaned as he ran his hands over her body outside of her clothes. He slid his fingers down the back of her left thigh and drew her leg up on his hip, pressing further into her and grinding against her.

"El?"

"Mmmm."

"Elliot."

"Yeah?" he pulled back breathing hard.

"Bedroom."

He pulled himself off of her so she could step away from the wall. He ran his hands over his face. They were only minutes in and he was already out of control. He needed to slow down and give this the time it deserved.

She walked a pace ahead of him down the short hallway into her dark bedroom. She flipped on a small bedside lamp and watched him tentatively approach the doorway. He'd waited years to get here and she was welcoming him in, but he took each step with care. She was amused by the look on his face, like he was trying not to step on a crack in the sidewalk.

She approached him, linking two fingers over his belt buckle and pulling him toward her. "Suddenly shy now, Stabler?"

"Just pinching myself."

"You're here," she whispered. "I'm here. This is gonna happen."

"Let me look at you, Liv," he said running his palm over her cheek and locking eyes. "In case I forget to say it, you know ..."

"I know. Now show me."

He pulled her against him and channeled all the anticipation he was feeling into a kiss. She ran her hands up his shoulders and around his neck, sweeping her tongue into his mouth. He undid his tie and tossed it on the floor.

Then he ran his hands up her back, nearly lifting her. He pulled her leg up around him again and lowered her down on the bed, carefully placing his weight on her. Her hair spread out around her head, her earrings glinting in the low light of the lamp and her eyes filled with want. He pulled his right hand from behind her thigh - which was still high on his waist – and ran it along her hip and over her breast, softly squeezing through her blouse. She writhed underneath him, wanting to feel more of his hardness against her, wanting him to keep going, just wanting him.

She fingered the top buttons on his shirt and started to undo them. He raised up on his hands then to give her better access to his torso. She didn't waste time, sweeping her hands over his shoulders and taking his shirt with them. He slipped his arms free, revealing his chiseled shoulders. She traced his upper arms with her fingertips, slipping them into the dips and curves of his muscles. But it was his forearms that had always driven her secretly mad. He usually worked with his sleeves rolled up, so she'd spent 14 years watching his moods reflected in the twitching flexes of his forearms. As she rolled her head around underneath him, giving him access to kiss the pulse points on her neck, her eyes dragged over the Marine Corps tattoo on the inside of his right forearm.

His lips traced her jaw as his left hand swept over her breast. "God Liv, I've got to touch you. Now."

He pulled up on his knees and hovered over her. She stared into his eyes as he unbuttoned her blouse. He took his time, in part because this first rendezvous required care, but mostly because his hands were shaking. Finally her blouse was open to reveal a maroon bra with silk trimmed cups. The wine-colored garment set off her olive skin and the shimmering gold of her necklaces. The clasp was in the back.

"You're gonna have to work a little harder on this one," she teased.

He smiled and ran his tongue along her skin where the cups met her breasts. He drew his mouth down across her stomach and reached around her back as she arched up into him. If anyone asked, he might say he was slick, but he knew he'd just been lucky when her bra clasp gave way on his first try. He raised her up toward him, tearing away her blouse and tossing her bra to the side.

They were almost back where they'd left off the first time, skin on skin, her nipples pressed to his pecks.

"God Baby, you feel good," he breathed at her.

She must have caught him off guard because it didn't take much for her to turn the tables and roll him onto his back. She threw her left leg over him and mounted her man, her hair falling forward and brushing over his face. She wiggled herself down his thighs to give her hands room to work, unbuckling his belt in torturously slow fashion. He smiled up at her, caressing her cheek with one hand and tweaking her nipple with the other.

While her fingers worked, her eyes melded over his abdomen, across his navel and down along the hair-lined happy trail to his zipper. She'd seen him shirtless so many times before, but now she was really allowed to look and - _dear God_ - touch. She lowered his zipper in time with her tongue, which she dragged down the center of his chest. She knew it felt good for him but she'd be lying if she said she'd done it for anyone but herself. She opened his pants and slid her tongue south until it reached the band of his boxers. She swung herself back up and off of him so she could rid him of his trousers. Then she climbed back on. He didn't allow her time to settle in her saddle though before rolling her back over and devouring her nipples with his warmth mouth. She palmed his head and voiced her pleasure.

"Mmmm. So good."

Later he might regret not taking nearly as much time removing her pants as she'd done with his. But he was moving to the rhythm of her moans. She wanted to reach inside his boxers and stroke him but he pushed her hand away. "Not yet," he told her. He had things to do, and he didn't need her speeding him along.

He was one pair of silk panties away from having her naked and under him. He shifted his weight off to the right so he was half on her and half beside her. He ran his hand across her right breast again before slipping it along her hip into her panties and starting to drag them down her right hip. She lifted up a little so he could lower them on the other side too. Her smooth skin and trimmed curls came into view as he kept his mouth linked to hers while slipping her panties off her ankles. With a single fingertip he traced the inside of her thigh, slowly, torturously. He intentionally avoided touching her where she so wanted to be touched, prolonging the painful pleasure by running that finger up her hip, across her abdomen and down along the inside of her other thigh.

"God Elliott," she whispered, almost whimpered. "Please touch me."

Finally he lowered his finger through her folds, touching her lightly as he'd done the previous night on his sofa. He passed gently over her sensitive bud then used the same hand to push her right leg open and reveal her to him. His cock throbbed between his belly and her hip.

He kissed her as softly as he touched her, ever so slightly slipping his tongue into her mouth at the same moment he slipped his fingertip inside her. She arched under him, pulling his finger further in.

"Oh God, yes. Like that."

She was slick and smooth inside, and his cock begged to be where his finger was. He worked her slowly, sliding his middle finger in and out of her gently as he mouthed her nipples. She ran her hand along the forearm of the hand that was on her, in her. As he turned his hand to twist his finger, she could feel his forearm flex the same way she watched it contract when he'd grip the table and get in a perp's face. That Elliot and this Elliot collided as she slipped over the edge, a powerful wave of pleasure rolling through her belly and softly clenching his finger. She writhed and cried out with its power. He kept his finger moving and his mouth working throughout, forcing himself not to come.

She trembled and breathed hard as the waves subsided. He gently withdrew his finger, retracing his path along her inner thighs, easing her down.

He smiled at her. "That was so hot," he said.

"You have no idea."

He kissed her then as he used one hand to shimmy his briefs off of each hip. She drew her foot up and hooked them with her toes to get them the rest of the way off. His warm hardness was on her hip now, and she craved it. She wanted every part of him inside her.

"Liv," he whispered, "I don't have anything. You know … a condom." He was like an altar boy saying a naughty word.

"You don't need one."

"But ..."

"We're good. I want to feel everything," she told him, never breaking eye contact. "Remember ... you promised."

He laughed a little. "Yeah I guess I did. You're sure?"

"So sure."

Her opened her legs further with his knees and settled between them. She reached down and stroked him. She'd been waiting so long for this very thing, this particular moment of impact.

He steadied his cock with his left hand - the same one he'd pleasured her with moments ago - and pressed the head between her folds. She inhaled and held the breath, her senses completely focused on the slightest movement of his hips as he slowly entered her. She dug her heels into the mattress and lifted her hips toward him to pull him deeper. She was drenched with desire for him, but his ample size and her considerable run of self-inflicted celibacy made for a snug fit.

Her head was spinning and her body was on fire. _He was inside her. _She had to say it to herself a few times for it to register. She could feel his hips flex and then – _Jesus Christ_ - he was all the way in. He didn't move at first, his eyes dancing over her face with wonder of his own.

"Good?"

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "So good."

He braced himself on his elbows and took his first slow stroke. She exhaled as he withdrew almost all the way, then carefully pushed back in, thumbing her hair away from her face. Then he did it again. And again. And now her hips were moving, colliding with his as he filled her.

There were so many reasons to go slow. So he did. She approved. "Yeah El, like that. Let me feel it."

"Tell me what you want."

"I want it slow," she told him. "I don't want this to end."

She was only the second woman he'd ever been inside. Even if she hadn't been the one he'd been waiting for, this would have been a novelty on the most primal of levels. So while he wanted to freeze frame every look on her face and every sound that she made, he had to battle his mind to keep his body under control. She deserved a long ride.

She wrapped her hands under his arms and gripped his shoulders, using her grasp on him as leverage to thrust her hips up to his and pull him deliciously deeper into her. She was sure she was coming apart at the seams. He was everywhere. She could smell him, taste him. He was on her, inside her. She fought to keep her eyes open so she could see him. She didn't want to miss a thing.

He lifted himself off his elbows and onto his hands, separating his upper body from hers but giving himself room to swing and roll his hips. He wanted to hit every spot inside her. He watched her breasts sway under him and, if he looked down far enough, he could see himself sliding into her.

He pulled up onto his knees then and, gripping her hips, he wedged her knees into his armpits and delivered long strokes into her.

"Oh my God, harder," she said, louder now.

He sped up so his forward motions had more force. He rolled his hips, aiming the head of his cock inside her up toward her belly. She came undone, grasped for his arms and pulling her upper body flush against him so he could hold her through her orgasm. She pressed her face into his shoulder and rode out the waves, collapsing back on the bed as they subsided.

He lowered himself over her again and whispered in her ear as his hips moved. "I love you, Olivia."

He'd managed to get the words out before he was overcome with the force of his own release. He pushed one more time before his warmth filled her. He wanted to hold that last thrust forever, stay as deeply buried in her as possible. He stayed inside her, lifting his head off her shoulder to meet her eyes. They could only smile then.

"You know, I think that just may have been worth the wait," she said. "And it was a _long_ wait."

"Yeah, Liv," he breathed. "Yeah it was."


	11. Chapter 11

Elliot shifted off of her and wrestled the edge of the comforter out from under their tangled bodies. They were warm from their lovemaking, so they settled under just the top sheet. She wedged her body in next to his, him on his back, her on her side with her chin and hand on his shoulder. Her fingertips traveled over his flushed chest while he caressed her elbow.

There wasn't much conversation at first. They listened to each other breathe, a few soft moans still hanging in the air. She bent her knee and ran it up his thigh, finally settling her hand across his hips.

He looked up at the ceiling and breathed deeply.

She saw him looking. Looking at nothing really. "What is it?"

"Still wrapping my head around the fact that I'm laying here in your bed."

She laughed a little. "Funny I was just thinking the same thing … I mean you being here in my bed," she admitted. "But then again, I _have_ been trying to get you here for a very long time."

"I guess I have been a little clueless," he snickered at himself. "I wanted to be here, but I didn't think you really wanted me here."

"God, you _are_ clueless," she teased.

"Who knows? Maybe I was denying you wanted me here so I could keep doing the right thing."

"I never wanted to be the reason you didn't."

"I know," he said simply. "Can I ask you something?"

She rolled her eyes at him. He only knew she did it because he could feel her eyelashes tickle his shoulder.

"Why'd you leave?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you went to Computer Crimes," he clarified. "Why'd you leave?"

"Jesus El, that was like a million years ago."

"I know. But you wouldn't tell me then, so I was kind of hoping you'd tell me now."

"I couldn't tell you then."

"Why not?"

"Partly because I didn't know why I left," she said, the level of discomfort in her voice rising. "I just needed to get away."

"From me?"

"Not really you. More like my feelings for you."

He turned his head a bit then to look at her, questions in his eyes.

"We were getting really close," she continued. "Kathy was gone, there were no reasons left anymore."

"Reasons for what?"

She rolled her eyes again. He wasn't letting up. "You're really gonna make me say this?"

"Like I said, I can be a bit clueless." He tried to lighten the mood.

She lifted up on her elbow so she could look at him. "Being completely honest?"

"As honest as you're willing to be."

"When I left, I really didn't know why I left. I was denying it anyway. But I know now I left because …"

She took one more deep breath then jumped. "I was falling in love with you."

If she didn't have his full attention before, she definitely had it now.

"And I couldn't do that," she added. "I couldn't fall in love with you."

"Why not?" He was pushing her patience now.

"Seriously El? We were partners. You belonged at home. You needed to find your way back there. I don't think you were done being there."

"How do you know? That was for me to decide wasn't it?"

"Because you were miserable the moment she left."

"Did you ever consider I was miserable for different reasons?"

Now there were questions in her eyes.

"I was angry at you, Liv. When I went for you instead of that boy and Gitano killed him, I blamed you."

"Yeah, you were pretty clear about that," she said, recalling their heated exchange in the squadroom.

"But then I went to see Huang."

Olivia's eyes widened. She didn't know he'd confided in Huang.

"He didn't have to say much to get me to realize it wasn't your fault at all. It was all mine. I was in love with you."

She took a moment to choose her words. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Elliot turned toward her then, lifting up on his own elbow and running his fingers up and down her arm. "Probably the same reasons you didn't tell me."

"So why did you go back?"

He countered immediately. "Why did you _come_ back?

"Because it didn't work," she said.

He questioned her with a simple shift in his eyebrows. She gave him the explanation he was waiting for.

"I thought spending time away from you for a while might make it go away. It didn't. As miserable as I was _with_ you, being away from you completely was worse. I figured having you in my life as my partner, my friend was better than not having you at all."

He looked at her in wonder at her honesty, her strength. She began to buckle under his gaze. She'd been stripped bare, and it had nothing to with her current state of undress. She shifted under the sheets. "So can we change the subject now?"

"I owe you an answer. You asked me why I went back, and I owe you an answer."

She acquiesced. After all, she truly wanted to hear what he had to say.

"First of all, you need to know I love my son."

"I know that. You don't have to tell me that."

"I mean it. I wouldn't change Eli for anything. But I went back for the wrong reasons. There was a case. It hurt so bad, I needed to see my kids, and it just happened. It wasn't fair to Kathy for me to spend the night."

"It was Royce wasn't it?"

"Yeah." He could still feel the pain now.

"I know what that case did to you. I'm sorry."

Even now she wanted to ease his pain so she turned the spotlight back on herself. "You know when I came back, I was confused," she offered.

"About?"

"You. I saw you with Beck. I always wondered … I still wonder."

"Wonder what?"

"Did you sleep with her?"

Elliot sighed then and rolled onto his back again. Staring at the ceiling seemed safer than facing her at this moment.

"No, Liv. No I didn't. I kissed her, but that was all."

"Why?"

"Why didn't I sleep with her?"

"No. Why did you kiss her?"

"Both questions have the same answer, Olivia. I kissed her because I missed _you_. And I didn't sleep with her because she _wasn't_ _you_."

She was awestruck.

"And now _I'd _like to change the subject," he finished.

They'd said all they needed to say. For tonight anyway.


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning he flat-out fucked her. Up against the wall of her shower, hot water streaming over them. They'd done soft and sensual, knew where they stood. But this particular feeling they needed to pound out of each other.

It didn't work.

"Twenty-something Hispanic male just stepped off the J Train in Harlem," Cragen announced. "Port Authority Police are holding him until you get there." He handed Elliot a small slip of paper. "Get going."

Olivia brushed past Elliot on her way toward the door. She left a heavy sigh in her wake.

"Something wrong?" he inquired.

She was quiet with her answer. "That thing this morning. I was hoping it would take the edge off."

"No?"

"I really like _that_," she said, throwing an eyebrow toward his hips. Then she left the room. A cocky grin spread over his face as he eyed the address Cragen had passed him. He smiled to himself as he followed her out.

They picked up Ricky Alvarez and brought him back for questioning at nightfall. Instead of parking, Elliot pulled the sedan up in front of the precinct and jumped out. He handed Alvarez off to a uniform, who he instructed to take him upstairs, and jumped back in the car.

Olivia gave him a questioning glance. "What's up?"

"Just hang tight," he told her.

He maneuvered the sedan between two dumpsters in an alley three blocks from the precinct and killed the engine.

"Work with me here, Liv. We don't have much time."

Her eyes grew wide. "Here?"

"Yeah I need you. Lift up so I can slide over."

Things happened quickly. Elliot dropped his trousers over his hips, and Olivia pushed her pants and underwear down to her ankles. He slid under her in the passenger seat, and she straddled him.

He kissed her hard while she stroked him, his erect shaft pressed between their bare bellies. He teased her tenderly before slipping a single finger into her. He glided right through her. She'd been ready for him all afternoon. He gripped her ass and raised her over him, while she aligned them. Then he let her down slowly. She slipped down his shaft and exhaled a breathy moan as he filled her. She held his head against her chest and hugged him close while he began pushing up into her. She rose up and down on him in the dark alley, her loving grasp a stark contrast to the frenzied movement of their hips.

"It's so good," she breathed, releasing her hold on him and arching backwards toward the dashboard. He ran his hands over her clothed upper body, kneading her breasts and mouthing at her neck hungrily.

"You're gonna be the death of me, Liv."

The new angle had his cock hitting her just right, and she began to unravel.

"Oh God El, don't stop. Right there, Baby."

He pumped her harder and squeezed her ass cheeks, holding her down on him so she had to feel every sweet sensation of her orgasm. As it subsided, she began to roll her hips on him, still arching backwards with her eyes closed. He pushed his hands up under her shirt and shoved her bra cups out of the way so he could get his hands and mouth on her. He let her do the work as his climax neared.

"Fuck Liv," he spat, grabbing her hips tightly and thrusting up into her three times hard before coming inside her. He collapsed forward, resting his head on her chest one more time as their breathing slowed and sweat beads formed.

"Damn Baby, you make me crazy," he breathed.

"I swear I can't get enough of that."

"Are you sure it's okay to do that … inside you?"

"Yeah I'm sure."

"It's just that ..."

"What?"

"I have made a few babies."

She laughed a little. "It's taken care of, Elliot."

"I'd be willing to make another one."

Her eyes shot open.

"I mean if that's something you wanted," he added quickly, as if he expected her to take a swing if he didn't get the words out fast enough.

She sighed deeply and pushed her hair back from her face. "I don't think we can have this conversation here … in the car … in this alley. Let's just enjoy _this_ ... for now."

"For now?"

"Yeah," she submitted. "I guess we better get back before someone realizes it doesn't take this long to find a parking space."

They finished straightening their clothes and shifted back into their proper seats. She realized then, as much as it had stunned her, it must have taken a lot of courage for him to say what he'd said. She hadn't meant to pass it off so quickly. "I _do_ love you, El."

"And I love you."


	13. Chapter 13

Twenty minutes later they were knee-deep in their interview with Alvarez

"C'mon Ricky. I don't think you're being straight with us," Elliot taunted. "You don't help us, we can't help you."

"It's like I told you, man. We got together a few times, but we weren't exclusive or nothin'."

"Any chance you weren't okay with her not being _exclusive_ with you?" Olivia asked.

Alvarez looked down then.

"Look Ricky, if this was the kind of thing where you caught her with someone else, you lost your cool, things got out of hand …" Elliot trailed off.

"She was just a piece of ass to me," Alvarez argued. "Like her," he added, looking at Elliot but nodding toward Olivia. "You fuckin' her?"

Elliot turned on a dime and eyed Alvarez. Olivia rose from her chair, bracing for the inevitable.

"Hey I wouldn't blame you man. I'd be fuckin' her too," he said, dragging his eyes over Olivia's body. "I'd do her _real_ good."

Elliot lunged for Alvarez, tossed him up against the wall and held him there by his neck. "You got a real big mouth for a piece of garbage! I'm done dicking around with you! It's time for some tough love."

On the other side of the glass, Cragen was a bulldog, the tips of his ears flooding with color as his anger rose. Olivia knew he was watching, and she knew she needed to stop Elliot from escalating.

"Ricky?" she began her intervention.

The perp was eye to eye with Elliot, their noses nearly touching.

"Ricky! Over here. Look at me."

He turned his eyes toward her then.

"You like me?"

"Yeah I like you," Alvarez said, a nasty grin forming on his lips and sleaze dripping from his words. "I like all beautiful women."

Elliot snarled.

Olivia stepped into both of them then. "If you like me, how about you come sit and talk to me. We'll have Bruce Banner here step into the hallway.

Elliot was still gripping him. "Let. Him. Go." She said it quietly through clenched teeth, her eyes searing daggers into him. "Now."

Elliot reluctantly released his ferocious grip on Alvarez and began straightening the man's collar. He stepped back then and let Alvarez off the wall.

"So who's Bruce Banner?" Alvarez quipped. "I thought that guy's name was Stabler. More like _Un_stabler."

"That's it, Ricky. Sit down here with me," Olivia coaxed him to the table, pulling out a chair for him. Then she turned her attention to Elliot. "I've got this handled, _Detective_." It was clearly his cue to leave.

Elliott's chin was still jutting and his chest puffed out, but he had to break Olivia's glare. As he let himself out of the room, he heard her say. "So Ricky, I wanna hear all about it. All about how you'd do me right." Elliot slammed the door on her words.

In the hallway, Cragen was waiting for him. "What the _hell_ was that?"

"That piece of shit was asking for it," Elliot spat, waving his arms in the air.

"And your job is to get him to talk _without_ giving it to him. _Not_ jeopardize anything we might get out of him by laying your hands on him."

"You know I would have done the same thing even if …" Elliot stopped.

"Even if what, Elliot? Tell me," Cragen challenged him, chest to chest now. "Even if it wasn't true?"

Elliot said nothing more and didn't look his captain in the eye. He disappeared down the hallway, anywhere he couldn't see or hear her with that scumbag.

Olivia emerged from the interview a half-hour later. Alvarez told her not only how he'd do her right, but how he'd "done" their victim. She'd kept a cool head and straight face the entire time, enduring every dirty, lurid detail. She exited the room and passed Cragen. "He's done. And I'm done." she said. "I need a few minutes."

Cragen knew where she was going. He simply nodded and let her pass.

She found Elliot at his desk, stomping toward him with fire in her eyes. "Walk with me."

He slowly rose from his seat and followed her upstairs where they could talk privately. She held the door to the cribs open for him, slamming it immediately behind him and locking it.

"What the _fuck_ were you thinking?"

"Liv …"

"You _knew_ Cragen was outside that door. You _know_ he's looking for a reason, _any_ reason this won't work."

"Liv …" he tried again, but she was relentless.

"You _know_ you can't do that," she scolded him. "Because if _that_ happens, then _this_ can't happen."

He looked down and away from her. She took a deep breath and, much quieter now, added, "And I really want this to happen."

"Liv, I'm sorry. I just lost it. The way he was looking at you. He can't talk to you like that."

"Yes he can, Elliot! I'm a big girl. I can do my job. That can't change because of us."

He ran his hands over his face in frustration. He tried to mask it, but he was still hot under the collar.

"It's different now," he said.

"No it's not! It can't be!" She paced in front of him furiously, then started again. "That was _you_. That was you I was with in that car just a little bit ago, right? Am I giving you mixed messages or something because I thought I was pretty _damn_ clear out there, this morning, last night, about where I want to be and who I want to be with. You really think that scumbag had some hold over me?"

"You're right," he said it so softly she barely heard it.

"What was that?" she said, arching her neck toward him.

"I said you're right. You _can_ do your job. You _can_ handle pricks like that."

"Elliot, I need you by my side, watching my back. But I don't need you running interference for me. And I certainly don't need you making trouble for us on the job."

She was quiet then. So was he.

"Look, this is new to me," he said, breaking the silence. "Being in this job with you, like _this_. Everything's really raw right now. It's growing pains."

"I'll talk to Cragen," he added. She nodded in acknowledgement.

"Listen, I have a thing at school with Eli tonight, then he's gonna be with me for a few days, the weekend."

She looked up and listened.

"Let's take tonight off. I'll cool down. But this weekend, come with us, let's take him somewhere together. He'd love to see you."

She rolled her head around on her neck to release some of the tension and finally brought her eyes back to him. She'd beaten him down with just her words and now he was trying so hard to extend an olive branch.

"I haven't seen him in a while," she acknowledged. "I'd like that."

He approached her then and put his hands on her hips. She let him in, resting her forehead on his. "I'll text you," he offered. "We'll make plans."

She kissed him gently on the lips. "Okay."


	14. Chapter 14

It was just about 6:30 when Elliot exited Cragen's office. Olivia had watched him through the blinds for a while. She couldn't hear what their captain was saying, but his body language needed no translation. Elliot rushed toward their desks and retrieved his suit jacket from the back of his chair.

She looked up but said little. "You okay?"

"Yeah but I got to haul ass if I'm gonna make this thing with Eli," he explained quickly. "I already got reamed today. I don't need another."

"And Cragen?"

"Not so okay. But he'll get over it." He extended a serene smile to her then, grasping for a positive note on which to leave her. "And to think that today started out so well?"

"Yeah it did," she agreed. "Text me."

He nodded and left.

She turned her head back to her paperwork, wanting to put a wrap on the Alvarez case before she left for the night. The light in Cragen's office went dark and he emerged, closing the door behind him. He surveyed his squad room, well aware that she was the only one still putting time in after a trying day.

"That was good work today, Liv."

She looked up, her eyes weary with the emotions of the day. "Thanks."

He wanted to say more but he wasn't sure she knew that he knew, so he opted otherwise. But she stopped him. "Listen Cap, about Elliot and that situation earlier …"

"It can't happen, Liv."

"I know that," she admitted. "And believe it or not, he knows that."

"I think I was pretty clear with him," Cragen explained. "But I'm sure it was nothing compared to what he heard from you."

"He means well."

"There would be a note in his jacket if he didn't," Cragen said, assuring her that he'd covered Elliot's ass yet again. "You know, I'm on your side ... both your sides?"

"Yeah, I know," she said softly. "I appreciate that."

He nodded and turned to walk away. "Goodnight, Liv."

"Night."

Elliot was late making it to Eli's elementary school but managed to slip into his seat beside Kathy and two of his daughters before the curtain went up on the kindergarten production of _Johnny Appleseed_. Kathy shot him a knowing glare when he sat down beside her, slightly frazzled after a hurried drive from Midtown and the jog from the parking lot. He'd been late or called away so many times over the years that she would have been surprised to see him on time. She was surprised to see him at all.

"Sorry," he whispered to her as piano chords filled the small gymnasium.

"Hi Dad," Elizabeth Stabler offered from the other side of her mother.

"Hey baby." Then he looked beyond Elizabeth to greet his oldest child. "Hi Maur." She gave him a little wave and shushed him. He turned his eyes back to the stage, as directed by his girls, and was glad he did. A proud smile spread across his face when he saw a costumed Eli stomp across the stage in steps he was clearly counting in his head. It was priceless.

It was late when she got home. Not by her standards, but by those of the normal working world. She was spent. It's not that she didn't want him back in her bed tonight, but it was likely best that he wouldn't be. She needed to rest, and she needed clarity.

The last time she had crawled under her covers alone - two nights ago - her mind was full of different things than it was tonight. But the leading man was the same. They hadn't bothered making the bed this morning, more important things on their minds. She could still smell him on her sheets, the vague sent of him lingering. So much had happened in a mere 24 hours. They'd finally consummated their relationship, he'd offered to father her child, and he'd nearly maimed a man in her defense. Somehow yesterday had seemed so much simpler, most of it occupied with the final steps of the dance that cemented them as lovers. There would be more complications ahead, she knew.

Surely just days into a physical relationship with him - one that had taken years to develop - she wasn't emotionally ready to consider his offer of paternity, even though her biological clock was running on borrowed time. Her body was still reeling from his welcome invasion and her heart suspended in the realization that the man she was sure she'd never have had suddenly become hers. Almost hers anyway. She'd spent so long wanting him that actually having him presented a pleasantly traumatic shift. She needed to wrap her head around it.

He'd said he'd text, but he called instead.

_E: Still mad at me?_

_O: I'll get over it. __How's Eli?_

_E: He's a character._

_O: Wonder where he gets it?_

_E: All that and my good looks too. You in bed?_

_O: Yeah. _She was quiet for a few breaths. _I can smell you._

_E: Wish I was there._

_O: Me too. But we have time. Enjoy Eli._

_E: He's passed out from his big stage debut. Fell asleep in his clothes._

_O: And what are you wearing?_

_E: Are you flirting with me?_

_O: Always. But kidding. I do miss you though._

_E: Come out with us tomorrow afternoon?_

_O: Where?_

_E: Maybe a movie? There's some cartoon thing he wants to see._

_O: Okay. Check times and let me know._

_E: May not be much of a movie but you will be with the two best looking guys in the theater._

_O: Yeah I will._

_E: Liv?_

_O: Huh._

_E: What do you want me to be wearing? Or not wearing?_

_O: Stop. Get some rest. Save your energy._

_E: Am I gonna need it?_

_O: Absolutely._

He smiled then, hung up and put his phone down, running his fingers through the ringlets of the small boy sleeping on the couch beside him. He pulled his tie loose, unbuckled his belt, propped his feet on the coffee table and dropped his head back onto the couch cushion, Eli by his side and Olivia in his head. He was in a peaceful place.


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia padded through her kitchen to turn off the whistling tea kettle. She'd dimmed the noise just in time to hear the text alert from her phone.

_E: Good morning. We'll get you at 12:30. K?_

_O: K._

_E: He's happy you're coming._

_O: So am I._

She buzzed them up at 12:33, opening her door to reveal the smiling boy she'd helped deliver more than five years ago. His eyes were crystal blue like his dad's and his hair sandy blond like his mother's. "Livia!" He stood still long enough for a quick hug then rushed past her into her apartment and jumped on the sofa. She chuckled and returned her eyes to the door to find Elliot standing there. He was grinning.

"I guess me jumping on the couch might be a little much?"

Like his boy, his physical appearance stirred feelings in her. Just different ones.

"Hi El," she said softly.

"Hey," he said with a soft smile. "You look nice."

They'd both picked jeans for the day, her in a tailored lavender T-shirt topped by a sweater coat. Him in a gray T-shirt with a long-sleeved flannel open at the front. She had to refrain from embracing him. She managed. After all, restraint had been her strong suit for 14 years. Elliot took the middle ground. He kissed her on the cheek as he brushed past her into the apartment.

"Can I get you guys anything? Did you have breakfast?"

"Daddy made cakes," Eli spouted from the couch.

"Pancakes," Elliot clarified.

"Well that sounds much better than the toast and tea I had."

"I'll make them for you sometime," he whispered to her, lifting one eyebrow into a flirtatious position. The pancakes clearly would be her morning reward for a night well spent.

She saw his flirt and raised him one eyebrow. "I hope. So, guys, where are we headed?"

"You like planes, Livia?"

"I guess so buddy. Are we going on one?"

"No silly! We are gonna see the planes movie."

Elliot clarified. "You know ... 'Cars' ... Disney ... all of that. The new one is called 'Planes.'"

"Gotcha," she said, grabbing her phone and purse. "Let's get going then. You driving, Eli?"

"I can't drive!" the boy exclaimed. Then his face grew wide. "Can I daddy?"

"Not yet, Little Man," Elliott told him. "But you're my co-pilot."

Eli was a chatterbox in the backseat the whole way. Olivia kept up with him, as Elliot filled in any details he'd left out to help his stories make sense.

The boy with Elliot's eyes sat between them in the movie theater, his knees bent and his small shoes on the edge of his seat. Elliot played with his ringlets, stealing glances away from the screen to admire Olivia, her face illuminated by the screen in the low light. Every once in a while, he'd reach across and brush strands of her hair behind her ear. He just wanted to touch her.

They took Eli out for pizza afterwards. Elliot cashed a $5 bill in the token machine and tucked the coins in the boy's pocket so he could play the mini basketball game near their table. Father kept an eye on son over Olivia's shoulder.

"He's getting so big," she said. "He's like a little man now."

"This was always my favorite age," Elliot said with wonder. "He's full of personality. They all are around this time."

"I'm glad you asked me along," she said. "It's food for thought."

"What's that?" Elliot was clueless again. She tried to make her point silently with facial expressions while she waited for the thought to register with him. Finally his lightbulb flickered on.

"Oh. Oohhh!"

"Yes. Nice detective work there," she teased him.

"I was too busy checking you out to think clearly. Sorry."

"You're shameless."

"You're hot."

"Shhhh." She was worried that Eli would overhear.

"He could care less what's happening over here. He'd play that game all day if I let him."

She glanced over her shoulder and saw Eli make a game face before tossing a mini basketball into the hoop about six feet away.

"What about your older kids? How are they with the separation?"

Elliot sat back in his seat, settling in for a long explanation. "Kind of where they've always been since we started growing apart. They'd rather have us divorced and getting along than living together and fighting all the time. There's a lot less tension in the house without me there. Of course they're so busy that they aren't there much either."

"Makes sense I guess."

He shifted gears then, as Olivia turned a little to watch Eli compete against the machine. "I think Kathy's seeing someone."

Olivia spun quickly to face him, to comfort him. He could see concern fill her eyes and cut her off before she even got started. He raised his palm as he spoke. "It's fine, Liv. I don't care. I want her to be happy."

"How did you find out?"

"They had this little cookie thing after the play last night. Maureen says this guy's name. Kent. I think Kathy was shocked that Maureen mentioned it. But I gave her my blessing."

"You did?"

"Yeah I told her she deserved to live a little after putting up with my bullshit for so long."

"And?"

"And by the look on her face, that may have surprised her more than Maureen mentioning Kent," Elliot explained. "I guess she expected - what did you call him - Bruce Banner to show up."

"He usually does."

"He wasn't needed just then. I meant what I told her. She does deserve a life." Then he continued, "And I think you and I deserve a shot."

Just then Eli interrupted, his pocket full of quarters now empty. They played a few games with him. Elliot held him up on a chair while he battled Olivia in air hockey. She feigned defeat. "I can't believe you beat me _again_, Eli. You're really good at this."

"Dickie showed me."

"There's a table in the basement," Elliot explained. "I just hope Dickie doesn't show him how to cheat like he used to pull on me. The kid is a shark."

After ice cream, they drove Olivia home. Eli fell asleep in his booster seat on the way. Elliot pulled up and turned off the engine, reluctant to let her go. But it was time.

"How long do you have him?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. I usually get him back by 5 on Sundays so he gets a good start on the week."

She tiptoed toward the question she wanted to ask. "Do you happen to still have the key I gave you a long time ago?"

Her question had surprised him. "Yeah actually. For emergencies. Never used it though."

"If you feel up to it, tomorrow night after you take him home, come see me?"

"I'd love to."

"Even if it's late?"

"Sure."

"You could let yourself in if you want." The look on her face told him it wasn't just an invitation into her place or her bed. But also into her life.

"I will," he said, stroking her cheek.

"Maybe bring a bag," she looked down a little, worried that she was somehow being too forward. "Stay the night."

"I'll be here, Liv." Then he glanced into the backseat to make sure Eli was still asleep before kissing her deeply.

Before she got out of the car, she kissed her own fingertips then reached them back and softly pressed them to Eli's forehead. Elliot appreciated the gesture. "I think he may want another date, Liv."

"With him?" she said smiling as she opened her door. "Anytime." Then she was gone.


	16. Chapter 16

Elliot dropped Eli off at dinnertime on Sunday and stayed long enough to watch the end of the Jets game with Dickie. He carried plates into the kitchen and made small talk with Kathy. "So what's with this guy that Kathleen's seeing? Have you met him?"

"Mark. I had lunch with them about two weeks ago. He's nice enough."

"What does he do?"

"He was a history major, still looking for a full-time job," Kathy explained. "Right now he's working in one of those coffee places."

"He's a barista?"

"Yes I guess that's what they call it."

"What the hell does he expect to do with a history degree?"

"Elliot."

"I know," he said leaning on the counter. "I know."

"You of all people should know you don't get to _choose_ who you fall in love with."

It was a curious comment for her to make, but Elliot elected not to engage, instead keeping the focus on Kathleen. "So you're saying she's in love?"

"I don't know. Please stop worrying. She's a big girl."

"Okay," he conceded. "Anything I need to know about this week?"

"Not really. The play was the big thing. Should be quieter for a while."

"Okay, I'll call tomorrow." Then he turned to leave the kitchen. But something stopped him. "Kathy?"

"Yeah."

But he'd lost his nerve. He wanted to ask about the divorce papers, but he was afraid of disturbing the peace. "Thanks for dinner."

She smiled after him and then turned her attention back to the dishes.

Elliot went back to his place and grabbed a suit and shirt for the morning. He'd be going back to work tomorrow, back to learning to control his temper when it came to Olivia. He was a work in progress. And there was still tonight.

_Be there soon._ He texted her once he had his stuff in the car.

Her reply came quickly, before he pulled away from the curb. _Looking forward to it._

With his suit on a hanger hooked over his shoulder, he slowly approached her apartment door. He felt a little funny not knocking. But he smiled to himself at the privilege she'd given him. It meant he was now the only one she'd be waiting for. What he didn't know was that he had been for some time.

Only the little light over the kitchen sink was on when he entered her apartment. He expected her to be watching TV, cooking or something. But she wasn't. The living room was dark, and the place was quiet. He laid his suit over the back of the couch and hung up his jacket. He could see a soft light peeking out from under the bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. He approached quietly but with his heart beating like a kid tiptoeing toward the tree on Christmas morning.

He pushed the door open to see Olivia lying on her stomach in bed, just the top sheet covering her. Her head was to one side on her pillow and the low light of the bedside lamp fell softly over her locks and full lips. It might have been the most tempting thing he'd ever seen.

She smiled slightly and opened her eyes when she heard him come in. He sat down on the bed behind her and leaned over to kiss across her shoulder blades. She moaned softly. "Hi."

"Hi," he whispered. "Don't get up. Don't move."

She complied.

He pulled his T-shirt off over his head and lightly pressed his bare chest against her back as he nibbled her ear. She stirred a little, moving her legs under the sheet to ease some of the tension between them.

He lowered the sheet to find she was wearing nothing at all. He growled to himself. He shifted his weight, unzipped his jeans and crawled over her.

Nothing about him made sense, she thought. He was kissing her neck and back _so_ softly, his lips barely brushing her skin and setting it on fire. But his muscles, his denim and his open belt buckle were rough against her. The combination was delicious. She wanted him so badly, but he'd forbidden her to move.

He ran his hands over her shoulders as he lowered his lips along her spine to the small of her back, pulling the sheet lower with his chin as he descended. She shifted her hips in a grinding motion. He pulled back and lowered his jeans then pulled them off his legs. His boxers and socks were just details, joining his clothes on the floor. Then he crawled over her again, resuming the path he was forging with his mouth.

He kneaded her ass cheeks as he kissed across them and down the backs of her thighs, the sensitive skin there standing on end as his tongue passed over it. He parted her legs just a little, just enough to slip two fingers of his left hand between her thighs and swipe softly across her folds. She was wet and warm and struggling to stay still as he touched her.

"Elliot?"

"Hmmm."

"I need you."

He went slowly. He always went slowly, except when he didn't. He wanted his intrusion to be anticipated, awaited, so he tenderly slipped his fingers inside her and gathered her moisture. "You're so wet."

"I said I need you. Please don't make me wait."

He pulled up on his knees behind her, softly palming her ass. Then he drew his hands up and grasped her hips. "Get on your knees."

She moaned as she moved, lifting herself off the mattress and drawing her hips back toward his, his hard cock pressing against her most private parts. He swept his fingers along her one more time then gripped himself and pushed. Her back arched as he entered her slowly. He curled his upper body over her back and wrapped his arms around her stomach. As he pulled her up and backwards to him, she sunk down on him.

"Oh my God," she breathed.

They were both on their knees, his front pressed to her back and his cock inside her. He moved his hips slowly as he dragged his hands up her body and wrapped them around her breasts. She dropped her head back on his shoulder and sunk further down on him. He clenched his ass cheeks as he arched his hips upwards into her. As he arched forward, she arched backwards and there wasn't even room for air between them. He pinched tenderly at her nipples and sucked on her neck as he worked his hips and she rose and fell on his pelvis.

"I don't think there could be anything hotter than this with you right now," he told her.

There had been so many times over the years that she'd imagined sex with him. Perhaps it was his polarizing presence and strength of character that often made her imagine him fucking her from behind. But somehow she'd never imagined it like this. In her fantasies, he'd been rougher, more frantic. There had been a desk, an interrogation room table, sometimes a car hood. But what he was doing to her now required no props. In their current position, he had the upper hand, he was definitely in charge. But they way he did it ... it wasn't that he was taking her, but that he was taking care of her.

His knees pressed deeper into the mattress as he lowered one hand from her breasts, dragged it down her body, and began circling a finger over her clitoris. She cried out at the contact, digging her fingers into his flexed forearms. Her nipples, her ass, her core and her clit were all in contact with him as he moved. He circled his hips in rhythm with his finger, which slid effortlessly over her moist skin.

"Come for me, Liv," he breathed into her ear. "I want to feel you come."

He didn't really need to ask because she was well on her way there anyway. But his words sent her careening into a place she wasn't sure she'd ever been. The orgasm began so deep inside and worked its way out so slowly that she felt like she was on a rollercoaster thundering down a hill with no end. She wasn't sure she could endure its intensity.

He felt her soft tremors around his cock. He'd felt them the other night too, but there were more this time, clutching at him as she screamed in his arms. They were the only thing holding her upright. As she shook, he pushed a little harder, a little faster. And then release. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pushed as far into her as he could possibly go as he filled her. She was collapsed back against him, almost limp in his arms. He refused to relax his hips.

"Oh my God, Elliot."

"I know, Liv."

Finally he released that last thrust and settled his ass on his heels. The shift sent one more lingering tremor through her. Then they feel forward onto the mattress, settling sideways into the same position in which they'd just made love. They were breathless and sweaty, but satisfied.

"At risk of sounding like a sailor," she said, "I've got to tell you that I don't think I've ever come that hard."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said, still gasping for air. "Why the _hell _did we wait this long?"

"Maybe if we hadn't it wouldn't feel this good."


	17. Chapter 17

"Benson."

As soon as she recognized the voice on the other end of the phone, Olivia panned the room to pinpoint Elliot's location. He was far enough away in the media center with Fin, so she engaged the caller.

"I'm good. How are things with you?"

"Yes, it has been a while."

"Look, Kathy ..."

"Okay. How about tomorrow? Tell me where."

"I'll try to swing it. Yes, 11:30 should work."

"No I won't mention it."

Olivia hung up the phone and ran her hands over her face. It had been forever since she'd laid eyes on Kathy Stabler, much less had a heart to heart with her. But in less than 24 hours she would be eye to eye with her partner's ex-wife. Correction: Her lover's wife. As her mind raced with the possible courses of conversation, she was unsuccessful in convincing herself that the timing of Kathy's call was mere coincidence. She spent her days having uncomfortable conversations about other people's lives. She wasn't naive enough to believe the one she'd have tomorrow wouldn't involve hers.

"We got a lead," Elliot said.

She'd been so preoccupied that she hadn't even realized he was now standing back at his desk looking over her.

"Liv?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Everything okay?"

"Sure," she said unconvincingly. "Just tired."

"Maybe you should start getting more sleep at night." He threw in a wink for good measure.

She smiled almost as an afterthought. Her vague reaction wasn't lost on him.

"So where we headed?" she asked, trying to stay in the present rather than obsess about the future.

They rode in uncharacteristic silence. She stared out the window lost in thought.

"Olivia, did something happen?"

"No El. I just have a lot on my mind. A lot has happened this week."

"Are you having second thoughts about _this_?" he asked, waving a hand between them.

"I don't think so."

"You don't think so? What the _hell _does that mean?"

She shook her head slightly and looked at him. His face was colored with worry. "Nothing, El. Everything is fine. We're good."

They'd had powerful sex the night before. He'd spent the night and they'd welcomed the morning with another round of slow lovemaking. They were connected in every way. So Elliot was baffled about the dramatic shift in her mood. But he knew her well enough not to push. He'd have to rely on his powers of observation to gather clues for the rest of the day.

Joanne Milner - the person they'd come to interview - answered on the second knock. They suspected her husband was involved in their latest victim's death.

"I'm Detective Stabler. This is Detective Benson," Elliot said flashing his badge. "We'd like a few minutes to ask you some questions about Arlene Michaels. Can we come in?"

The middle-aged blonde stepped back from the door and made room for them to pass by her into the apartment. They settled in the livingroom.

"How did you know Ms. Michaels?" Olivia asked.

She worked with my husband ... I mean, my estranged husband. We're separated." Mrs. Milner explained. "I met her at a few social events but I didn't know her that well."

"Were she and your husband close," Elliot inquired. "At work I mean?"

"I guess you could say that."

Olivia pressed on. "Do you know if they ever communicated outside of work?"

"Not at first," Ms. Milner said. "But more recently they'd been assigned to a project together so they were talking more."

"M'am we have Ms. Michaels' phone records dating back to October," Elliot explained. "She made a large number of calls to your husband's phone. Were you aware of those calls?"

Joanne Milner's demeanor changed then. "I was not." She stood and paced the room. "But I guess it doesn't surprise me."

"Why's that?"

"I've been telling myself it couldn't be true," the woman confessed. "But I thought he might be cheating on me."

Olivia shifted in her seat. From the corner of his eye, Elliot could see her body language change.

"He's been distant," Ms. Milner continued. "I wanted to believe the work with Arlene was … well … just work."

Elliot continued on to tougher questions. "Did he mention her here at home, give you any impression of their working relationship?"

"That's just it. He mentioned her way too much," Ms. Milner said. "At least too much for my liking."

Suddenly Olivia rose from her chair. "Excuse me, I'm so sorry, but could I use your bathroom."

Their hostess responded quickly. "Sure. Just down that hall is the powder room." Olivia excused herself and left Elliot to finish the interview.

She closed the bathroom door behind her and gripped the edge of the sink. She looked herself over in the mirror and managed to see things that weren't there. She'd undergone a dramatic transformation in her own mind since taking Kathy's phone call. Listening to Joanne Milner describe her husband's uncomfortably close relationship with his coworker was hitting too close to home. Olivia now fashioned herself as a home wrecker, convinced that even before he'd ended up in her bed, she'd systematically ripped Elliot away from his white picket fence in Queens.

She heard a light knock on the door. "Liv you okay? You ready to get going?"

"Yeah. Coming."

She opened the door to find Elliot standing just inches from her. He squared his shoulders and wouldn't let her pass until she said something, anything.

"What's going on with you?"

"Not here," she said raising a palm to him. "I'm fine. Let's go." She thanked Ms. Milner on their way out.

She knew she wouldn't escape the conversation that was coming in the car. He saw it as concern; she saw it as a confrontation.

"Olivia ... please talk to me," Elliot gently pleaded. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"No," she answered, avoiding eye contact. "You've been great."

"Something's up. Don't play me, Liv. It's me."

She finally looked at him. "I'm just working through some things in my own head."

"Let me help."

She broke eye contact again and looked out the window while she chose her words. "It's just that ... I'm sorry if I had anything to do with ... what's going on with you and Kathy. If I had anything to do with _that_ …," she trailed off. "I tried. I really _tried_ to keep my feelings under wraps and respect your marriage."

"Where is all this coming from?" Elliot inquired. "Is it this bit with Milner and Arlene Williams?"

"It just hits close to home," Olivia revealed. "You always spent more time with me, more time on the job."

"Olivia, stop." He was firm. "You did _not_ end my marriage. My marriage just ... ended. Yes, I did see more of you than her. But that was the job. I had feelings but I never acted on them. And neither did you."

But she was unconvinced. "I just never wanted to be that woman, so when I kissed you ... if I was out of line."

He grabbed her then and kissed her. It was in part to silence her and in part because he couldn't communicate what he wanted to say with just words. He pulled back to see tears forming in her eyes. "Do I have to remind you where this started? I believe we agreed to not overthink, to just let it happen," he said. "It happened, Liv. And I don't regret a thing. Please don't take this on yourself. Just be here with me. Please."

"I'm here, El." She spoke so softly that he was sure his heart was breaking. "This feels so good. I'm not sure I deserve it."

Elliot looked away from her in frustration then. "I don't even know what to say to that, Liv. It doesn't even make sense." He paused. "But then again you can't see you ... see the things you do ... the people you help. It's okay to let yourself be happy."

"But not at someone else's expense," she offered in a near whisper.

Elliot's voice rose now. "Whose expense? Kathy's? I can't remember the last time Kathy was happy that didn't involve the kids. I don't make her happy. We don't make each other happy. That has _nothing_ to do with you."

He continued his plea. "But for the first time in a very, very long time I'm happy. And that has _everything_ to do with you."

He pulled her into a hug then. "Liv if you need me to back off, if we're moving too fast."

"We're not," she said quickly. "You're not doing anything wrong. I just need to get my head right. I need a little time … a few days."

Elliot feared that a few days might end up being longer. But he knew he would get nowhere by turning up the pressure. He was quiet while he processed his own reluctance. "Okay," he told her. "You tell me when."


	18. Chapter 18

Olivia jogged across the street and pushed through the glass doors of the deli. The place was packed with the early lunch crowd. She scanned the room and saw Kathy at a small table near the back. She took a deep breath and approached.

"Hey," she said as Kathy looked up from the menu. The blonde stood and offered a small hug in greeting. Olivia returned it. "Sorry I'm late. It's not that easy to ditch Elliot." Then she checked her watch. "In fact I'm not sure how long I can stay."

"Thanks for meeting me," Kathy offered. "I know you're busy."

Olivia glanced briefly at the menu and decided on an apple walnut salad, something small so she could make a quick escape if needed. Kathy chose a soup and sandwich combo.

Once the waitress had taken their menus, Olivia bit the bullet. "So what's up? What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Elliot."

"Kathy, why do I feel like we've had this conversation before?"

"Because we have," Kathy said quickly. But then she softened and changed her approach. She didn't want to get off on the wrong foot. "Eli can't stop talking about you."

"Oh God." Olivia rolled her neck and sighed. Why would she think for a minute that a 5-year-old could keep the personal politics of his father's love life under wraps. "I'm sorry. I hadn't seen him in ... I don't know how long."

"I think it's great," Kathy shocked her. "You should be in his life, especially considering that you saved it."

Olivia relaxed a little and smiled cautiously. "He's getting so big. The things he says. He's precious."

"I know," Kathy smiled proudly. "And you'll know when you spend more time with him."

Olivia was back to being shocked. "What do you mean?"

"Look Olivia, are you in his life?"

"Whose?"

"Elliot's."

"He's my partner."

"You know what I mean," Kathy pressed. "Are you _in_ his life?"

Olivia was quiet. She couldn't think of a single thing to say that seemed right at that moment. Saying no would be a lie. A yes might start a war. "Kathy ..."

"Because you should be."

You could have knocked Olivia over with a feather. "I don't want to be in the middle of what's happening with you and him," she scurried to say. "That's not my place."

"That's not entirely true," Kathy said. "In a way, you've been there all along."

"Okay. Here we go," Olivia huffed, rolling her eyes and raising her palms defensively.

"Just hear me out," Kathy began. The waitress approached with their food, a welcome pause in the unbearable tension. "I'm done fighting for Elliot. It's the wrong fight."

Olivia had to hear more. "What do you mean?"

"He and I spent so many years doing the right thing, trying to fix something that couldn't be fixed. We got together so young, we had the kids. We grew up in our marriage. We're different people than we were back then."

Olivia kept listening, and Kathy kept talking.

"For a while I was mad at you, pissed that you got more of him than me," the blonde confessed. "I've realized that the fight he and I should be fighting isn't to save our marriage, but to move on from it, send our kids out into the world as decent human beings, and make _ourselves_ happy."

"I can't believe you're saying this," Olivia sad with wide eyes.

"Believe it," Kathy joked. "It took me two years of therapy to get here."

"So _are_ you happy?"

"I'm working on it ... finally," Kathy explained. "I'm enjoying Eli. My older kids have finally matured enough that they don't think Elliot and I are out of our minds. Then she paused and contemplated whether to continue. "I've met someone." She said it as if she was trying to convince herself. "It's nice to be wined and dined a little."

The two women shared a smile before Kathy continued. "Elliot should be happy too. That's where you come in."

Olivia was suddenly uncomfortable with Kathy's intimate admissions. She feared making admissions of her own. "I can't sit here and suddenly tell you what I've been feeling. I don't want to disrespect your marriage. All these years ..."

"I need your help instead," Kathy interjected.

Olivia gave her a puzzled look. "Okaaaay?"

Kathy continued. "You know how this feels a little deja vu?"

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes then as she sipped her lemon water. She knew where this was going. "You want to finalize the divorce ... and you want me to give him a nudge."

"Now we're on the same page. You know him. He wants to protect everyone, so he won't make a move for fear he'll hurt me.

"I might be able to help," Olivia conceded.

"And you probably have your own reasons," Kathy said, calling her on the carpet a little. Olivia met Kathy's eyes but said nothing. "I get that you're with him."

Olivia again said nothing. Her silence was her admission.

"But I want to know if you love him."

Olivia eyed the pieces of apple and lettuce she'd just speared with her fork. She hadn't lied yet, so why start now.

"I do."

"Good," Kathy said firmly. "Because it would kill him if you didn't."

"I'll talk to him. But without letting him know he's being talked to, if you know what I mean." Both women were well schooled in the man. "He needs to get there on his own, but I can point him in the right direction.

"I'd appreciate that," Kathy said smiling.

"You know it's funny," Olivia said setting down her fork. "This is entirely _not_ the conversation I thought we'd be having today."

Kathy thought for a moment. "God, I'm sorry if I made you think ..."

"It's fine," Olivia said, raising her hand. "Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy."

"Maybe you should cut yourself a break," Kathy offered. "It's okay for you to be happy too."

Olivia had been hearing that a lot lately. If the people in her life kept saying it, she might start to believe it.

That night she went straight home. For the second night in a row, she didn't invite Elliot over. Even though her fears about Kathy had been unfounded, she was still wrestling with her role in his life. A part of her would always feel guilty about coveting him. For the most part she'd done it from afar and for a long time without even realizing she was doing it. She'd pulled the wool over her own eyes ... until she finally had to face her feelings.

She'd spent the better portion of her child bearing years driving around in a squad car with a man she couldn't have. She'd tried to let other men into her life. They didn't get far and, in fact, Elliot himself had chased a few away. Maybe she was always supposed to end up here - well into her 40s and still searching for reasons to keep him at arm's length.

She tapped her iPad to life. In the soft glow of the screen she forced herself to consider, if even for a moment, that maybe she deserved to be happy. And what it would take to truly get there.


	19. Chapter 19

The morning brought a different perspective, for Olivia anyway. Elliot was still confused … until she brought him coffee. She always brought him coffee. But today, as she passed his cup to him, she looked him square in the eye and rubbed her finger over his thumb.

"Good morning," he said. The small smile she gave him filled him with hope. "Hi, El."

Something about her seemed lighter today, he thought as he watched her settle in her chair across from him. He was staring again and he didn't care if she caught him. His eyes took in her long hair, her tailored but tasteful blouse, the lips he missed. But it was her eyes that captivated him most this morning. The light had returned to them.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she said softly, convincingly. "I'm good."

Cragen came rushing through the squad room then waving another of those slips of paper in the air. "We have another victim. You all go," he ordered.

When they arrived at the crime scene, Munch and Fin took the canvas while Benson and Stabler searched the victim's apartment, stepping over and around forensics techs and first responders. She found herself watching him work, his tie tucked inside his shirt, latex gloves covering the hands that had roamed her body. Everything about the way he moved reminded her that he was a man - his broad shoulders, strong jaw, the way he carried himself. She loved him - _God she loved him_ - but at the very root of it, she also found him incredibly sexy.

She shook her head and snapped out of it before he saw her looking. He might have been pleased if he had. At least he'd know she still wanted him.

They left the crime scene as they'd arrived - together. As they approached the sedan, she stopped him.

"Hey El?"

He stopped and turned to her. She took two steps toward him and slipped her index finger under his tie, which was still tucked between the buttons of his shirt. He looked down, following her fingers as she let them linger inside on his skin before slowly dragging the tail of his tie out of his shirt and patting it into place against his chest. She stared him down the entire fleeting moment. He swallowed hard when he felt her fingers on his skin and saw the look in her eyes.

She kept her hand on his shirt as she spoke. "Can we talk later?"

It took him a second to focus on her words. "Ah ... sure ... yeah, Liv."

"Come by tonight?"

He nodded and smiled. She smiled back and slowly removed her hand from him. The ride back to the station was filled with small talk and discussion of the case. He didn't push. He was willing to move at her pace.

It was 8:30 by the time he found himself at her door. He considered using his key but decided against it until he'd heard what she'd called him here to say. So he knocked.

Olivia looked through the peep hole and saw him standing there. She opened the door to see him flashing one lifted eyebrow at her. His eyes did not stay on hers. They took a trip down the length of her body, along her locks pulled into a messy bun, over the bare shoulder that had slipped out of her loose, blousey T-shirt, over her hips hugged by a pair of black leggings, to her bare feet and painted toes that dug into the plush carpet. She'd never been sexier.

"Why'd you knock?" she asked, her left cheek pressed against the edge of the door as she looked at him playfully.

"I was't sure about that," he confessed. "I don't know what the rules are."

"The rules haven't changed," she said, stepping back so he could enter.

"Good to know," he said as he brushed past her.

She could smell him again, the familiar blend of soap and aftershave. She was on him almost immediately. He was pleasantly surprised when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She was tentative at first, checking to see if she had damaged his desire by hitting the pause button on their relationship. He responded quickly by pulling her hips to his and framing her face with his hands as he kissed her. She ramped up then, kissing him harder and running the front of her body over his. She quickly rid him of his suit jacket before backing him up against the wall with kisses across his jaw and down his neck. He was having trouble keeping up with her blitz attack.

"Slow down, Liv."

But she didn't listen. She pulled at his tie until it came undone and tossed it. When she started on his shirt buttons he figured it was time for him to get in the game, so he palmed her ass, which was smooth in her skintight leggings, then brought his hands around front to fondle her breasts.

"No," she said, pulling his hands away from her chest and putting them back on her ass. He was surprised by her move but he was willing to take what he could get so he went back to squeezing her ass cheeks. She opened his shirt but didn't try to remove it, instead making a path with her mouth from his collar bone, down between his pecks to his stomach. She lavished his firm abdomen with kisses while she undid his belt buckle. She was moving quickly, and he felt like he wasn't doing his part, so he tried again, attempting to lift her shirt over her head.

She stopped him again. "You don't listen, do you?"

Alrighty then. He'd enjoy the ride, wherever she was taking him.

She dragged her lips over his navel as she dropped to her knees in front of him. He let his head fall against the wall behind him, and his eyes slipped shut with anticipation as he braced for impact. She rubbed him through his pants then lowered his zipper.

"Olivia ..."

But she ignored him. She'd had enough of his insolence.

His dress pants fell open in front of her. She hooked her fingers over the waistband of his boxers and tugged them and his pants down over his hips, just enough to free him from his confines. His cock was before her, warm and hard. She wrapped her right hand around it and began to stroke him.

"Liv..."

Damn him. Why couldn't he follow instructions and just shut up?

She removed her hand from him and moved it and her other one to his stomach. She ran them up over his body as she surrounded him with her mouth, first just the head and then slowly enveloping as much of him as she could.

It had been three days since she'd touched him and more than two decades since any woman had taken him in her mouth. He was afraid to look because he feared he might blow. But he wanted, needed to see her. So he lifted his head from the wall and looked down, her soft brown locks falling over her forehead, her lips wrapped around him, her hands caressing his torso. It was almost too much to bear.

He reached down and removed the clip from her hair, letting it fall all around her face, a few locks brushing against him as it fell. She opened her eyes then and looked up at him. He was a dead man. He'd finally died and gone to heaven. He was sure it was the only place you could get a blowjob from Olivia Benson.

He tangled his hands in her hair and fisted it, the sight of her stirring his hips to move a little and meet the strokes she was making with her mouth.

"Liv ... baby ... you gotta stop."

But she moaned and kept going, seemingly unphased that he was about to come uncorked. He was firmer then, pulling his hands from her hair to cup her cheeks and still her. He pulled her face up to his and eyed her with wonder. "Jesus Christ, Olivia, what the _hell_ was that?"

"I want you," she said, her eyes heavy with lust.

"Not like this," he said. "I need to be in you."

She didn't say anything. She simply gave him a look of surrender, let him know she liked his option too. He could have it her way, but she was willing to give it to him his way too.

Still grasping her cheeks, he pulled her in and kissed her deeply, sweeping his tongue through the mouth that had been on him. He was on fire with his want for her. In all these years, he was sure he'd never wanted her more than at this moment.

"Hang on," he warned, pressing his hands into her thighs and pulling them up around his waist to lift her. She clung to him and not just to keep from falling. She pressed her body to his bare chest and gripped his hips as he carried her into the bedroom and carefully lowered her down on the bed.

He hooked two fingers from each hand over the waistband of her leggings and pulled them down, revealing that she was wearing nothing underneath. Her skin was smooth and her legs long. He let his pants fall and pulled his shirt roughly off his shoulders. She ran her painted toes up his thighs and used them to help him pull down his boxers.

She was laying there looking up at him with a look of such want in her eyes that he feared this encounter would end too quickly. He wanted to nearly eat her alive, but he hit the brakes instead, settling on his own knees beside the bed and lifting her thighs onto his shoulders. He began with slow licks over her glistening core, turning the tables on her as she writhed beneath his mouth. Then he slipped his tongue inside her. She nearly lifted up off the mattress at the sensation, but he pressed one forearm ... one of those _damn_ forearms ... across her hips and held her in place. He dipped his tongue in and out a few times before dragging it slowly up and over her clit. She erupted underneath him as he circled his tongue on her. She lashed her head side to side and tried again to lift her hips but he pressed harder, holding her down and against his tongue.

She tried to tell him what she was feeling but it came out in pieces. "Oh God ... Elliott ... damn ... too much ... fuck yes!"

When she stopped fighting against his arm he weaned his tongue away from her and drew himself up her body. He gripped her hips and pulled her roughly to the edge of the bed. He looked her dead in the eye as he warned her, "I love you, but right now I am going to fuck you. Hard."

She said nothing, instead giving him a smirk that told him she was game. She'd come to play tonight.

He gripped his cock and, with one of her knees hooked over his forearm, buried himself inside her. He wasn't slow, and he wasn't gentle. Not this time. Then he looped his fingers through hers and pinned both of her hands to the bed beside her head. He loomed over her and nipped at her mouth as he used his feet on the floor and his knees pressed into the side of the mattress as leverage to pound into her. His hips were violent but his pace slow, taking time to deliver each stoke into her as deeply as possible. She cried out under him.

"Fuck yes, El. Give it to me like that."

He growled and flexed his ass, hips and abs as he bottomed out inside her. He never let go of her hands and never removed her flimsy T-shirt, instead taking the hem between his teeth and pulling it up to expose her breasts. In complete contrast to the motion of his hips, he made light licks over her nipples, anything he could do to drive her just little more crazy.

"You feel so fucking good, your mouth, your body," he panted. "I wanna come in you." He was losing control, driven through the act completely and solely by his body this time.

She was out of her mind with the way he'd turned on her. She'd started it, set the tone. But the balance of power had shifted. He clearly held the reins now and it set her on fire. She was strapped in for the ride.

He released one of her hands momentarily, using his to lift her other knee over his forearm and sink impossibly deeper into her. Then he gripped her fingers again and pressed the backs of her hands into the mattress as he thrust wildly into her. This final act of complete control sealed the deal for her. She bucked up against him as her orgasm ripped through her, his cock grinding into her and ripping wave after wave out with it. She said a lot then, but nothing made sense. He could hear her but he wasn't listening. Instead he was focused on pushing through the subtle clenches within her. She squeezed him once, twice, then he pushed and held as he emptied himself inside her, releasing a deep feral grunt as he came.

He collapsed to his knees then and dropped his head on her stomach. The room was full of heavy breathing. It would be a few minutes - a while really - before he'd remember that he'd come here to talk.


	20. Chapter 20

Once Elliot regained feeling in his legs, he pushed himself up her body to face her, their chests heaving as they breathed. He kissed her on the lips. "Sorry if I was rough. Did I hurt you?"

"I might be a little sore, but it was worth it," she told him. "Pretty epic actually."

"Epic? I like that," he grinned. "You had me out of my mind. _So_ hot."

They shifted so she was sitting up against the head board with his head resting on her stomach. He looked up at her as they talked and she stroked his face.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you're like this ... in here," she said gesturing around the room.

"Oh _really_. And how am I?"

"You make love like you work."

He questioned her with his eyes and then his words. "Tell me more."

"You go through all these moods," she explained, caressing his chest. "You're tender but then suddenly - out of nowhere - you're explosive."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's a great thing," she told him smiling. "Keeps me guessing. _And_ turned on."

He grinned. She kissed him this time, then offered a little more. "All the times I wondered ... what you'd be like … what this would be like."

"I thought about you too," he confessed. "A lot."

"No pressure."

He played with a few locks of her hair as he put her insecurities at ease. "Liv, you're amazing. More than I imagined." She blushed. "But you were a little off the chain yourself tonight, Benson," he added with a grin. "I'm not complaining, but what's up with that?"

"I told you already."

"Remind me."

"The idea of ... you know ... 'pleasuring you' … gets me a little crazy."

"I can't remember the last time I was been 'pleasured' like that."

She threw caution to the wind, a devilish look in her eye. "Would you think less of me if I told you I've been dreaming about doing that for years?"

"Only if you promise not to hate me for dreaming about _you_ doing that for years."

"And you didn't even let me finish." She pouted then for effect. "Just when you think you know a guy," she teased, shaking her head. "You've been walking around with those thoughts in your head? And I never knew?"

"You knew. Somewhere deep inside, you knew. Just like I knew."

"Maybe." She paused thoughtfully. "But now that I have you where I want you, there's something else I want to know."

"I don't really have the energy to put up a fight right now, so go ahead. Ask me anything."

"I want to know if the offer is still good?"

There was that clueless look again. "Help me out."

"The other day ... in the car ... you said you wouldn't mind becoming a father again." His eyes widened. "Did you mean it?"

"Of course I meant it. I would never have said something like that if I didn't." He paused to shake off the shock. "Are you saying that's something you want?"

"Been giving it some thought, did a little research," she said. "There's a lot to consider. And I want to do it the right way."

"What do you mean? There's only one way to do that. I could show you again." He grabbed at her playfully.

"Stop!" She laughed and wrestled his hands off her body. "Seriously, El. I know this isn't the sexiest conversation to have but ... we both know I'm past my prime here. I'm running out of time."

"I know the risks. We went through them with Eli."

"Before anything, I want to see a doctor," she continued. "I want to know if it's even reasonable at this point. I mean ... conceiving is the easy part."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Not yet," she said. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I need to look into this on my own ... for me ... right now. But if it's something I _can_ do, I want it to be you."

"I want it to be me too, Liv."

"So the offer is still good?"

"Absolutely."

"There's one more thing that goes into doing this right."

He should have known she wouldn't let him off that easy. "What's that?"

"I need you to be a bachelor. For real."

He rubbed his hands over his face, looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "That's fair. You'd be risking a lot for this. I owe you that much."

"So how about you make things final on your end and, if I get the go ahead on my end, we try to make a baby?"

"What about work? If you get pregnant, they have to put you on a desk. And if they find out it's mine ..."

"I know," she sighed. "That's something I … we … have to deal with. Could be a good time to prepare for the sergeant's exam."

"We'll figure it out, Liv."

He kissed her tenderly then. He'd expected this night to go so much differently than it had. He was happy to have her back in his arms and elated that she wanted more.

The next day they found themselves in Warner's office again talking about yet another victim. It never got easier. When Elliot stepped out to take a call, Olivia took the opportunity to reach out to Melinda.

"Did you eat yet?"

"No," the doctor responded. "I was waiting for you guys to get here before I went to lunch."

"Want some company?"

Melinda smirked. "You and Stabler?"

"Just me."

Melinda did a double take. Olivia's invitation was unexpected.

"Ah yeah ... we could do that," she said, eyeing Olivia curiously. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." Olivia glanced over her shoulder to check on Elliot's whereabouts. "Just wanted to pick your brain. If you're up for it."

"Give me 20 minutes?"

"I'll drop Elliot and circle back, okay?"

Warner nodded.

Elliot finished his call and joined the women again in the morgue.

"Everything okay" Olivia asked.

"I think. Kathleen's got this new boyfriend. I think he's shady. Kathy thinks he's great. Now I get to meet him."

"Give him a chance, El."

"That's what I keep hearing. You ready?"

Olivia drove as they rode back to the house. "Listen, I'm gonna drop you off. I have lunch plans. You'll be okay?"

I'm a big boy. I'll manage on my own," he quipped. But he had to know more. "What kind of plans?"

"When you stepped out, Melinda and I made plans."

"Warner?" Elliot inquired. "I can't say I remember you two ever having lunch."

"It's a girl thing."

He eyed her curiously. "Well I certainly don't want to get in the middle of _that_."

"I won't be long."

"Take as long as you need, Liv. Just text me if you'll be late so I can run interference with Cragen." He squeezed her hand and got out of the car.

Olivia and Melinda settled into a corner café and made small talk until the waiter took their order.

"Something on your mind, Olivia?" Melinda asked.

Olivia contemplated how to jump into such a personal conversation. "Your youngest … Lucia … is what … 8 now?

"That's right. She'll be 9 in May. Why do you ask?"

"And you had her when you were …"

Warner cut her off. "I'm 52. I had her when I was 44. Where is this all going?"

"If this is too personal, and I'm making you uncomfortable …"

"You're fine. Go on," Melinda said.

"Was your pregnancy okay? Did you have any problems?"

Warner smiled a knowing smile. "Olivia, are you pregnant?"

"No. God no." She paused before continuing, her voice quieter now. "But I am thinking about it."

"And you're worried about your age?"

"Of course I am," Olivia said. "A woman my age … there are so many risks."

"With screenings, and if you take care of yourself, chances are good you can still have a healthy baby," Warner explained. "Don't count yourself out."

"I want to see a doctor. Is there anyone you could recommend?"

"I have someone in mind. I'd be happy to call ahead for you."

"I'd be grateful."

"I am curious though," Warner said. "I didn't even know you were seeing someone."

"It's kind of recent," Olivia offered. "We haven't been together long."

"And you're already considering having a baby with him?"

"I guess I feel like I'm running out of time," Olivia explained. "Besides, even though we haven't been together long, I've known him forever. I trust him."

"Anyone I know?" Melinda asked playfully.

Olivia said nothing, but instead gave Melinda a look that spoke volumes.

"Ahhh," Melinda said, setting down her water glass. "Elliot."

"Melinda, listen, if you could just keep this between us …"

"Your secret's safe with me, Liv," Warner assured her. "But just tell me one thing."

Olivia nodded then, willing to answer her question.

"What took you two so long?"


	21. Chapter 21

Olivia returned to the station to find Elliot seated at his desk. When she entered he looked up through eyes ablaze with curiosity.

"Lunch was good?" he asked.

"Yeah," she acknowledged, taking off her coat. "It went well."

He smirked at her reluctance to reveal more. "Okay," he said, resigning himself.

"So …," she began, redirecting the conversation. "When's your big dinner? When do you meet the boyfriend?"

"Tonight," he answered with an eye roll. "Apparently I've been summoned."

"See now, if you go into it with that kind of attitude …"

"Funny, that's what Kathy said."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders and eyebrows in the same motion. "Imagine that - Kathy and I thinking alike."

"So what are you doing tonight?"

"Apparently not what I did last night," she said flirtatiously.

"You never know," he countered. "So I was thinking …"

"Oh here we go …" she said, dropping her pen and waiting to hear whatever he was scheming.

"You should come with me."

Olivia laughed out loud. "That's funny, El."

"Seriously, come with me," he persisted. "Guy might have a better shot if I'm distracted."

"Elliot." She stared him down. "You can't be serious." She said it because something told her he was.

"Mixed company might make the whole thing go better," he argued. "Take the pressure off a little."

"Don't you think that might raise some eyebrows with your family?"

"Gonna have to rattle that cage eventually."

"Tonight?" she questioned. He nodded in reply. "Let me think about it."

As they worked side by side the rest of the day, Olivia weighed his invitation in her head. She knew where she stood with Kathy, but she feared the response from his children. He was either making a huge mistake by asking her, or it was an ingenius way to break the ice and broach the subject of her new role in his life. She decided to trust him. She trusted him with everything else. Why not this?

"So where is this thing?" she asked as he drove through the darkness toward Queens.

"Kathy picked it, a little Italian place. Everybody likes Italian, right?"

"How do you want to play this?"

He shot her a serious look. "First of all, I'm not playing."

"Alright."

"You know everyone there, except Mark of course. It's not the first time you've eaten with my family."

"As your partner."

"You're _still_ my partner, right?" he persisted. "I promise you I will not tell a lie tonight. Just go with it … and trust me," he said, squeezing her hand on the seat between them.

She couldn't argue with that, so she choked down the butterflies in her stomach and walked confidently into the restaurant a half pace behind him.

"Hi Daddy," Kathleen said as she saw him approach. She stood up and hugged him, meeting Olivia's eyes over his shoulder. "Hi Liv." Olivia smiled hopefully. "Hey guys," she said, waving nervously at the Stabler family plus one seated at a large corner table.

"Daddy, this is Mark," Kathleen said proudly, tugging her boyfriend out of his chair to shake hands with Elliot.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Stabler."

Elliot grasped the young man's hand and looked him in the eye with a small smile. "Likewise. I've heard a lot about you." Then he motioned to Olivia, placing his hand on the small of her back, a silent gesture of reassurance. "This is my partner, Olivia Benson."

Olivia shook Mark's hand too and turned toward the rest of the table.

Kathy spoke then. "Hey Olivia. I didn't know you'd be joining us. The more the merrier."

"We were on a call nearby. Elliot invited me. I hope I'm not intruding."

"Not at all," Kathy said, giving the other woman in her husband's life a loaded look.

Olivia greeted the other Stabler children then. Some of them she hadn't seen in quite some time. Dickie was a man now, having clearly inherited his father's blue eyes and strong jaw. Maureen was a stunning blonde, and Elizabeth a mature version of the little girl Olivia remembered.

"You're all so … grown up now," Olivia said with wonder, looking around the table.

"Hi Livia!" Eli said. "You sit by me?"

"Hi buddy," she smiled as she tossled his curly hair. "I sure will."

Dinner went well. Maureen and Kathleen managed to communicate silently with each other their apparent but pleasant surprise that their father had not arrived alone. Mark took his share of sideways looks and impromptu interrogations from Elliot. Both Kathy and Olivia silently scolded him when he went too far. In the end, Mark survived and Kathleen was relieved.

When dinner was done, Elliot and Dickie walked Eli to the bathroom and stood outside the door waiting for him.

"So seriously, Dad, never?" Dickie questioned with a huge grin. "Not even once?"

"What are you talking about?" Elliot was confused momentarily, then followed Dickie's eyes to see that he was scouring Olivia, who stood about 20 feet away with Kathy and Kathleen.

Elliot playfully smacked Dickie in the back of the head. "You're seriously asking me this right now? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"No disrespect to Mom, and I'm totally _not_ into the whole cougar thing, but c'mon man," Dickie said, pushing his luck. "She _is_ hot … for an old chick anyway."

"Dickie, enough," Elliot said through clenched teeth.

Then the younger Stabler slapped his dad on the back and said, "You're a better man than me, Pops."

"Pops? _Pops?_" Elliot shook his head and mumbled as the women approached. "I'll _pop_ you."

He forced a smile back onto his face and shook Mark's hand again. Eli reappeared from the men's room and everyone said their polite goodbyes. Elliot got hugs from all of his children, as did Olivia. She got an especially warm embrace from Eli. The gesture wasn't lost on Kathy.

She took Olivia's hand in a polite handshake and pulled her into a friendly hug. "He really does think the world of you, Liv," she said of her youngest son.

Olivia spoke quietly in return. "Look, I'm sorry about tonight, showing up like this, but he insisted."

"We all have to start adjusting, getting used to each other in a different way," Kathy said. "Come to think of it, I'd like for you to be there when I introduce my 'friend.'"

Olivia met her eyes. "I can do that."

"You guys about ready?" Elliot interjected, the lengthy exchange between the two women lingering beyond his comfort.

Everyone parted ways, and Olivia followed him out of the restaurant to the car. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Elliot shook his head, his thoughts still resonating on Dickie's words.

Olivia saw his wheels turning. "What is it? I thought it went well."

"It did. It's just … I'm gonna kill my kid."

"Dickie?"

"Yeah. All of a sudden he's an expert in women."

"He is 21 now, El."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't give him … just forget it." Elliot shook it off and changed gears. "You had a nice time?"

"Yeah actually. It went much better than I thought. It was nice."

"I guess I don't have to threaten Mark's life or anything … yet."

"You're such a tough guy, Stabler," she said, mocking him.

"Hey, I know how guys are."

"Really?" She was smiling flirtatiously at him. "How are they?"

"They want things." He gave her a crooked smile. "Like I want you."

"Are you saying your intentions are less than honorable?"

"Come home with me tonight, Liv."

"I knew it," she said laughing.

"It's late. We're already in Queens. I'll take you back early tomorrow so you can dress for work."

She negotiated with a suggestive smile. "Throw in breakfast and you've got a deal."

"Done."

They entered his small apartment and removed their coats. "Make yourself at home. I can get us a drink. You're welcome to shower or whatever. I might even have an extra toothbrush in there."

"And why would you have an extra toothbrush?" she asked seductively as she wrapped her hands around his neck. "Get a lot of overnight guests, do you?"

"You're the second," he said. She froze, but he qualified his statement before her mind wandered. "Don't be ridiculous, Liv. I mean other than Eli. But he uses a Spiderman toothbrush."

"I think I could go for a shower. Alone," she smiled, remembering what happened the last time they'd showered together. "But I do have a little problem."

"What's that?"

"I have nothing to sleep in."

"I really don't see that as a problem," he said, grinding his hips against hers and pecking her lips. "But I think I can muster up a T-shirt or something."

"That'll do. Gimme 15 minutes?"

"Take as long as you need. I'm a patient man."

His son was right. He had shown an incredible amount of restraint over the years with Olivia. He could wait 15 minutes. After all, he'd waited 14 years.


	22. Chapter 22

Olivia came out of the bathroom and flicked off the light. She was wearing Elliot's T-shirt and nothing else. He was seated on the bed upright against the headboard, just smiling at her.

"What?" she asked under his gaze.

"I'm glad you're here."

She smiled then too. How could she not with the expression on his face? She approached and straddled him, resting her weight on his muscled thighs. She kissed him once, twice then settled in for a long, deep kiss as she snaked her hands between them to tug at his boxers.

He lifted them both up just enough that she could pull down his boxers and settle back on his thighs. He ran his hands up the outsides of her parted thighs to find nothing but smooth skin under his T-shirt.

"Mmmmmm," he moaned against her mouth. "This is dangerous."

"I'm not scared," she said between kisses. "Touch me."

"You don't have to ask, Liv," he said, running two fingers slowly through her damp folds. "You want me?"

"Always."

He dipped his middle finger into her, and her eyes slipped closed upon his most welcome intrusion. He worked her with his finger and watched her expressions as he moved. He was sure he'd seen every possible look on her face over the years - compassion, rage, frustration, amusement and what he now knew as love. But she continued to surprise him as she gave herself over to the sensations he was creating.

She lifted his T-shirt over her head to reveal herself to him, and he watched her hair fall back over her shoulders. Her eyes were heavy with want - or maybe it was need - and her cheeks flushed. Her nipples were erect, her arms brushing past them as her fingers traveled his chest. Then she ran them down and locked them around his shaft. He groaned at the contact. He didn't really need the coaxing. She just enjoyed touching him.

She gripped his shoulders and raised up. He withdrew his finger from her and steadied his cock under her as she ever so slowly worked herself down over his girth. She rolled her hips and settled on him as her body adjusted to his invasion.

"I wanna go slow tonight," she told him. "Feel you."

"Take your time, baby. We're just gettin' started here."

She began rising up and down on him. She moved so very slowly, feeling his cock slide along every inch inside her. He kept his hand at the side of her neck and locked his eyes on hers. He was captivated by the rapture on her face, her soft moans, the gentle rolls of her head as she slid down on him her way, at her pace. She had complete control and none at the same time. He pulled his eyes away only long enough to suck gently on her nipples.

She promised she'd take him slow and she did. She didn't rush to her climax, rather enjoying the slow build of each stroke. He cupped her cheeks and dipped her head back so he could mouth her neck, the whole time her hips rising and falling slowly on him. This was the sex she'd waited 14 years to have. Not the monumental implication of their first time. Not the sensual, erotic, frenzied or ferocious times since. This particular tryst brought a new and powerful connection. She didn't care if she came because she didn't want this to end. Tonight, it wasn't the destination, but the climb. She wanted to feel every inch of him rub along every inch of her, over and over as she moaned.

"You are so fucking gorgeous, Liv," he said with wonder. "I love watching you."

So she gave him a show.

She arched backwards, bracing her hands on his thighs, her hips moving in a languid rhythm and her breasts bouncing before him. His cock thumped against her front wall and the feeling intensified. If it was possible, she moaned louder but more breathlessly with each rise and fall of her hips. He ran one hand up and down her body between her breasts and circled the thumb of his other hand over her sensitive bud. She writhed and fell out of rhythm as she was overcome with the intense bolt of pleasure that rippled through her belly and down through her core. She clenched around him, and her whole body stiffened with the sensation.

"That's it, Liv," Elliot coaxed her over the edge. "Let it go, baby."

He spoke softly, his fingers never leaving her and his eyes dancing over her pleasured face. He could feel her collapse against him with exhaustion, every drop of her energy released from the inside out over the course of their sustained collision.

She'd gone slowly, savored every stroke. She had nothing left to give him except herself. He pushed himself up and eased her backwards on his bed. He curled over her and kissed her mouth and neck as she slowly returned to him from the place he had taken her.

"Thank you," she said softly.

But there was no thank you needed. Watching her face as her body shook was the gift she'd already given him. But he'd take what else she was offering. So he pulled her knees up around his waist, sunk back into her and forced another breathy moan from her as he entered.

He plunged deeply, rolling his hips and using a hand behind her neck to hold her mouth near his so he could make love to it with his tongue. She ran her fingers up and down his arms and savored the sensation of his chest brushing over her nipples as he moved. He pressed his hips into hers with each thrust. It was as if he couldn't get deep enough into her to show her what he was feeling. Two nights ago he had pummeled her with his physical need. Tonight he was trying to inject years of emotional restraint into her with his body. He wasn't frenzied, but thorough, making each pass through her take as long as possible.

Finally he could hold on no longer. She felt it coming and she braced for it, for him. She knew he'd need her to help him through this eruption. "Uuuuuuuhuuh," he grunted and buried himself one last time and let go, his warmth spreading through her. She silently and breathlessly absorbed the most intimate thing he could give her.

"Not yet," she protested as he moved to shift his weight off of her. "Stay with me." So he stayed inside of her a little longer, kissing her lips softly, chastely.

"Tonight was important, Liv," he told her. "I want you in my world."

"Sometimes I feel like I can't get close enough to you," she said. "Does that even make sense?"

"Perfect sense," he said, looking into her eyes. "But I'm not going anywhere."

She let him withdraw then, move at least that far. Then she settled in next to him, one naked body curled into the other, succumbing to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Elliot awoke before dawn. He'd been awake a little longer, just watching her sleep, watching her breathe. She looked so peaceful, something he didn't often have the luxury of seeing throughout the day. She was turned away from him, snuggled into her pillow with the sheets riding low on her bare back. He ran his fingertips along her spine then took the same path with his lips. She began to stir at his touch.

"Nooooo," she protested. "Not yet."

"Liv, baby, we got to start moving so I can get you back to your place."

"Mmmmmm." She shifted around under the sheets, reluctant to leave what felt to her like the safest place on earth.

"I'll get some breakfast going." He retrieved a pair of pajama pants from his dresser drawer and left her to wake at her own pace.

Olivia finally rose off the mattress and pulled the sheets up around her bare body. She immediately missed the warmth of him. She looked around his dark bedroom and smiled, a sliver of sunrise peeking through the blinds. She slipped back into his T-shirt and her underwear and headed for the kitchen, lured by the smell of coffee and something sweet.

She found him shirtless in the kitchen, moving with the confidence of a man who knew his way around the pots and pans. He looked up at her and smiled. "I promised you pancakes. I'm a man of my word."

"Indeed you are," she said, kissing him briefly on the lips and admiring how his pajama pants rode low on his hips. She couldn't resist running her hands up his ribs. He was tempted, so very tempted, but fought against his body to keep his mind on the bigger picture. "We gotta eat quick. I'll find you some sweats or something to ride home in."

She persisted, pressing into him, and whining just a little. "But I wanna kiss the cook."

He lifted her onto the counter and stood between her parted thighs. "I would love nothing more than to make love to you again, but we gotta move. I don't want to give Cragen any reason to bitch."

"Good thing I have you to keep me in line, Stabler."

He smirked. "Now sit. Eat."

After only one bite, she certified Eli as a credible culinary critic. "These pancakes are to die for, El."

"A recipe perfected over many Sunday mornings."

She sipped her coffee as she watched his expression change. "You miss it don't you?"

"Parts of it," he said, taking a gulp of his morning brew. "But I still get to do it for Eli. My other kids are too big to appreciate it anymore. Every once in a while I get to try out my recipe on someone new. Like you."

"Just me?"

"Only you," he said, punctuating his words with his gaze. "I'm gonna shower. You finish eating, and we're outta here."

She binged on eye candy as he walked down the hallway. She could only shake her head at the sight of his sculpted back and the swagger of his hips. _Damn._

He dropped her at her place by 7 and went to pick up two large coffees while she showered and dressed. When he returned, she was dressed and ready to go. Her appearance left him momentarily stunned. She looked so God damned good in form-fitting black slacks, a purple blouse with one too many buttons undone and soft lavender lip gloss. She also smelled delicious. When she bent to get in the car next to him, the open collar of her blouse fell away to reveal a hint of her black lace bra. He'd been there, done that, but she still drove him crazy.

"You look ... really nice," he said, eyeing her from the driver's seat.

"Thank you," she smiled. "I feel good. I slept well."

"Good," was all he said. They exchanged loaded smiles, and he steered the car away from the curb and toward the precinct.

About midday, she rose from her chair across from him and started toward Cragen's office. Even though he didn't realize he was doing it, Elliot followed her with his eyes the whole way, turning in his chair to watch her walk. He turned back to see Fin grinning at him.

"What?"

"You are so whipped, man," Fin said shaking his head.

"Screw you," Elliot retorted, more embarrassed than mad that he'd been busted.

Fin was just as guilty, having only caught Elliot looking because he was looking too. But he had to have the last word. "I don't think it's me you wanna screw."

In uncharacteristic fashion, Elliot kept his mouth shut and turned his attention back to his computer screen.

Olivia used two knuckles to tap on Cragen's open office door.

"What's up, Liv?"

She slipped her palms into her back pockets as she spoke. "I need to take a few hours personal time."

"The time is yours," the captain said. "Take it."

"I'll just be a couple of hours."

"We know how to reach you if anything breaks. Everything okay?"

"Just an appointment."

Cragen nodded, his body language telling her he'd heard all he needed to hear and she was free to go. But as she turned to leave, he called after her.

"Oh hey, Liv, while I have you here ... close the door a second."

She glanced out at Elliot, closed the door and turned back to Cragen. He opened his desk drawer, removed a magazine-size booklet and slid it across his desk to her. "This is for you."

She read the title silently and then aloud. _City of New York Police Department: Preparing for Advanced Rank Exams._

"It's time, Liv," he offered. "I think you'll do well."

"I appreciate it, Captain."

Of course, you know this means change. The department won't keep more than one sergeant in this unit."

She was thoughtful as her eyes perused the cover. "The end of an era."

He glanced over her shoulder and threw a nod toward Elliot through the slatted blinds. "Or a beginning."

She turned to see his eyes land on Elliot. If they both took and passed the sergeant's exam, chances were good one of them would be transferred out. It would effectively end their partnership but also allow their relationship to emerge from the shadows.

"You get what I'm telling you, Liv?"

"Yeah … yeah I hear you," she said, moving her eyes from the booklet to her superior officer. "Thank you."

She folded the booklet in half and nodded to him before leaving his office, headed back out into the world to consider all of the decisions before her. She returned to her desk and to Elliot to get her jacket. Without saying a word, he managed to question her about her conversation with Cragen.

"I'll tell you later," she said, knowing curiosity was currently killing his cat.

"Where you headed?"

"I have an appointment." She said little but smiled at him, offering reassurance that despite how God damned good she looked today, her mysterious midday appointment very much involved him. "I'll tell you about that later too. Be back by 2." And she was gone, leaving her scent and an air of mystery in her wake.

Olivia had been waiting in the small exam room for about 20 minutes, nervously flipping through everything from _People_ to _Baby Talk_. Her fingers fumbled at the pages, but she didn't absorb their content, her mind running in circles. Finally the door opened and a middle-aged woman in a white coat entered. It was showtime.

"Hello Ms. Benson, I'm Dr. Kondas," the physician said, extending her hand.

"Please ... call me Olivia," the detective said, returning the handshake.

"In that case, you can call me Cordelia."

"I'm a friend of Dr. Warner's," Olivia offered, trying to break the ice.

"Melinda. Of course. She let me know you were coming. I'm happy we could wedge you in on such short notice. Tell me about yourself. What brings you in?"

Olivia took a deep breath and began. "I have a gynecologist, someone I've seen for years. But I wanted a specialist. I … uh … understand you deal almost exclusively with high-risk pregnancies."

"I do," the doctor acknowledged. "Do you think you're pregnant?"

Olivia rubbed her slightly sweaty palms down the thighs of her slacks before answering. "No. But it's something I am thinking about ... for the near future."

Dr. Kondas opened Olivia's chart and glanced over the new patient information she had filled out in the waiting room. "I see. And I assume you chose to see me because you're worried about what we call advanced maternal age?"

"Yes. I want to know if it even makes sense for me to get pregnant now. If I'm healthy enough."

"Are your periods regular?"

"Yes."

"Any previous pregnancies?"

"No. A false alarm in college but nothing else."

"What about your mother?" the doctor continued. "How many pregnancies and live births for her?"

"Only me, as far as I know," Olivia muddled through uncomfortable territory. "She's gone, passed away."

"Do you know how old she was when she had you?"

"Young. Her early 20s."

"You were full term?"

"Uh … I believe so. My mother never said otherwise."

"Are you otherwise healthy, any medical issues?"

"No." Finally a question she could handle. "None."

"Are you taking any medications, prescription or over-the-counter?"

"Just birth control. For many years."

"Well Olivia," the doctor began, closing her file and leaning in. "We have to do some blood work, check your overall health. It gives me a baseline to work with."

Olivia nodded.

"We also can do genetic screenings, just more bloodwork," the doctor explained. "But they let us know if you're predisposed to any diseases or birth defects that might prevent a healthy pregnancy."

Olivia listened, taking in what the doctor was telling her. Her mind was spinning.

"Of course, those are optional. I highly recommend them, but I can't force you to know what you don't want to know."

"No, I get it," Olivia said. "The more information the better."

Satisfied that Olivia was following her, Dr. Kondas pressed on. "There are some basic things that probably won't be news to you but that I have to go over."

"I understand."

"Obviously, if we do the screenings, all is well and you decide to move forward with conception, we want you to avoid alcohol, tobacco, narcotics, all of that."

"That's no issue."

"And it's in your best interest now ... at any time really … that you be monogamous."

"Again, no issue."

"So you have a partner?"

Olivia ruminated on the thought a minute, the word "partner" suddenly taking on multiple meanings in her world. _This is my partner, Detective Stabler. _She wasn't used to saying yes to this particular question asked this particular way, but today she had no reason to answer any other way. "Yes. I am with someone."

"He is the potential father? He would be part of your care?"

"Absolutely," Olivia affirmed. "He's probably a little disappointed that I didn't bring him along today."

"Tell me about him."

"Well ... he's a couple of years older that me ... but in good health. He has five children." She struggled for comfortable words to finish her thought. "… from his marriage."

"All healthy?"

"Yes. Even the youngest. He was born when his mother was over 40."

"If you want and, if he is willing, we can do some bloodwork and screenings with him, as well."

"I will talk to him about it," Olivia said. "It shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay then, we'll go ahead and do an exam now, and I'll get you scheduled for that bloodwork."

Dr. Kondas handed Olivia a paper gown and stepped out of the room so she could change. As she climbed up on the exam table covered only by the stiff and unforgiving paper garment, she felt so very exposed, so very alone. She immediately regretted not bringing Elliot with her. She closed her eyes and engaged in small talk with Dr. Kondas throughout the exam, anything to distract her from the awkwardness of the situation. But she knew this exam would be just the first of many awkward situations that she - and Elliot - would have to navigate.

Elliot dialed the familiar number and waited for his call to be answered. Kathy Stabler picked up on the third ring. "Hi Elliot."

"Hey. Just checking in. Everybody alright?"

"Yeah," Kathy laughed. "I think we all survived last night okay."

"You were right. Mark isn't so bad," Elliot conceded. "But you know, the jury is still out."

"I would expect that from you," Kathy said.

He snickered.

"What I didn't expect was to see Olivia."

Elliot was quiet, rubbing his temple while he thought of how to respond. "Yeah about that ...," he began.

Kathy waited. Even though she knew, she didn't step in to rescue him. She wanted to hear him say the words.

"I asked her to come along. She's important to me."

"Hasn't she always been?"

"Yes. He rubbed his head harder now. "But that's kind of evolving."

"Elliot, are you seeing her?"

He wanted to crawl into his desk drawer, curl up and hide from this moment. But he owed it to both women to be honest. So he held his breath and answered. "Recently. Yes."

Kathy relented. "See, was that so hard?"

Elliot scoffed. "You have no idea."

"Don't you think I knew this day would come?"

He was struggling through every blessed second of the conversation. "I don't know what to say to that, Kathy."

She threw him a lifeline then, satisfied that he'd twisted in the wind a little anyway. "Well, it was fine. The kids were glad to see her. Eli loves her."

"Which reminds me," Elliot segued. "When I pick him up on Friday, will you be around?"

"If you get there by 6:30, yes. Why?"

"I just wanted to talk to you about something," Elliot said. "Something I'd rather discuss face to face."

"Fair enough."

"Okay, I'll be there by 6," he said, bringing the call to a close. "And Kathy?"

"Yep."

"Thanks."

He didn't have to explain what he was thanking her for. She knew. She could have let him suffer. But in her own way, she was putting them both out of their misery.


	24. Chapter 24

Olivia returned to the office a little after 2, delayed by a short line of patients in the hospital's express lab. The three small viles of blood she had drawn held the answers to her future. She brought the weight of the last few hours back into the room with her.

"Everything go alright?" Elliot inquired.

She heard him but she remained lost in her thoughts. "Ah … yeah … sorry I'm late." The time of her return was the least of his concerns.

"Feel up to taking a ride with me?"

"To?"

"We have a lead on where Kozak is working." Frank Kozak was a suspect in a recent string of subway stalking incidents. They needed to find him.

"Sure, we can do that."

He pried information out of her as they drove. "You going to tell me where you went?"

"I saw a doctor, someone Melinda recommended."

"About the baby thing?"

"The maybe baby thing," she clarified.

"Fair enough." He knew he needed to tread lightly through treacherous territory, but if he was going to be part of it, he deserved to know. "And?"

"I had bloodwork done, did a history, an exam. I don't know anything yet. There's more bloodwork, screenings. It's a process."

"Of course it is, Olivia. You don't have to shut me out."

"There are things she asked me … about my mother … things I don't know. This all is just … so much."

"We don't have to rush."

"Right now there is no _we_, Elliot!" She was ready to unload on him. She was feeling so very exposed by the exam, the questions, admitting to herself that she was sleeping with a married man and considering having his baby.

He was quiet then, visibly hurt by her words. He had every intention of making their situation right. He just needed time. Fourteen years hadn't been enough. They rode a few blocks in silence. He kept his eyes on the road, and she kept hers off of him.

"I talked to Kathy today."

She didn't respond.

"I'm going to see her this weekend when I get Eli."

"I'm not going with you so don't even ask," she blurted. She'd hurled it like a stone.

"I _wasn't_ going to ask." She could hear his tone grow cold then. He hadn't done anything wrong, yet she was using him as her emotional punching bag.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Okay."

"I just have so much to think about."

"You don't have to do it alone," he told her. "Talk to me."

But she was lost. "Right now I don't even know what I want to talk about."

"Okay." He kept saying the simple word because it seemed his best defense throughout what had developed into a verbal sparring match.

"You know, Liv, this isn't easy on me either. But I'm willing to do what it takes to be with you."

She realized then that she'd been unfair with him. There was no need to treat her partner, her lover like an enemy. "I know. I'm sorry," she said, taking his hand. "Let's just work."

So they did. The lead ended up being false, adding a frustrating exclamation point to the end of an already trying day.

He kept trying. "Can I take you to eat?"

"I think I just want to go home."

"Okay, I'll take you."

He pulled up in front of her building and waited for her next move. She didn't invite him in, offer any extension to their evening. But he didn't let her go without a fight. He pulled her into him and held her, running his hands down her hair and speaking softly. "I know you're trying to push me away. It's what you do, what you've always done. But I'm here."

She relaxed into him, let him hold her. Why was it so God damned hard for her to let him hold her? She could touch him and be touched by him in their most intimate moments. It was the words - all the other stuff - that still gave her fits.

"I'm not good at this. I told you going in I would screw us up," she said.

"I don't think we're screwed up," he argued. "I'm trying to get divorced. You're trying to deal with this baby thing. That's a lot for anyone. What doesn't help is you thinking we have to do those things alone."

He looked out the windshield, searching for more words. "Let me ask you something."

She turned to him, ready to listen.

"If we weren't sleeping together, if we were what we used to be …" After all, it had always been difficult to put a name on what they used to be. "Would you be able to talk to me about what's going on?"

It was a good question, and she didn't know the answer. "I don't know."

That wasn't good enough for him. "Alright. I'll get you in the morning. But tomorrow night I'm headed to get Eli. You can call me." Several beats passed between them. "If you want." He didn't reach for her again. It was her distance to bridge, and he wanted her to meet him halfway.

She expected him to make a move, kiss her goodnight, say something. But he just sat there waiting for her to get out of the car. She knew she'd wounded him, injured them. "I _will_ call," she said. He finally looked at her but all that was left to do was watch her get out of the car and walk away. He just didn't know how far.

They did their jobs the next day. And that was all they did. They didn't flirt and didn't touch each other. It was one of the few times in years that a day had passed without their feelings breaking the surface, acknowledged or not. He rose from his desk around 5 and put on his suit jacket. She was running out of time to pry the wedge loose.

"Got a minute?"

"Just a minute. I'm running late with traffic."

She motioned with her head toward the conference room. He stepped inside with her, closed the door and just waited.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Okay." There was that word again.

"I'm going to get my head together this weekend," she said. He didn't say anything, so she folded her arms across her chest and paced a little. "I want you in this with me."

"And I want to be there. But I can't fight you, Liv."

"We've been at this less than a month. Maybe these are _my_ growing pains," she said thoughtfully. He'd had his putting Ricky Alvarez through a wall. "We're trying to make up for all this lost time, and I'm having a hard time keeping pace."

"The sex is the easy part, Olivia."

"It's the part I'm good at."

He couldn't argue.

"The other stuff is the hard part. But we'll get there." He pulled her to him then, and she didn't twist, fight or fidget. "Let me call you tonight once I get Eli settled."

It was her turn to play it safe. "Okay."

Elliot drove over the bridge and into Queens on autopilot, his mind stumbling over Olivia. He should have known that since getting together had taken so damn long, being together wouldn't be seamless. The light was on at Kathy's house - what used to be his house - and he could see Eli's small suitcase in the foyer. He tapped on the screen door and entered before anyone responded. Knocking was a formality really. Eli came rushing down the hall and hugged him. "Can you give me a few minutes, Little Man?"

"I'll finish my game," the boy said, plopping down on the couch and turning his full attention back to his handheld game system.

Elliot approached the kitchen cautiously, each step loaded with trepidation. Kathy was there putting dishes away. "Hey," he said. Small simple words were his forte today.

"You made it on time." Miracles do happen.

"I only have a few minutes," she qualified. "I have plans tonight."

Since she offered no details, her plans obviously involved Kent. Part of him wanted to know, as it would simplify the conversation they were about to have. "Where you headed?"

"Dinner. Maybe a show."

Still no details.

"Sounds nice," he said simply.

"He is." And there it was. She'd opened the door, so now it was up to him to step through it. There was no more need for small talk.

"There's no easy way to ask this question," he began. He wasn't preparing her for it as much as he was preparing himself.

"Just ask," she pressed.

"Do you still have those papers?"

"What papers?"

He was going to have say the words. "The ... divorce papers."

She knew damn well what papers he'd meant, and she'd played dumb on purpose. He didn't need to know how very close to the front of her emotional drawer the papers were filed - regardless of the fact that they'd been drawn up more than six years ago.

"I do." She sat back and waited.

He dug deep for the words. "Do you think maybe it's time ..."

"I'd say it's way past time." Her abrupt statement downright shocked him.

"So you're ready?"

"I've been ready," she said. "Are you saying you're ready now?"

"I think so."

"Why?" she inquired.

"Why what?"

"Why now?" she asked, her arms crossed over her chest now. "Is it because you're sleeping with Olivia?"

He rubbed his hands over his face and sat back in the kitchen chair, expelling the breath he'd been holding since he sat down. "Kathy ..."

"Well? Are you?"

"Are you sleeping with Kent?"

Her eyes grew wide. She didn't think he'd counter, lash out. She was sure she'd be the only one throwing stones.

"I'll find them this weekend. They'll be ready when you bring him back on Sunday."

And then she was done with the conversation. She abruptly rose from the table, walked into the livingroom to hug Eli, and disappeared up the stairs.

Elliot remained at the table briefly, staring at blank space in the kitchen he'd once remodeled. He was running on fumes now. Finally he rose from the table and walked into the livingroom. "You ready, buddy?"

Eli bounded off the couch and raised the telescoping handle on his suitcase. "All set," he said.

As they pulled away from the curb, Elliot glanced back at the house. He was just in time to see the porch light go dark.


	25. Chapter 25

Olivia spent most of Friday night on her couch, her face illuminated by her iPad and her mind awash with everything her detective skills could dig up on genetic screenings. She'd spent years wondering if she could have inherited a violent streak from her rapist father. Now she feared what her potential child could inherit from her. But knowledge was power, and she never needed either more since being striken powerless by a swirling vortex of indecision.

Elliot remained a man of his word, rousing her from her thoughts around 11 p.m. with his call. For the first time all day, the prospect of talking to him flooded her with relief.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hey, baby." He didn't say it seductively, but rather with the familiarity reserved for the person he held closest.

"I'm glad you called." It was a small peace offering on her part, a modest Band-Aid for the crap she'd given him all day."

"I said I would. I wanted to."

"How did tonight go?"

"It was strange, to be honest," he confessed.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I couldn't read her really. She was all over the place."

Olivia wanted to know more, but she didn't want to assume there were no boundaries between his life with Kathy and his life with her. "I understand if you don't want to get into it ..."

"No, it's fine. I need to talk about it." He settled back on his own sofa, resting one socked foot on his coffee table. "She was indifferent when I asked about the papers."

Olivia assumed Kathy would be. As she'd explained during their covert lunch, she wanted the papers signed, but she also didn't want to seem too eager, at least for Elliot's benefit.

"And you expected her to be upset."

"Well, yeah. I haven't mentioned them since … well … back then," he said, recalling the night some six years ago that he'd reluctantly dropped the papers in Kathy's mailbox, rang the doorbell and ran. "I figured she'd be pissed I was resurrecting the issue."

"Maybe it's her way of coping."

"Maybe. Then she got snippy."

"How so?"

"She asked about you."

"Elliot … you took me to a family dinner unannounced. She's not stupid."

"I never said she was."

"So what did you tell her?"

"Not much." He paused a moment. "She was seeing Kent tonight."

"She told you that?"

"In so many words," he confessed. "It made me feel better about asking."

"It made you feel better about me." She said it so plainly on purpose.

"Maybe. You're all I feel good about. You and this bonehead," he said, rubbing the blanket-covered arm of his youngest son, snoring softly on the couch beside him.

"Kiss him for me," she said with a smile he couldn't see.

"I can do that. We won't see you this weekend?"

"I need some time to myself." Then she felt the need to qualify. "And that's not about you. It's about me."

"I get it."

"And Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss yourself for me too."

The weekend went quickly for Elliot and Eli. He always tried to pack so much into the weekends with his son to make up for the five nights a week he didn't get to help him with his homework or tuck him in. He always felt a pang of sadness on Sunday afternoons when he would gather the boy's things from around his apartment and tuck them back inside the suitcase that served as his link between two people who loved him but no longer loved each other.

The car was barely in park when Eli jumped out and ran up the walk to the front door. No matter which residence he was spending his time, he was always excited to arrive. Elliot trailed behind, in no hurry for a confrontation.

Kathy was in the kitchen again. "Everything go okay? Good weekend?"

"Always. He's a trip."

He looked at her, questions in his eyes, but not yet on his lips.

This time she didn't make him ask. "On the desk, in the den."

He walked through the kitchen and stepped into the small den lit only by a computer monitor. He flipped on the desk lamp and ran his fingers over the manila envelope that bore his name. He touched it tentatively, as if it was the source of a thousand paper cuts. Kathy watched him from the kitchen, leaning one hip against the counter and sipping a glass of iced tea as she studied his body language. She knew he needed a nudge.

"Sign them, Elliot. It's time."

It was only then that he knew she'd been watching. He pulled the stapled stack out of the envelope and clicked the pen she'd laid nearby. She'd made it so easy for him. He took one more look at her, then made the first swoop of a cursive "E" on the page. The rest of the letters flowed more easily. And then it was done. In a matter of seconds, he'd pounded the final nail into the coffin of a 30-year marriage. He expected it might feel liberating. But if he knew anything, it was to expect the unexpected.

He turned back to her. She was still watching him, waiting. "What now?" he asked.

"I'll turn them in tomorrow," she said. "Tuesday at the latest."

"Not wasting any time, huh?"

"Don't you think we've wasted enough?" Her words hit him hard.

"Go be happy, Elliot. You've waited long enough." She knew damn well how many years he'd been in love with another woman.

"And you?"

"I'm working on it. Getting there."

He stepped toward her and pulled her into a hug. His kissed the top of her head, as he fought silently, violently to keep tears from forming in his eyes. "I will always love you."

"I know. It's just different now," she said into his chest.

"You deserve to be happy," he told her. "I want that for you."

Then she spoke a painful truth. "I'm sorry it's taken us so long to realize that it wasn't with each other."

"Me too." He kissed the crown of her head one more time then spoke again. "Let me know if there's anything else I need to do. I'll make time."

She squeezed him then pulled out of the hug. "She's waited a long time for you. Go."

There wasn't a thing he could say in reply that would make the situation better or convincingly dispel the truth of her statement, so he said nothing. He kissed his baby boy goodbye and yelled up the steps to Elizabeth. Then he did what he'd waited years to find courage enough to do. He left.


	26. Chapter 26

By the time he got to the car, Elliot had reached his emotional threshold. He needed to get out of Queens and back into Olivia's bed. When he pulled up in front of her building 45 minutes later, he texted her.

_I'm coming up._ It was a statement not a request. It was also a warning.

As usual, her reply came quickly. _I'm changing so let yourself in._

She heard his key in the door as she emerged from the bedroom. When he entered she immediately recognized the predatory look in his eyes.

"El?"

He dropped his leather jacket on the floor behind him as he stalked toward her.

"Elliot."

He didn't answer. Instead he met her in the short hallway and pushed her into the wall with a thud.

"What the hell, El?"

"God I missed you," was all he said. He fingered the silk of the short robe she was wearing then wasted no time opening the belt holding it closed and pinning her arms to the wall beside her head. As he mouthed at her, he reached one hand down and undid his belt buckle and zipper.

"Elliot."

"Shhhhhh," he whispered, pressing his index finger to her lips.

He opened his pants and grabbed at her panties, tugging them hard off of one leg. He was manhandling her and she had no defense. Her hips and arms were pinned, and he was kissing her roughly.

"Elliot!"

"Shut up, Liv," he breathed into her neck. "Please."

As he lifted her legs off the ground, she wrapped them around his waist to keep from falling. She didn't even have time to steady herself around him before he was in her.

"Fuck yeah," he breathed into her ear as he sunk inside her. She let her head fall back against the wall and gripped him around his neck. There was nothing else she could do. Her legs had no leverage, and she couldn't move her hips because his were relentless. The only stability available was his shoulders in front of her and the wall behind her. So she just hung on and waited him out. By the way he was moving, she knew she wouldn't have to wait long.

He pawed at her breasts and dug his knees into the wall under her as he pounded almost desperately into her, the rough denim of his jeans punishing the tender skin along her inner thighs. There was no foreplay and very little kissing. He used little more than his hips to deliver into her body every raw emotion he'd brought across the bridge with him from Queens.

"Fuck, Liv, I'm gonna come."

His warning was unnecessary because she knew. He grunted, gripped her buttocks, thrust hard and held. After release, he managed to thrust two more times and hold her against the wall as he heaved breathlessly. His forehead fell onto her chest. She let him get his bearings before she spoke.

"Feel better now?"

"I'm sorry, Liv," he panted. "I missed you so much."

"Dammit, Elliot," she huffed, resting her head against the wall again and studying the ceiling while she fought to contain her emotions.

"I needed to be with you," he testified. "I haven't seen you, touched you since … what … Wednesday?"

"You mean the same day I stopped taking my birth control pills?"

He lifted his face to hers then, stunned at her words and their implication. "Christ Liv, why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't really give me a chance did you?"

He relaxed his knees and let her lower her feet to the floor, easing the pressure of his hips against hers. He stepped back and reached down to retrieve her discarded panties then tucked himself back into his underwear, not bothering to do up his zipper or belt. He stood with his hands on his hips, studying the carpet and still trying to catch his breath. Like so many times this weekend, he was at a loss for words.

She belted her robe and looked at him, taking in the stunned look on his face. She recognized a mix of fear and exhaustion. His surprise was so genuine that she actually felt sorry for him. She stepped toward him and put a hand on his face. "It's okay, El. But we need to talk."

"Okay. Let's talk."

She rolled her eyes at him. It wasn't as if she could blurt out everything she needed to say on demand. She needed to recoup from the emotions he'd stirred with the physical assault he'd just unleashed upon her. Under different circumstances she might have enjoyed a rough ride. She just wasn't in the right frame of mind tonight.

"It's not that simple, Elliot."

He took a deep breath and softened some. "Okay, I'm sorry." Then he reached for her, pulling her against him and holding her close in an almost desperate embrace. He was afraid he'd screwed up so much that if he let her go, she'd never let him hold her again.

Finally she linked her arms around his back and returned his embrace. "You just took me by surprise."

"It's been a difficult weekend. I couldn't get to you fast enough," he explained. "And now I fucked this up too."

"Not completely," she offered. "There's just a lot I need to tell you. Let's sit. I'll make tea." He was much happier to be landing on her couch than on her doorstep, ejected from her apartment and her world after his little stunt. Tea sounded good.

While the kettle warmed, she went to the bathroom and he waited on the couch, gathering his thoughts. Finally, she sat down beside him with two steaming mugs. "So tell me what happened this weekend."

He rubbed his face and hair with his left hand and balanced his mug with his right. "I signed the papers."

Olivia nodded and gave him her full attention. "So I'm guessing from your reaction that she didn't take it well."

He scoffed. "That's the thing. She took it _too_ well, almost like she'd been wanting to ask me too."

"And that's a problem? You're having second thoughts?"

"No. Not like that."

He got up and began to pace. He needed to choose his words wisely so she would understand that, despite his feelings about the demise of his marriage, his feelings for her were not in question.

"You gotta understand, I know it's over. It's been over," he explained. "But that doesn't make it easy to end something that lasted so long." He continued pacing, searching for the words. "I know what I want," he said looking at her. "But I'm still mourning what was. Does that make sense?"

"Absolutely," she affirmed. "That's who you are, Elliot. You don't do anything half-assed."

"Maybe fear of that grief is why I've waited so long to make it official. Why I didn't have the guts to make a move with you when I wanted you so badly."

"Let's not rehash that. We're here now," she said. "But is this where you _want_ to be?"

He sat down next to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "God yes, Liv. Please don't doubt that. But this is rough. It's the end of a way of life for me. It's like I failed."

"Please don't do that to yourself," she pleaded with him. "How many chances did you give it? How hard did you fight?"

She was right. He hadn't always been the most communicative at home, but his dedication hadn't wavered, even after Kathy threw him out eight years ago. He didn't even give in to temptation with Olivia back then, reluctant to put his foot on the pedal despite the green light hovering over his head. When Kathy pressed for the paperwork, he found every possible reason to procrastinate. Until his fear that she'd regret him scared him more than signing his name. Then came Eli.

This time he'd spent a year on his own with Olivia dangling in front of him like fragrant fruit, and he still hadn't reached for the vine. Until she reached for him. And now Kathy was turning him loose, resigned to the truth - they'd be better swimming alone than continuing the pointless work of patching a raft riddled with holes. She was finally letting him have Olivia, or letting Olivia have him. But he couldn't help but harbor a twinge of guilt for wanting to go and another twinge for giving a damn.

"Elliot, you've been living that life forever. It's gonna take some getting used to," she said, dispensing advice she herself wouldn't follow. "Cut yourself a break."

"Please don't think I don't want this," he said gesturing between them. "Because, God, I want this."

"I know. I know you want me," she said, cupping his face. "But do you need time?"

"Not that kind of time, not time away from you," he paused. "I just need you to be patient with me."

"You're asking me to be patient?" she snickered, his request the very understatement of the last 14 years. "I think I can do that."

"So what do we do about this … tonight?"

"We deal with it," she said simply. "It's a long shot anyway with me just coming off the pills."

"Why'd you stop?"

"If ... and I am saying _if_ ... I want to get pregnant, it will take a couple of months off the pills before my situation is ... before my body is really ready."

"Okay."

"But I meant what I said," she added firmly. "I need things to be final in your end beforehand. I won't do it any other way."

"I know. That's why I talked to her this weekend."

"So in the meantime ...," she began.

"No more sex?"

She laughed out loud at him. "Do you really think that's something we could do? I mean, now that we've ..."

"I'm not gonna lie. It would suck." He was laughing now too. "But if that's what you need, then that's what we'll do."

"I need _you_. But we have to be careful, do things a little differently for a while."

"You mean ..." But he couldn't finish the sentence.

"Yeah. Try some other things, take precautions." She saw him break eye contact and begin to blush. "Why do I feel like I'm talking to a class of junior high kids right now?"

"I get it, Liv. You don't have to say it."

"So you're saying you can _do_ it ... do _that_," she said gesturing to the wall where he'd just unloaded on her, into her. "But you can't _talk_ about it?"

He raised his eyebrows and gave her his biggest grin. It was his best shot at squirming his way out of this predicament.

She couldn't resist him. "I just love you."

_Bingo. It worked._

He switched gears then. "So did you hear anything from the doctor?"

"Bloodwork looks good so far," she told him before pausing. "And now here's where you come in?"

"I don't follow."

"If you're willing, you could have bloodwork too. It will tell us if there are risk factors we need to consider."

He shifted on the sofa then, resting his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. The conversation had clearly taken a detour into discomfort for him.

"What is it, El?"

"When Kathy was pregnant with Eli, we didn't have the tests," he explained. "It was better not to know, us being Catholic."

Olivia understood now. "Did you ever stop to think that there are other not-so-Catholic things you do ... that you're doing?"

He sat back against the couch and eyed the ceiling while he released a heavy sigh. His discomfort had just gone from bad to worse. Fearing she'd hurt her cause more than helped it, she stepped in with more words.

"Look, I get what you're feeling. Your beliefs are important to you," Then she made her case. "I'm just scared. I don't want to go through with this without giving it the best possible chance. I may only get one shot."

He looked over at her and ran his fingers over her bare knee. There wasn't a thing in the world he wouldn't give her. "When?"

"When what?"

"When would I have to have the bloodwork?"

"It's not set in stone, but the sooner the better. It's your call, El?"

"No, it's _our_ call," he corrected her. "We have to make this decision together because this right here is where we stop operating as two separate individuals. If we've ever really been partners, it's now."

"I never thought about it like that," she said, resting her hand atop his on her knee. "We _are_ really good partners."

"Yeah we are."

They were quiet a minute, both considering the credibility of his argument. "Do I have to decide tonight?" he asked. "Can I stay, talk about it in the morning?"

"Of course you can stay."

"I'm sorry I ... uh ... didn't take care of you." He'd been so hell bent on getting inside her that he'd failed to consider her needs.

"It's fine, Elliot. I plan on giving you plenty more chances."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."


	27. Chapter 27

Elliot watched through the observation window, Cragen at his side, as Olivia pushed Frank Kozak's buttons in the interrogation room. He'd stood here - and on the other side of the glass - thousands of times before watching her work. Today was no different. Until she pressed her hands onto the table and leaned all the way over to get in Kozak's face.

Her pants smoothed over the curve of her ass, and her blouse hung low in front. He never doubted that she was put on this earth to torture him. He swallowed hard and shook his head, trying to focus on what she was saying, not how she looked saying it. Her voice reached him through the wall-mounted speaker. "Frank, we both know you're good for this." Then she leaned in just a little further. "Tell me," she added in a seductive whisper.

Suddenly it wasn't even safe to listen. Elliot cleared his throat. He was roused from his thoughts by the stuffed suit shuffling past him to grab the interrogation room doorknob. "Excuse me, gentlemen, but I'll be speaking with my client now. Party's over." John Buchanan pushed through the door and put an abrupt end to Olivia's interview.

She was pissed, exiting the room and slamming the door behind her. "So we start over," Cragen said, turning down the speaker in the interest of attorney-client privilege and leaving his two senior detectives to work out the details.

"What's our next move?" she asked, turning to Elliot.

"Looks like we have to re-canvas," he explained. "See if we can find anyone at all to put him at the scene." As he spoke, his eyes caught fell on the exit sign glowing over her head about 20 feet down the hallway. He peered through the glass at Kozak talking with his lawyer. That situation wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

He grabbed Olivia's hand and tugged her toward the stairwell door marked by the exit sign.

"What are you doing?"

"Come with me," he said softly, firmly.

She rarely went blindly into anything so the questions kept coming. "Where?"

He held onto her hand as he descended the stairs. By the time they reached the sixth floor, she'd gone from curious to commanding. "Elliot, tell me what's going on. Now."

"You know Liv, sometimes you talk too damn much."

He kept taking the stairs with her in tow, finally reaching the fifth floor landing. He pulled her into a small alcove that housed a janitor closet. The closet door was locked, so the alcove would have to do. He pressed her into the wall and caged her in with his body around her and his hands braced on the wall beside her.

She was livid. "What the hell is going on?"

"We have some unfinished business, Olivia," he said in a voice so low she could feel it before she heard it. "And we're not leaving here until it's taken care of."

He kissed her neck as he unbuttoned her blouse, leaving it hang open around her tan lace bra.

"You can't be serious," she protested.

"As a heart attack, Liv. So, for the love of God, just shut up."

His lips traveled along her pulse points and his fingers fiddled with the front clasp of her bra. Her body felt so damn good, but her brain was screaming. "What if someone comes down here?"

"That's why you need to cooperate," he argued. "The sooner you accept what's going to happen, the sooner we'll be done here."

"And what exactly is going to happen?"

"I'm gonna make you feel so good."

"Mmmmmm," she moaned as the clasp gave way and his warm palms found her breasts. He brushed his thumbs over her nipples, ripping away a little more of her restraint with each swipe. He unbuttoned her slacks and slid down her zipper. Shit was about to get real, and she was quickly losing interest in fighting him. So she reached for his pants too.

"No." He was firm, unwavering. "Don't touch me." It took everything in him to say it and mean it. He'd been aroused since watching her interrogate Kozak, and his condition hadn't been upgraded by the sight of her bare skin. "This right now is all about you."

The heel of his hand pressed against her naval as he slipped his fingers down into her panties. He lowered his head and licked her nipples as his fingers traveled further south through her most private parts, quickly uncovering evidence of her arousal. "I knew you wanted it."

Her brain continued battling, but her body was on board for what he was offering. He was one stubborn son of a bitch, so she knew it would take a lot more effort to resist his advances than give herself over to the pleasure he wanted to give her. He was in her ear the whole time, each dirty word resonating in her core. She listened to his tirade.

"You feel so fucking good. You make me so hard."

He slipped a finger inside her, eliciting a moan and buckling her knees. He gripped her around the waist with his right arm while his left did the work. "Stay with me here, Liv."

Her moans came effortlessly now.

"Feel good?"

"So good," she breathed. "Yes."

"You want more?"

"Uhhhhh," she moaned. "Please. Yes."

"Tell me," he said, echoing the simple but seductive words she'd used in her interrogation.

"I want more."

"Tell me what you want," he demanded, the muscles in his forearm flexing as his fingers moved.

"More."

"No," he scolded. "Tell me how."

"Just like that," she breathed, digging her fingers into his forearm.

"What else?"

"Your fingers."

"Where?" He wanted to hear every word.

"Inside me."

"That's it, Liv," he breathed at her neck as he slid a second finger into her. He stopped talking just long enough to make another pass over each nipple.

"You feel so good inside," he pressed. "You like it when I fuck you?"

"Please, Elliot."

"Tell me," he demanded again.

"God yes."

"How about when I fuck you with my fingers?" he pressed, sliding both fingers in and out of her more quickly, his left knee prying her thighs further apart.

"Fuck yes, like that."

He was so hard for her, and she could feel him against her hip. "Let me touch you," she pleaded.

"No!" He stilled his fingers then, punishment for her insubordination. "Don't you dare." He made her wait a few endless seconds then started moving again. "Now, where were we?"

"You were …"

"I was what?"

"Fucking me."

"With what?"

"With your fingers."

"Now say it. Say all of it."

She pushed the words out between breaths. "You were ... fucking me ... with your fingers."

He grinned ear to ear. "That's right, Liv."

He had her right where he wanted her. The set-up established, he went in for the kill, finally pressing the pad of his thumb to her clit. She bucked against him with the sensation. It was so sensitive, and she was ready to blow.

"Are you gonna come for me, Olivia?"

"Yes."

"Because we're not going back upstairs until you come for me."

She needed no ultimatums. As his thumb kept circling, she clenched softly around his fingers over and over. He kept them moving at a delicious pace. The man was a multitasker because, right now, his thumb was going round and round, his fingers going in and out, and she was coming undone. He gripped harder around her waist as she slipped over the edge, rambling off incoherent dirty words and breathy moans.

"Oh my fucking God. Yes!"

"That's it, baby," he panted in her ear. "Feel me finger-fuck you."

He pressed his mouth over hers then to swallow her screams. He felt her inner spasms and pressed into her with his hips to keep her from sliding down the wall in front of him. The waves were relentless, and he held her through them. Slowly she returned to him as he eased the pace of his fingers and kissed her mouth.

Her eyes fluttered open to see him grinning like a lion that had just devoured a slab of red meat. Her mind might have been playing tricks on her, but she could swear she saw him lick his chops.

"That was ..."

"Yeah it was, Liv. So fucking hot."

"Are we even now?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "I think that should about cover it."

She finally felt her feet on the ground, so he released his grip on her waist. She fastened her bra and began buttoning her blouse, tucking it back into her open slacks.

"This was so wrong on so many levels," she breathed. "We could have been caught."

"I know," he said, still grinning.

"And what about you?" she asked, nodding toward the bulge in his pants.

"Watching you just now is all I need. It'll more than get me through the day."

"You smug son of a bitch."

"You wanted it. You loved it," he asserted. "And you love me."

"Yeah, El," she said with a kiss. "Yeah I do."


	28. Chapter 28

Elliot and Olivia sat opposite each other on her sofa, their feet pointing in opposite directions, study buddies prepping for the sergeant's exam.

"El?"

"Yeah."

"If we do this, and we both pass …"

"Which we will."

"Okay, but what then?" she pondered. "We both can't stay."

He'd been thinking about it himself. "My opinion?"

She nodded, inviting his honesty.

"I'll go." He offered such simple words in solution to such a complex problem.

She rubbed her chin with two fingers and rolled her neck, processing the resolve behind his simple response.

"It makes more sense, Liv," he added. "You belong at SVU. It's the best use of your gifts. The victims need you."

"They also need you," she said, reluctant to dismiss him from their partnership.

"If things go as planned, you'll be going through an even tougher transition," he argued. "If they put you on desk, it might as well be at SVU where you can still make a difference with the victims. And you shouldn't have to go through so much change at once."

She knew he was right. It was just tough to imagine life without him by her side, having her back. He could see her wheels turning. "It's not going to be easy, Olivia. But we will get through this. If you still want …"

"I do." She didn't hesitate.

He set his study materials on the coffee table, sat up and moved toward her. She fell into his embrace. "I do too," he said.

She inhaled his scent and reveled in the feel of his arms. He was her safe place. She pulled back from the hug, cupped his face and kissed him softly, then gradually with more passion. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and shifted on the sofa to bring her body closer to his. Her study booklet fell onto the floor and he moved over her, lowering her back on the sofa.

She tugged at the hem of his T-shirt, and he lifted up so that she could lift it over his head. His warm, chiseled chest came into view and she roamed it with her hands, her fingertips combing through his short chest hair and over his strong shoulders. He slid his right hand up under her T-shirt and cupped her breast, kneading it tenderly as he kissed her. He ground his hips against hers, his erection growing as they moved. Her skin was soft, and she smelled fresh like the shower gel in her bathroom he'd lathered over her body that morning. The memory of the water trickling over her nipples stirred in his mind as he moved over her.

He pulled her up with him and removed her T-shirt and bra, bringing both hands to her front and massaging her breasts. He sucked at her neck, as she rolled her head back and closed her eyes. His chest was against hers until he lowered his head and lavished her nipples with his mouth. She ran her hands over his shoulder blades, digging her fingers in a little more as his tongue brought her buds to attention.

"I want you, El."

"And everyday I'm thankful for it."

He kissed her deeply again as she wedged her hand between them and slipped her fingers into the elastic waistband of his sweats. She wrapped her hand around him and stroked him. He ground his hips against her hand and moaned into her mouth at the contact. He lifted up onto his hands and moved his hips, his cock gliding through her fingers. She mouthed at his chest, laying soft kisses along his pecks as she moved her hand.

He looked down to watch her hand stroking him and saw her sliding her knees back and forth, trying to ease some of the pressure between her legs. She needed to be touched. He hooked his fingers over the elastic of her yoga pants and pulled them and her panties down together, tossing the tangled garments on the floor and settling back down on her.

He touched her softly, almost teasingly. She was warm and wet and welcoming to his fingers, writhing under him at the contact. "I'll never get enough of touching you," he breathed into her neck, his right arm flexing as his fingers parted her. He'd been rough and demanding in recent days. But not tonight. He was careful with her body, his rough edges pressing into her softness, smoothed by her skin.

She lifted her left leg out from under him, bending it at the knee, digging her heel into the couch cushion and allowing him to settle between her thighs. He looked down at her as she gripped his cock and aligned it with her entrance, her eyes telling him it was time to push. He pressed inside her as she opened her legs wider to welcome him. His buttocks flexed, his sweats riding down on his thighs and his hips grinding into her as he settled inside her.

"Yeah, like that, El."

She pushed up into him as he began his movements, pulling back then sliding deeper into her with each cautious thrust. He went slowly, watching her face as he moved, and kissing her in between. He couldn't help but think she truly looked happy to have him inside her. Her words told him she was.

"It's so good."

Other than the sight of his children's smiles, he couldn't think of anything he enjoyed watching more than her face when they made love. For years he'd imagined what she would look like, sound like. And now, her face was painted with pleasure and her voice echoing soft affirmations of his actions. She wrapped her legs higher on his waist, pulling him just that much deeper and setting off her orgasm. She bucked under him and cried out, urging him to hit into her harder. Watching her come stirred the start of his climax so he sped up, thrusting just a little harder and eliciting louder moans from the woman under him.

"You have to pull out, El."

Her command surprised him, but he wasn't willing to jeopardize a good thing by making the same mistake he'd made nights ago.

"Liv … where?"

"On me," she managed between moans.

His pace quickened as he felt the sensation build and push through his shaft. He pulled out of her and gripped himself firmly, grunting as he released his warm fluids onto her stomach. She reached her hand down to meet his and help him prolong the sensation. She was used to feeling him twitch inside her, so watching it happen was new.

He breathed heavily and slowly opened his eyes to see her staring up at him fondly, lovingly. She caressed his chest with her fingertips as he came down from the physical high. She seemed in no hurry to wipe away what he'd given her, but he rose quickly from the couch, pulled up his sweats and retrieved paper towels from the kitchen. He wiped away the remnants of his love for her, her smiling up at him the whole time.

"That was different," she said, smiling.

"However you want it, that's how we'll do it."

For two months they waited – Elliot for paperwork to be finalized and Olivia for her progesterone levels to regulate. They made love less frequently but just as passionately. They used their hands and mouths, and each time he came on her stomach instead of inside her body, she couldn't help but think it was a lost opportunity. But she stuck to her guns. One door had to close before she was ready to push through another.


	29. Chapter 29

Olivia rushed into the squad room carrying her usual load - plenty of emotion and two large coffees. She passed one to Elliot.

"I can't," he said. She was puzzled, so he clarified. "I'm having the bloodwork today."

She raised an eyebrow as surprise flooded her face. He'd made the appointment on his own without telling her but didn't mention it in case he lost his nerve. He'd fasted since last night and was due at the doctors office at 9.

"Alright," she said smiling softly and settling into her chair. She wanted to hug him but their current surroundings prevented displays of affection. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna do this."

She nodded at him, communicating her gratitude with her eyes. He read her loud and clear. "It's fine, Liv. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Right?"

By the following Thursday, Elliot's test results were in. Dr. Kondas asked to meet with both of them, so Olivia took the monumental step of bringing him to her appointment and introducing him as her partner. Almost. _This is my ... this is Elliot._ She stumbled over the words, but she wasn't hiding anymore.

They'd been given the go-ahead. The genetic tests had identified no anomalies other than conflicting Rh factors. And that could be worked out with a simple injection once ... if ... Olivia got pregnant. There was still the risk that she could experience complications carrying a child to term, but she was cleared to conceive and take her chances with aggressive prenatal care.

"So what happens now? Elliot asked. "Do we have to ... you know ... try at certain times?" Olivia smiled at his discomfort with the words.

"I don't think we're there yet," Dr. Kondas said. "We have no reason to believe that Olivia can't conceive. I think you just go about your business, do what you do. There's no need to make it a high-pressure thing.

Elliot's body language softened then. The doctor turned to Olivia. "You'll be in touch," she said extending her hand.

"I sure hope so," Olivia said with a smile, returning the handshake.

They walked out of the office in somewhat stunned silence, both contemplating the relief of the moment. He opened her car door for her - something he rarely did - then slipped into the driver's side. Before he started the ignition, he turned to her and smiled. She returned a smile he swore originated in her eyes. He palmed her cheek then leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, never saying a word. She squeezed his hand and they were off, back to work with a little less of the world's weight on their shoulders.

It had been a quiet day in the job so far when Cragen hollered into the Media Center to get Elliott's attention. "Your ... uh ..." He wasn't sure what to call her these days so he went the safe route. "Kathy's on the phone."

Elliot went to his desk to take the call. He assumed she was calling to remind him about something she was sure he'd forgotten. He gave her his standard greeting. "Stabler." But his tone softened as soon as he heard her voice. She hadn't called today to make small talk or tell him where he needed to be. She'd called to deliver the news.

"It's done, Elliot."

"What do you mean?"

"The papers. It's final. The lawyer just called."

He was quiet. He wasn't sure what to say. "Kathy..."

"You don't have to say anything. It is what it is."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she countered. "I'm not. But it's bittersweet."

He felt like he should be doing something. "Is there anything I need to do?"

"I don't think so," she said. "You'll be getting your copy in the mail soon."

"And we just keep doing what we're doing? With Eli?"

"I think it's working," she affirmed.

"Okay. We'll talk soon."

Olivia returned to her desk just as he was hanging up. His was pale. He ran his hands over his face and hair and sat back in his chair.

"What's up, El?"

He took a deep breath and spoke simple definitive words. "It's over."

She gave him a questioning glance.

"The divorce. The papers. It's final."

She wanted to reach for him, absorb some of the emotional impact for him, but she couldn't. And she shouldn't. This was his to process.

"I'm fine," he said standing and pulling his suit jacket from the back of his chair. "I'm just ... I'm gonna take a walk."

She watched him go. This time she didn't follow. She knew he needed time inside his own head.

Three days after the paperwork came through, Cragen summoned them both into his office.

"You two up for a field trip?"

Olivia gave the captain a quizzical look, and Elliot sighed deeply, crossing his arms over his chest. "What now?"

"The pattern rapes?" Both detectives nodded in acknowledgement.

"We have a suspect in custody up north, nabbed in a simple assault at Hartwick College," Cragen explained. "There's a DNA hit in CODIS. Might be our guy."

"Where?" Olivia asked.

"Oneonta. Past Binghamton."

They knew what was coming next. "I need you two to drive up, question him, bring him back - _if_ he's our guy and _if_ Otsego County gives him up," the captain said. "Drive up tonight, bring him back tomorrow."

Benson and Stabler eyed each other. They weren't looking forward to driving three hours upstate into the heart of the snowbelt, but solving this string of rapes would go a long way toward lightening their caseload.

"Fine," Elliott said. Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Go home, pack a bag, get on the road before dark," Cragen instructed them. Olivia walked out with Elliot close behind.

Cragen stopped him. "Oh and Elliot ..."

Elliot stopped in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"Book two rooms. Sleep where you want. You're welcome."

Elliott returned his captain's sideways smirk and left his office. Cragen was left standing there, his trademark hands in his pockets and a sage smile on his face. He couldn't help but root for them.

Elliot dropped Olivia at her place so she could prepare for their trip then went on to Queens to pack a bag. Olivia gathered the essentials - work clothes for the next day, a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, toiletries and her phone charger. She eyed the bottle of prenatal vitamins on her dresser then tossed them into the bag. She looked at herself in her dresser mirror for a moment, considering the potential for non-professional aspects of their trip. She opened her underwear drawer and rifled through the soft, silky items at the back. _"What the hell?"_ she thought, tucking a little something lacey into her bag, zipping it and texting Elliot that she was all set.

They drove north as darkness fell. "This may not be so bad," she said, watching the lights along the highway flash across his face. "It's kinda nice. We don't have to pretend."

"I was thinking we should make the most of it," he said. He took her hand, intertwined their fingers, pulled her hand toward him and kissed her fingers. "We can be what we are."

She thought a moment before inquiring. "Which is what, El? What are we?"

Her question surprised him. He knew what he wanted them to be but felt no particular need to put a title on the current state of their relationship. "Together, Liv. We're together."

She didn't argue.

The ride was long and, the further north they went, the less interesting the surrounding sights. For miles they would ride in comfortable silence, touching now and then. And sometimes they talked.

"So I was thinking," she began. "Your kids."

"Yeah," he offered, waiting for her to say more.

"How would they feel about another baby?" Then she forced herself to say it. "Our baby?"

"I know what baby you mean, Liv," he quipped, glancing over at her with a smirk.

"Okay, smartass," she said, smacking his shoulder. "Now answer the question."

"I think it will be a mixed bag. Maureen and Kathleen I think will be fine from the start," he explained. "I think Dickie and Liz will come around in time."

"And Eli?"

"I know that kid thinks the world of you, Olivia. And he'd probably like _not_ being the baby for once."

"So you think it will be that simple?"

"Nothing will be simple, baby," he told her, kissing her fingers again. "Nothing with us ever has been."

She considered for a moment that no truer words may ever have been spoken. She unfastened her seatbelt, slid across the bench seat of the sedan, linked her arm under his and rested her head on his shoulder, watching the white lines disappear under their tires.

The further away from the city they got, the more she relaxed into him. He could feel the shift in her body beside him. It was an endless ride north along I-88 into mountains that were home to more pine trees than people. But he was in no hurry to get there, instead basking in her sense of increasing comfort.

Finally they reached Exit 17 and entered the small town of Oneonta. The main street was lined with small eateries and coffee houses, and the sidewalks were surprisingly alive with the college crowd. It was if a single block of Manhattan had been transplanted here, just enough flavor of home in the shadows of someplace far away.

Elliot steered the car into the underground garage at the Travelodge, a two-story corner complex that welcomed visitors into town.

"We'll check in then find some dinner," Elliot suggested.

"Sounds perfect," she agreed.

Elliot did the formalities at the registration desk and tucked the key cards for both rooms into his pocket - even though he knew they would only be using one.

The night was chilly but the sidewalks inviting, so they strolled along Main Street, peeking into the windows of restaurants until they found one they could agree upon. They talked about the case, the pattern rapes and questioning their suspect first thing in the morning. They each ordered a sandwich and shared half with the other. It was their normal routine, the one they'd fallen into long before they were lovers. But there wasn't nearly as much tension seated with them at the table as there used to be in the days before they were together. _Together._

Olivia eyed him in the low light of the Red Caboose. He looked tired from the drive but he also looked relaxed, like sleep would not elude him tonight. The papers were signed, the bloodwork was done, and for this one night out, they didn't need to look over their shoulders to avoid the inopportune eyes of their colleagues. They could just be.

As they walked back to the hotel, Elliot pulled the key cards from his pocket, fanned them in front of her and delivered an intentionally cheesy pickup line. "So ... your place or mine?"

She laughed at him then considered her choices. "I've got two doubles," she said, proudly swiping her room key from his hand.

His smile grew wider because he knew he had this one won. "Is that right?" he flirted. "Well … I have a king."

She accepted defeat. "King. Definitely the king."


	30. Chapter 30

While Olivia showered, Elliot called Kathy to check in on his children. The conversation was short and civil. It always was. Then he checked in with Cragen to let him know they'd arrived and had an 8:30 a.m. appointment at the Otsego County sheriff's office. He was tempted to shower with her but he wanted to get all ties to home and work out of the way now so he could be free to think about nothing but her for the rest of the night.

When he'd taken care of their responsibilities, Elliot tossed his phone onto the desk and rubbed his hands over his face, pushing away fatigue from the drive north. He wanted to be completely present for the hours ahead. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and tossed it over the chair next to the bed. He was bare-chested in his dress pants when he heard the hinge of the bathroom door creak open.

He turned to see her emerge in a black see-through baby doll nighty that was barely long enough to cover the matching panties. Her breasts were nearly bursting at the neckline, reined in only by a thin black satin ribbon woven through the fabric. Her nipples cast circular shadows beneath the lace. He'd seen her completely naked many times already, but something about this window dressing - leaving just enough to the imagination - left him with his mouth hanging open. She was breathtaking.

"I … uh … don't have anything like that," he said, his eyes fixated on the lace straining to contain her cleavage.

"Well I certainly hope not," she teased. "You? In this? Complete turnoff."

"I mean ... uh ... I don't …"

"Shut up, Elliot," she said stepping into him and pressing herself against his bare chest and abs. Without her shoes, he stood a solid five inches taller than her and she reveled in his height advantage and broad shoulders before her. He'd grown hard the moment he'd seen her across the room and now she could feel him against her stomach. They'd been at it for months, learned each other's bodies, but the prospect of sex with him never got old. Even when she was with him, thoughts passed through her mind of the things they hadn't done yet and different places and ways to do the things they already had. Each time there was a blank canvas. She was hoping to paint with many colors tonight.

"Do me a favor." She kissed his mouth. "Think about baseball, the Knicks ..." She kissed his neck. "Anything but what we're doing." She kissed over his collarbone.

"Why's that?"

"I have plans for you." She was kissing his chest now. "You gotta stay with me until I'm done with you."

"I know!" He said it with the enthusiasm of a novice spy cracking a secret code. "I'll think about Babs Duffy."

She was mouthing his mid-section erotically, but stopped abruptly at the mention of the name, thoroughly amused by the memory of their run-in with the overbearing, loud-mouthed redhead who, over the course of the case, had hit on both of them. "That's a good one, El," she said palming his chest. "I'm not sure which one of us she was hotter for."

"I think it was you, Liv," he teased. "Can't say I blame her."

"She was right about one thing."

"Mmmm?" he questioned wordlessly as he began kissing her neck.

"She had this crazy idea that you had the hots for me."

He stopped kissing her neck and grinned widely at her. "The woman was an absolute fucking genius."

"But …" he continued, "if you want this to last, you shouldn't have brought this into the equation," he said fingering her nighty where it dipped between her breasts. "I love everything about you, the tough stuff too. But this ... this sets off all the parts of you that are so soft ... so sexy ... make you a woman. The sexiest woman I've ever seen."

Her eyes fluttered shut at his words. She shuddered when he spoke again, this time in a low rumble. "And we have all night, baby."

She'd heard enough. She pulled her arms from around him, reached down and unbuckled his belt. Then she unzipped his pants and let them fall to the floor at his feet, his buckle clinking as they fell.

His eyebrows flew upward with a smirk at her bold move. "Was it something I said?"

"I thought I told you to shut up," she said, pushing against his bare chest with one hand and sending him backwards onto the bed. He propped himself up on his elbows, forcing his abs to flex, and eyed her, starting low and working his way up her body. She took two slow steps toward the bed and, as she lifted a knee to crawl over him, her nighty rode higher, giving him a glimpse of the lace at the crux of her thighs. He didn't get to look at it for long, because it was mere seconds before that same triangular piece of fabric was rubbing over his naval, her thighs settling on either side of his hips.

He released his elbows and dropped back against the mattress, settling in to enjoy the view above him. He ran his fingertips slowly up the outside of her thighs, the hemline of her nighty tickling his wrists as he moved. She rolled her hips over his stomach and hips, her eyes closed and her head dipped back as she focused on the sensation of his skin between her thighs.

He grabbed her hips and rolled her over onto the bed, his chest hovering over her. Her eyes opened at his abrupt movement and locked on his predatory gaze. He dropped his mouth and ran his lips tenderly over hers, licking her lower lip. She reached around and grasped at the nape of his neck, her fingers pressed into his closely-cropped hair. She deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue between his lips. He responded with his own tongue and palmed her left breast, massaging the mound and ever so slowly swiping his thumb across the lace at her nipple, feeling it harden as he moved.

He pulled away from her mouth and drew his eyes down to that black satin ribbon holding the neckline of her nighty together. He smiled at her as he untied the ribbon slowly then worked it out of the lace eyelets until the foot-long sliver of black satin came loose in his hand. He held the ribbon above her, brandishing it as if it were a coveted weapon in their erotic game.

She was amused at how proud he seemed of himself. But she didn't get to tell him so before he dipped his tongue into the crevice between her breasts and licked its length. She palmed the back of his head and moaned at the sensation. His mouth moved at a torturously slow pace, up the crevice, over her clavicle and along the length of her neck. He pulled his mouth away from her and pressed the piece of ribbon between his teeth, then slipped his right hand up under her nighty, dragging the black lace north as his fingers closed over her breast. He kneaded her skin on skin, then pinched and tugged at her nipple before soothing the skin with slow swipes of his thumb.

She writhed her hips around on the bed under him. She wanted him to move lower, touch her, but she'd asked for slow and he was damn well going to give it to her slow.

He lifted the nighty and bunched it just above her breasts, revealing her nipples to him. He wanted to lick them, but he forced himself to wait. Instead he pulled the ribbon from between his teeth and dangled it above her, just high enough that it didn't touch her skin. Then he smiled at her as he lowered the ribbon until it just grazed her skin and dragged it along the column of her neck. She could feel every pore come to life. He continued teasing her, intent on covering every inch of her body with the tip of the ribbon. He pulled it across her collarbone and down the sensitive skin along the inside of her upper arm. He grabbed her wrist and pressed it to the bed, exposing her armpit. She tried to wrestle her arm away because the prospect of him using the ribbon there made her ticklish before he even touched her. But he didn't let her arm go, instead holding it in place as he forced her to endure the overwhelming.

If he had simply dragged the entire ribbon along her skin it may not have been so bad. But the way he was holding it away from her so just the threads at its very edge grazed her skin made her mind spin and her back arch. "Oh my God, Elliot, _stop_."

He grinned. "I'm just getting started."

He released her wrist – it was the least he could do – then turned his attention to working the ribbon lower. He pulled it across the outside of her breast then slowly over her right nipple, lingering above it to heighten the sensation. Watching the skin around her nipple pucker tighter as her bud grew impossibly harder spurred him to drive his tongue into her mouth and kiss her hard and deep. She was grinding her thighs together, trying to rub away some of the pressure between her legs. She so wanted to be touched, but he was dead set on making her wait it out.

The ribbon dipped between her breasts before he let it dangle an endless moment over her left nipple. She bucked up toward him when she could endure it no longer. "Jesus Christ, Elliot."

He let her protest and wiggle underneath him. It was all part of his plan. Then he lowered his gaze over her stomach, following it with the ribbon grazing the soft skin there and dipping into her naval. He mouthed her breasts now, his warm tongue soothing where the fabric had set her skin on fire.

She appreciated his effort. She really did. She knew he was enjoying this, taking his time to make her feel good. But she had to move, had to retaliate. She snaked her hand between them and rubbed him on the outside of his boxers. She had felt his cock pressed into her hip as he tormented her so it didn't surprise her at all when she found him hard. But he wasn't having it. He tucked the ribbon into his palm and used his thumb and forefinger to grip her wrist and wrench it away from his body.

"Oh no," he scolded. "You're not gonna get away with distracting me."

There was that grin again. He was so fucking proud of himself. She sighed hard under him and relaxed her wrist, turning her attention to running her fingertips along his tricep as he started up his actions with the ribbon again.

He let the fabric dip along the sensitive skin at her waist before pulling it across her stomach again. Then he dipped lower, nudging her thighs apart with his elbow and exposing the soft flesh at her inner thighs. The way he'd teased her breasts had been torture, but she knew his work here would be glorious, so she let her knee fall open and surrendered herself to what was about to happen.

He smiled at her surrender and bit his lower lip as he brought the ribbon to the inside of her knee and began the long, perilous journey up the inside of her leg. She closed her eyes and moaned, the moist lace over her mound masking her subtle clenches. He didn't need to see or feel what was happening between her legs. He could tell from her face and her sounds that she was well past the point of ready. Ready for his mouth, his fingers, his cock. But he wasn't quite done yet.

He dragged the ribbon down the inside of her other thigh, stopping just behind her knee, then pulling it back up again. Then he ran it along the skin where the legs of her panties met her body. She drew her knees up and dug her heels into the mattress, willing herself to endure the sensation. Then he pushed her just that much further by dangling the edge of the ribbon directly over where her clit was pressing into her panties and swinging it over the lace-covered bud as she moaned. She could feel herself flower open, aching to welcome him inside. She needed to be filled. It was the only way to soothe the ache.

"Please Elliot. Please touch me. Do _something_."

He just kept grinning at her. Then finally he kissed her, dropped the ribbon on the pillow beside her and dragged his fingers over the lace between her legs. The pressure from his fingertips tethered her to reality as he licked over her nipples and ground his erection against her hip.

She reached to touch him again and this time he didn't stop her. He let her cup him and rub him and he moved his hips into her hand. As he moved, he pressed the pad of his middle finger harder against her clit in a circular motion. She moved her hips in rhythm with his fingers and released a series of moans that got louder as her orgasm built and finally rippled through her.

He felt her arch and spasm beneath the lace. "Fuck yes, Liv." He mouthed her nipples and kept his fingers moving to prolong her pleasure. Finally her arched back straightened and fell against the mattress, and she was left breathless under him. He kissed across her mouth, swallowing each breath she expelled until she finally opened her eyes. Part of her was livid with him that he'd managed to twist her into such a heightened state that she'd come without being penetrated by any part of him. He had such power over her body.

"I don't know how …"

"Why does it matter? As long as you feel good."

He was absolutely right. This was not about power or seduction anymore. And there was no longer room for selfish motivations. These days they were less about receiving pleasure and more about delivering it to the other.

She'd been so overwhelmed by her orgasm that her hand had left him, so now she was determined to get her hands back on him. She turned into him and dropped her hand down his body and into his shorts. He was painfully hard from watching her come and his girth more than filled her hand. She wrapped her fingers around him, stroking slowly and swiping her thumb across his tip. He kept working too, peeling her panties over her hips and down her legs, forcing her to release her grip on him momentarily.

Her nighty was still bunched above her breasts, and he was in no hurry to remove it. She'd worn it for him so he wanted to fuck her with it on. As she continued to manipulate his cock, he dragged his fingers up the inside of her thigh and settled them at her entrance. She was slick and warm, and pushing his middle finger into her was effortless. She expelled a breath at his entrance. He curled his finger inside her as he moved his hips against her hand and shifted his weight so he was nestled between her thighs now. She wrapped her hands around to his ass, slipped them inside his shorts and pushed them down over his muscled buttocks and thighs. She could feel his cheeks flex as his hips moved against her and she knew his muscles there would clench even harder when he was buried in her. The thought drove her mad.

Once he'd wiggled his shorts down his legs, he withdrew his finger, braced himself on his elbows above her and stopped moving. He stared into her eyes, offering gentle kisses as he smoothed the nighty back down over her breasts and stomach. Then he lowered his weight back onto her so he could feel the lace against his front.

She bent one knee and pushed her hand between them to cup him once again, giving him three more strokes before bringing his tip to her entrance. She gave his ass two soft taps with her other hand, signaling him to push. So he did, slowly pressing himself inside her. She arched into his push and received him, exhaling as he filled her. Every part of her had been worked up and waiting for this moment, for his entry to quell the empty ache inside her. It was always her favorite part.

He sunk as deeply as he could without pushing again and let his eyes dance over her face. Her eyes had slipped shut when he penetrated and she left them that way momentarily, savoring his size as he stretched her.

"Feel good?" he asked, wiggling his hips slightly to settle inside her.

"Mmmmmm. So good," she breathed, tapping his ass again.

He drew his hips backwards until only the very tip remained inside her then pressed forward slowly but firmly. He'd managed to drive deeper inside her and she grunted at his depth. So he did it again. And again. She was sure he was as deep as he could possibly go until she began moving her hips against him, creating a delicious collision as his cock thumped against her cervix.

She was so very full of him. The thought registered, as it always did. She still had respect for all the time she'd waited for him, so she always took stock of these moments when he was inside her. Only once had he been so blinded by lust and driven by emotion that he hadn't taken the time to work her body until she shook around him. Even if she hadn't been so in love with him for so long, she could never deny that he was the best lover she'd ever had. His sheer physical force coupled with the undeniable, honest pleasure he took from giving it to her made him different from any man she'd been with. And she'd never been with one this long, allowing for the time they'd spent learning each other.

Her mind raced with it all as he moved over her, inside her and she felt her eyes grow moist. He hadn't noticed yet because his eyes were closed as he channeled all of his emotion into the movement of his hips. There was no place he'd rather be than between her legs. But her words stirred him from his thoughts.

"Stay inside me tonight, El."

He opened his eyes to find hers, looking to confirm her request. It was then that he saw the tears. She knew he'd worry immediately, fear he'd hurt her or done something wrong. So she reassured him.

"Please don't stop."

He sopped up her tears with his lips then reached down behind both of her knees and drew her legs higher on his hips. The shift let him bottom out inside her and she cried out with emotional and physical need.

He felt as though he couldn't get deep enough. "God Liv, I wanna push right through you."

She knew exactly what he meant. Their emotional connection transcended the physical limitations of the act.

"I know, baby. I know," she huffed. "Harder."

He angled her hips up toward him and began thrusting harder and faster, pressing the head of his cock against her front wall with each pass. She fell to pieces around him, this orgasm deeper than the first now that her walls had him to clench around. She arched and threw her hips back up at him hard as the waves erupted in her belly and cascaded out through her lower lips.

The signals her body was sending through his sent him barreling toward his finish. He grunted as he felt it build. "Oliviaaaaaaa," he ground out as he pushed deeper into her and released.

"That's it, El. Come in me." She was practically pleading as his warmth spread through her. It had been two months since he'd come inside her. The sensation wasn't entirely new, but a welcome reminder of their earliest trysts.

He opened his eyes and found hers again, tears spilling softly from the sides of her eyes, tricking down her temples and spilling onto the mattress.

"You okay?"

"I'm sorry," she said, hastily wiping her eyes. "It's just … so much."

"Don't be sorry," he said softly, kissing her cheeks and then her lips in short pecks, as if he was dabbing a wound.

He couldn't remember ever feeling like this. Never in nearly 30 years of marriage. Not even in the previous times he'd erupted inside Olivia. There was a strange peace about it. Not strange in that it was weird. But strange in that it wasn't something he was used to feeling.

He withdrew from her body slowly, and she was reluctant to let him go. But she rolled slightly and pressed her back into his front, seeking a different kind of contact. He pulled the sheet up over them and wrapped his arm around her front, pulling her against him and breathing into her hair. Neither one wanted their night away from the world to end, but they needed to sleep. So softly, slowly they slipped.


	31. Chapter 31

_I could be pregnant._

It was the first thought that entered Olivia's mind when her eyes fluttered open 17 minutes before the alarm was set to sound. It was a complex thought laced with undercurrents of both hope and fear.

Her head was on Elliot's right shoulder, his chest rising and falling in a sleepy rhythm. The bed sheet was draped low on his waist, and her eyes traveled down his body and over his happy trail as she watched his torso rise and fall in time with his soft snores. Here with him, in the dim light of this hotel room, in this strange small town away from the world, she felt completely safe. They'd go back out into the world today and maybe even put their lives in danger during another day on the job, but right now things were perfect.

She wondered if they'd made a baby last night. There was no reason to believe that once would be enough, but her thoughts slipped into momentary fantasy that the sex they'd had just hours ago might have been different. She ran her fingertips up his bare side and along his upper arm. Slowly he began to stir.

"Hey," he said, kissing the top of her head. "How long have you been up?"

"A few minutes," she whispered in a throaty morning voice. "Just enjoying the view."

"You checkin' me out, Benson?"

"Always," she said, leaning into him and running her thigh up his hip.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"About 10 to 7," she answered. "Morning came too soon."

He skimmed his fingers through her hair. "It always does."

She could see the sheet tenting between his hips and knew he was sporting a significant morning hard-on. Even if she hadn't been lying naked beside him, biology would have made it happen. But that didn't mean she was willing to waste it.

She slid her hand under the sheet to stroke him as she moved close to his ear and spoke. "How about we take that into the shower?"

He groaned against the top of her head, the vibrations from his low timber rumbling through her chocolate locks. "I couldn't think of a better way to start the day."

Moments later he was behind her in the shower, fingering shampoo through her hair and posturing for position under the hot water stream. "Rinse," he said, nudging her to turn around and wash the shampoo out of her hair. She arched her back into the water and ran her hands through her hair. His erection bumped against her belly at he watched the water and suds slide over her breasts. Suddenly he was thirsty, leaning in to suck the droplets from her nipples.

She dropped her hands from her hair at the sensation of his mouth on her, pressing her palms into his shoulders to stay upright. He crouched lower, dragging his tongue down her stomach and dipping it into her naval. She giggled at the feeling but stopped laughing as soon as he grasped her left thigh and lifted it so her foot rested on the edge of the tub. She knew what was coming next.

He mouthed the sensitive flesh along her inner thigh, working his face towards her center, using the tip of his tongue to tickle the crux where her thigh and hip met. She ran her fingers through his wet hair and moaned as his mouth moved. Finally he brought his tongue to her folds, tensing it so its tip was firm against her softness. He used two fingers to part her so he could dip his tongue inside. She pulled one hand from his head and braced it against the shower wall to keep from falling. He wrapped one hand underneath her and dug his fingertips into her buttock to keep her upright and hold her flush against his face.

He slipped a finger into her opening and began to flick his tongue wildly over her sensitive bud. The leg she still had planted on the shower floor began to tremble and she feared it would give way. He felt her tense. He moved his arm up and held her around the waist to steady her. "I got you, baby," he said between licks. His lips vibrated against her as he spoke.

She opened her eyes and glanced down at him to find his eyes staring back up at her while his tongue kept its rapid pace. He needed only to slide his finger a nudge deeper and prod at her clit one more time before the waves of pleasure erupted inside her belly, clenching his finger. She writhed against his mouth as he held her tightly around the waist and made his tongue as hard as possible against her. The orgasm was fierce in the midst of the hot water and his relenting tongue. It ripped her energy away and she was left collapsing in his arms as he rose to his feet and held her against him.

He turned her then, raising her arms above her head and nudging her forward until her nipples touched the cold tile. She jerked at the sensation, but he wouldn't let her pull away from the wall. He ran his hands down her arms and pressing his hard-on against her ass as he rumbled into her neck. "So fucking hot."

He used his left knee to push her thighs apart from behind and widen her stance. She bent her arms at the elbows and laced them behind his head to hold on. She knew what was coming and she didn't want to miss a thing.

He used his chest to nudge her upper body into the shower wall and one hand on her left hip to pull her rear end back toward him. He stroked himself briefly then aligned himself with her from behind. She splayed her fingers on the tiles in front of her, bracing her hips for his entry. Her entire body was wet from both the water and his ways. Despite the need to press more upward than forward to enter her, he slipped in without hesitation, welcomed by her slickness. She gasped as he pressed his hips upwards and settled inside her.

She breathed deeply as he filled her. With her nipples still grazing the cool tiles in front of her, she settled her ass back against him and took his length. She pressed her splayed hands into the tiles as he kissed across her shoulder blades, gently rocking his hips forward and upward into her. He made slow work of it, tonguing away water droplets cascading over her back. Then he reached around and took her breasts into his hands, testing their weight as he pulled her slightly away from the wall and against him, never losing rhythm with his hips. She bit her lip and moaned at the way his cock was massaging her inside. She could stay here forever, or at least as long as the hot water held out.

He skimmed a hand down between her thighs and fingered her folds as he pressed into her from behind. She removed her hands from the tiles and ran them up his thighs behind her, finally grasping his hips so she could feel them move into her. It was intimate and completely erotic at the same time.

He moved his hands over hers on his hips then drew her hands forward and pressed them back against the tiles in front of her. He laid his palms over the back of her hands and intertwined their fingers as he picked up rhythm with his slow thrusts. She ground back against him and rested her forehead against the tiles between their hands. The sensation he was creating with this angle and pace was like one long soft orgasm, one that didn't peak and overwhelm her but that ran through her steadily, subtly.

They hadn't said much, one slick body sliding against the other in the steady stream of hot water. But as his climax approached, he had to tell her.

"There's never been anything like this, Liv. Like you."

He was letting her know that they were doing things and reaching places he never had even as a younger, more verile man. She'd had more lovers than him but even she hadn't been here, physically or emotionally. She felt an ascending urgency in his hips and increased pressure in his palms against her hands. It's how she knew he was going to come. She was ready. She didn't want this to end, but she also wanted every drop.

At the moment that the spasm barreled down his shaft and up into her, he squeezed their intertwined fingers and pressed his hips as deeply into her as he could, grunting against her neck as he spilled. The warm water spraying over her body matched the warmth within her. She pulled their hands off the wall and wrapped his arms around her midsection, clenching her inner walls around him in the most intimate of hugs.

Her body was overcome with relaxation and she wanted nothing more than to dry off and climb back in bed with him to sleep off her satisfaction. But as it had so many times before, duty called.

They'd spent considerable time in the shower so they dressed quickly to make their appointment at the sheriff's office. As they strapped on their guns and badges and zipped up their overnight bags, Elliot's curiosity got the best of him.

"Can I ask you something?"

She rolled her eyes. "This again? Why do you always ask permission? Why don't you just ask?"

He loved riling her up, and he was good at it.

"Why the tears?" he asked, thumbing her cheeks as if the tears from last night were still there.

He hadn't asked her about it last night and even though he himself had withheld his tears, he suspected he knew what she was feeling. It didn't stop him from inquiring.

"You're really gonna make me explain it?"

He just smiled at her, feigning innocence.

"I think I've earned the right to know what you're feeling," he told her.

He could read her body, but most times her mind remained shrouded in mystery. There had always been a mystique surrounding Olivia Benson. She was fiercely emotional and unwaveringly compassionate with victims. She wore he heart on her sleeve when it came to seeking justice for others, but she always seemed to keep her own emotions under wraps. She'd perfected it during life with an alcoholic mother and more than a decade of swallowing her feelings for a man who wasn't hers. He had learned to read between her lines over the years. And just as she had become well practiced at reining in his anger, he took it as a personal challenge to draw her out. Now more than ever.

He just kept looking at her, perched to wait as long as she'd make him. He was being Elliot. The only match for his honor was his stubbornness.

She sighed heavily and dropped her eyes from his, opting to examine his collar instead. "Last night ... it was so good. It's always good," she explained. "But now ... even this morning ... we could have ..."

She'd trailed off before getting to the toughest words.

"We could have what, Liv?"

_Fucker._

Strangely enough she'd managed to come right out with the three most powerful words in the English language months ago. Yet these three words challenged her. She took a breath, squeezed her eyes shut and jumped.

"Made a baby."

He broke into a grin larger than he probably should have. She was sexy as hell with her smokey eye shadow, long flowing locks and wine-colored silk blouse. But in this moment he found her painfully adorable. "I thought that was the point."

She blushed, fingering his lapels and rambling her response. "Well ... yeah. But don't you think that's a pretty big deal? I mean I know you've done that before. But to me ... this is huge."

"Please don't think this isn't a big deal for me. You're a big deal to me," Elliot explained firmly, lifting her chin so she had to look him in the eyes. "Don't overthink it, Liv. It will happen. And I'll never get tired of trying." He kissed her forehead then and held her against him just in case his words alone did not provide the reassurance she needed.

After inhaling breakfast, they made it to the sheriff's office on time and spent 35 minutes questioning their suspect before they concluded that he fit the profile for the pattern rapes and was worthy of transport back to Manhattan. The sheriff didn't give up easily, finally conceding to their argument that serial rape trumped simple assault in any county.

"Looks like we're going for a ride," Olivia announced to Ronnie Lee Miller when they returned to the interview room.

Miller looked up, curiosity flashing through his eyes. But he refused to give them the satisfaction of asking.

"Ever been to the Big Apple?" Elliot taunted.

"Ahh what the hell? I have a few hours to kill," Miller quipped with a grin.

Elliot grinned back. "Oh I think you'll want to pack a bag. You're gonna be a while, pal."

"Is that right?" Miller scraped his eyes over Olivia. It happened more often than not but it never got easier for Elliot to see her objectified by scumbags. "I'm down with that … but only if I get to take a ride on her."

Elliot's fists clenched at his side and he moved to take a step toward Miller. Olivia cut him off. "Don't." Then she grabbed Miller roughly by the arm, dragged him out of his chair and pressed him into the wall with her knee while she cuffed him.

"I doubt you have the horsepower, Ronnie," she told him as she roughly fastened his cuffs. "See, you're rockin' a four cylinder. But it takes a hemi to get me off."

Miller scoffed over his shoulder at her and shut his mouth as she pulled him off the wall and pushed him toward the door by shoving his cuffed wrists into his back.

Elliot opened his fists then and his blood pressure receded. _That's my girl.  
><em>  
>They ushered Miller to the car and Olivia shoved him into the backseat. As Elliot walked around to the driver's side, he grinned over the car at her.<p>

"What?" she asked, her tone tinged with irritation.

"Hemi, huh?" He was trying to rile her up again so he threw in his best smirk too.

He gave her so many reasons to roll her eyes at him. "Get over yourself, Stabler," she said, throwing an eyebrow at him. Then she ducked into the car and shut her door.

He lingered a moment, one foot inside the car and one foot on the pavement, drumming his fingertips on the car roof and grinning to himself.


	32. Chapter 32

"So today's the day," Cragen asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he spoke over his pair of detectives at their conjoined desks.

Elliot nodded. "It is," Olivia acknowledged, sitting back in her desk chair.

"What group are you in?"

"We both test at 10:30," Elliot answered. "We thought partners in separate groups might raise eyebrows so we're testing together. Didn't want them to think we'd share answers."

"Well played," Cragen offered. "I know you'll both do well." Then he nodded and walked off.

They drove to the testing together but entered separately. Elliot sat third row right, Olivia seventh row center.

Just short of three hours later, Olivia closed her test booklet and looked around the room. Elliot was still writing, and a few people had already finished and turned in their tests. Olivia took a deep breath and quietly pushed her chair back. She walked toward the test attendant, careful to keep her eyes off of Elliot. She exchanged polite smiles with the attendant, left her booklet on the front desk and made her way out of the auditorium.

After a quick trip to the bathroom she lingered in the lobby a few minutes before Elliot emerged from the auditorium's double doors. He scrubbed his hands over his face and locked his eyes on her. After three hours of filling in tiny circles, she was a sight for sore eyes.

"Hey," he said, his single word bathed in relief.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Glad that's over."

"Me too," she agreed.

He laid a palm on her lower back as they left the building. It was too little to arouse suspicions and just enough to let her know they were in this together. Once in the car and out of sight, he reached across the seat and took her hand as he spoke. "So what did you think?"

"I can't believe how many people were there," Olivia said with wonder. "There had to be a thousand cops in that room."

"And that was just_ one_ of the sessions," Elliot acknowledged.

"I think these will be the longest 30 days of our lives waiting for the results."

"C'mon Liv, we've waited a lot longer than that for something we wanted," he said with a sexy smile.

She returned the smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"No matter what happens," he said. "I'll go. We're clear on that?"

"Clear, yes. Happy about it, no."

"I think it's a good trade, Liv," he said, pulling their intertwined fingers to his lips and pecking her knuckles. "Giving up having you as my partner to have you in every other way? I'll take that deal."

"I know you're right, El. But change is never easy."

He switched gears then. "You know what?"

She turned to hear him out.

"Let's go out tonight. Provided we don't catch, let's go somewhere."

"I'd like that. Where?"

"I have something in mind. Trust me?"

"With my life."

XXXXXXXXXX

"You look really nice," Elliot said, raking his eyes over her adorned in a lavender wrap dress drawn at the waist with a belt that matched her black high boots. The fabric wasn't tight, but it hung just right against her curves and stopped just above her knee so when she sat beside him, it offered a glimpse of the tender skin between her knees.

"I have no idea where you're taking me, so I hope this is okay."

"It's perfect," he smiled, rolling his palm over her knee.

The steel blue button-down he was wearing set off the color in his eyes and the gray at his temples. He looked rugged and handsome. She couldn't resist leaning across the car seat to inhale his scent and lay a tender kiss on his lips. As she kissed him, she ran her fingertips up the thigh of his gray dress slacks, stopping just short of dangerous territory.

Soon they were seated across from each other in a Tribeca supper club, sipping white wine and admiring each other in the warm light thrown from the candle at the center of their small table. A jazz quartet was playing standards in a corner of the club, adjacent to a small dance floor.

"So you bring all your girls here, Stabler?" Olivia ribbed, glancing around the room.

"Only the hot ones."

"Sweet talk will get you nowhere."

"I beg to differ," he said with confidence. "Sweet talk gets me everywhere with you."

"And where exactly are you trying to be?"

"Anywhere you are, baby," he delivered in a low rumble that reverberated through her body. "Dance with me."

Her eyes fell on the small dance floor visible over his left shoulder. Two other couples were on the floor as the quartet lowered the tempo to a seductive pace.

"I don't know …" she said, feigning skepticism. "This low light, that rhythm, and you looking this good … could be dangerous."

"I'm game." He stood then, dropping his cloth napkin onto the table and extending his hand to help her up from her chair. She threw her eyes sideways at him. She was getting used to him having all the right moves in the bedroom, but this swagger he was strutting in public was new. Still, she laid her palm in his and rose from the table. He held her hand as he led her to the 20x20 dance floor then turned to take her in his arms. She stepped into his embrace, letting one hand rest gently on his shoulder while he held the other against his chest.

She rested her cheek against his, making note of how his slight stubble felt against her soft skin. She closed her eyes and inhaled him, pressing her chest to his and focusing on the small circles he was tracing on her lower back with his other hand.

The singer delivered the sweltering words in a deep baritone, and the saxophone set her hips swaying with his. He spoke softly in her ear.

"You feel good, Liv. This is good."

"Mmmmm," was all she managed.

He pressed himself more firmly against her. At this angle, his pelvis was against her hip and one of her legs moving between his. As he moved, she could feel him grow aroused, his erection pressing into her hip.

"Where did that come from?" she asked him in a whisper.

"Just feeling you, smelling you," he whispered back against her ear. "I spend most of my day like this."

"I figured you'd be over the novelty by now," she offered. She'd said it as a statement, but meant it as a question.

"Never," he said firmly. "I waited too damn long for you."

Satisfied with his answer, she pressed her luck. "Ever figure out exactly how long?"

He surveyed his thoughts while contemplating exactly how honest to be with his answer. He pulled his face back a little so he could look into her eyes. "You remember about a hundred years ago when you made a monster out of Cassidy?"

She looked slightly shocked that he'd traveled so far back in time. "God, El, that was …"

"He wanted more and you wanted him to leave you alone?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Do you remember what I told you?"

She smiled at the memory. "You gave me advice on how to get rid of him."

"Do you remember what else I said?"

"Not word for word, but …"

"I told you it happens." He said as if it had happened only yesterday and not 13 years ago. "That people who work together sometimes fall into bed together."

"Okay I remember something like that, yeah."

Then he delivered the knockout punch. "I wanted it to happen to us."

"Elliot …"

"You don't have to tell me I had no right, that I was married, that I was out of line to even think it."

She just held his gaze, running her mind over his words.

"But I thought it. I couldn't help it. I've wanted you that long."

She wasn't quite sure what to say, so she nestled herself back into his shoulder and felt him breathe. His steady rhythm settled her thoughts so she could speak.

"I didn't know, El. I mean, I think I knew years later, but not back _then_."

"I worked awfully hard to hide it, Liv. You have no idea," he said pulling his head back again so she had to face him. "But I kept it together because you deserved so much more than that from me."

They swayed together a few moments as the words hung between them. Then he pressed on.

"What would you have done?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I had let on back then what I was thinking … what would you have done?"

She sighed heavily against him. "It would have changed things between us. I don't think we would have had a chance to get to where we are now."

He held her against him until a single word made him want to see her eyes again. "But …"

He questioned her with his gaze, silently pleading with her to continue.

"… if you had told me … showed me … later, I would have lost the war."

"War?"

"The one I was fighting inside myself," she confessed. "If you'd given me a reason … any reason … especially when you were separated …"

"I really didn't think I'd hid it that well."

"Denial is a powerful thing, El. I made any excuse to reason away the signs. I still can't believe we're here."

"No place I'd rather be," he said softly into her hair. He shifted then so his erection was pressed against her belly. She deliberately moved into his arousal.

"Mmm, don't do that, Liv. Not here."

She pulled back and met his eyes one more time. "Then let's not be here." He studied her face then took her by the hand and left the dance floor. They gathered their coats, her purse, the check and, with barely another word – none really needed to be said – they left.

XXXXXXXXXX

She'd been in this spot so many times before – studying him from the passenger seat, eyeing his strong jaw, watching the streetlights flicker on his face. And so many times before, she'd been tempted to touch him, move in next to him. Only in recent months had she been allowed. But the years had been filled with so much restraint that she still had to remind herself that the invisible barrier between them no longer existed.

She pulled her left hand out of his grasp and moved his hand away from her. The move was curious enough to make him look over and make sure she wasn't upset. But when he saw her, he did not find worry, hurt or anger in her eyes. He saw want.

The honesty he'd shared tonight had stunned her at first. But the work he'd put in over the years to keep from crossing any boundaries was not lost on her. She wanted to replace some of that pain with pleasure.

She unbuckled her seat belt and drew her body next to his. She ran her right hand over his chest as she nuzzled into his ear, laying soft licks along the edge and dipping her tongue tenderly inside. He moaned softly as he drove. She pressed open-mouthed kisses to his cheek and neck as she opened one button of his dress shirt to slip her hand inside against his warm pecks.

"Feels good, Liv," he said.

She didn't use words. Instead she retracted her hand from his shirt and ran it down his torso until she found the bulge in his pants. She was tender at first, glazing her fingertips over the fabric along his hard-on. He shifted in his seat and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"We have a way to go yet, baby," he warned her. "You might want to slow down."

"Un-uuh," she argued breathily against his neck as her hand found his belt buckle and began working the leather out of the loop. "I don't want to wait."

"Christ, Liv .."

Taking down his zipper was a two-hand job, so she used her left to pull open his pants and her right to slip inside and stroke him. He was warm and hard in her hand and there was no stopping her now.

"Pull over, Elliot. Find somewhere and pull over." She'd said it quietly but firmly. He chose not to argue, instead steering the car down a darkened street and killing the lights as he brought it to a stop along the curb.

She took his hands from the steering wheel and laid them on either side of his thighs on the seat. She peered at him, wordlessly telling him to keep his hands where she'd put them. He was captivated by her intensity, letting his eyes slip shut and his head to fall back against the headrest.

She pulled him out of his pants and stroked him with her right hand as she went back to kissing his neck. He threaded his left hand into her hair, but she was quick to remove it and press it back onto the seat beside him. She warned him again with her eyes before dropping her gaze and lowering her head into his lap. He inhaled sharply at the moment her lips met his cock.

"God, baby …" he gasped.

She dropped her head as her mouth enveloped his length, taking him as deep as she could, which wasn't quite all the way. She drew her lips back up slowly, swirling her tongue along his underside and over the tip. He opened his eyes briefly to survey the street around them but when not even a leaf moved along the sidewalk, he closed his eyes again and gave himself over to the moment.

She didn't protest when he pulled his right hand from between them and laced his fingers through the back of her hair as she moved on him. There had been times over the years when he'd allowed himself to imagine this moment, to entertain the thought of her mouth on him. He always felt like a guilty son of a bitch for it, but he never reached a self-induced climax quicker. And he wasn't going to last long now.

She was passionate about her work, making love to him with her mouth. She was invested in the pleasure she was bringing to him and fully intended to finish the job. She cupped his balls with her hand as she moved her mouth along his length, pressing her tongue firmly against the sensitive nub on his underside. He bucked his hips up toward her at the sensation.

"That feels so God damned good, Liv," he breathed. "You can stop if …"

She smothered his words by pressing her lips more firmly around him and pulling her lips up his shaft with more determination. Without words, she'd made it clear there would be no stopping.

Finally, he relented. "But, baby, I don't want you to stop."

He couldn't see or feel the small smile her lips formed around him at his words.

She reached her left hand up and pressed it against the hand he had on her hair. She applied just enough pressure to let him know she wanted him to participate. He was torn. He wanted to press her head down on him, make her take more of him, but he didn't want to disrespect her. So he pressed down just a little. She responded with a moan and let him bump against her throat.

He began moving his hips in a subtle steady rhythm, his pelvis pressing up into her mouth, while his hand pressed down just the slightest bit. She knew he was holding back and she knew why. So she took it upon herself to work harder, take him deeper and moan a little louder so he would know she was completely on board with what was about to happen.

As the sensation built and he approached full throttle, she pressed her lips tighter around him and swirled her tongue furiously along his smooth skin. She steadied her pace to match that of his hips. She felt and heard his breathing quicken and his hips become more urgent. "Jesus Christ, Olivia, I'm gonna come."

That was the point really, so she buckled down for inevitable. She sucked him hard and hummed a long moan along his cock. He lifted his hips into her and called out, his deep rumble bouncing off the car's steamy windows. He spilled into her throat, his upper body trembling as his lower half was paralyzed by his orgasm. She never faltered, taking what he gave her and slowing her pace to soft strokes of her mouth along his twitching cock.

He was sweaty and breathless as the sensation subsided and she brought him down slowly with the longest of passes along his length before finally removing her lips and stroking him softly with her fingers.

She finally drew her head up and met his eyes. His head was still back against the headrest and his chest heaving as he looked at her through weary eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him, pressing her index finger to his lips.

"Shhhhh. You don't have to say anything. I already know, and it's fine."

She never ceased to amaze him. He pulled her against his chest and pressed a firm kiss to the top of her head as he held her until his breathing slowed. Then he pulled her head away so he could look at her. "I'd really like to take you home now," he said before kissing her tenderly twice on the lips.

She smiled softly up at him. "Alright then. Let's do that."

XXXXXXXXXX

Elliot sat on the end of the bed and put his socks on. He could hear her being sick in the bathroom. She'd been more tired than usual and irritable for days. And now she was having trouble stomaching food.

Olivia emerged looking pale. He eyed her suspiciously but said nothing. He knew she didn't want to hear it. She'd told him so the last 26 times he expressed concern.

But his silence didn't keep her from arguing as if he had actually said what he was thinking.

"I _know_, Elliot," she huffed, raising a palm at him in an effort to fend off another of his breaking health alerts. "I'm fine."

"You know, Liv, maybe this time you shouldn't be so stubborn."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Because maybe this time it's _not_ just about you."

"What?" It took her a minute to get his drift. "No. Just no."

He really didn't want to argue, but he needed to get his point across. "I don't want to say I told you so, but I've seen this before."

"It's a flu, El," she countered. "We've been working a lot of hours, many of them in the cold on this case. I'm just run down."

"Maybe that's all it is," he said skeptically. "Or maybe you should listen to someone else's advice for once. Get checked out. For me."

She scowled at him. She knew he was right, but she was so used to doing things her own way that she was still learning how to concede to someone else's terms. He was showing her the way.

Elliot had seen and heard enough. He rose from the bed and went to his suit jacket, which was hanging over one of the high stools at her breakfast bar. He reached into the breast pocket and withdrew a small brown paper bag. He walked back into the bedroom, where she was seated on the bed trying to decide if she needed to break for the bathroom again. He tossed the bag onto the bed beside her.

She looked up at him suspiciously before opening it and peeking inside. She opened her mouth to voice her protest, but he cut her off before she could get out a single word.

"Take it, Liv. I can stay or go while you wait. You decide." He waited a few beats. "But it's time."

She pulled a home pregnancy test out of the bag and stared at it for a moment. The last time she'd held one of these in her hands she was 20 years old and terrified. Now she was 46 and hopeful. Her expectations for the results were in stark contrast to those she'd had as a sophomore at Sienna College.

"And when exactly did you buy this?"

"Last night."

"And what makes you think ..."

"I don't think, Liv. I know."

He was doing what he did best. Being a pain in the ass. But she could see the concern in his eyes so, after delivering a heavy sigh, she conceded. "Okay I'll do it. Stay with me?"

"That's my girl," he said wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her forehead. "Of course I'll stay. We need to know. If something happened to you, I'd have to kick your ass." He smiled.

She looked up into his eyes, appreciating his effort to break through her stubborn exterior with stupid humor. She smacked his ass playfully. "Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, Stabler."


	33. Chapter 33

"Just gimme a minute, okay?" she said, stepping out of his arms and moving toward the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, opened the box and unfolded the directions. She looked at herself in the mirror, forcing herself to accept that a mere two minutes would be enough. Fourteen years and two minutes.

She did what she needed to do then set the stick on a clean washcloth on the sink and opened the door. He was there waiting. She went straight for her phone, set the stopwatch for two minutes and looked at him through eyes awash in vulnerability. He was on her immediately, pulling her into his arms and pressing her against his chest. "It's gonna be okay, Liv. No matter what happens here."

She snickered as she spoke. "Wanna hear something crazy?"

He nodded against the top of her head.

"I don't know what's scarier. Positive or negative."

"Either way we do what we need to do," he told her. "We keep trying. Whatever you want."

"You know I wouldn't be here without you."

Her statement was curious so he drew her away from him so he could see her face. "I don't follow."

"I wouldn't even be working on becoming a mom if it wasn't with you," she confessed. "Thank you for giving me this."

"Any man would be honored ..."

"I don't want any man, Elliot. I want you. I've always wanted you."

He absorbed her admission as he absorbed her body into his chest – with everything he had and no inhibitions.

Just then the alarm on her phone sounded and she was flooded with near panic. He felt her tense and pulled her to him again. "Olivia, relax. Nothing bad is gonna happen here. Either way, we handle it."

She was reluctant to leave his arms. So he spoke again into her hair. "Do you want me to go look?"

"No," she said, pulling out of his arms. "I need to do this. Just don't go anywhere."

He chuckled. "You really think I'd walk out now? Wild horses, baby."

She chuckled then too, drawing enough strength from him to move away and head toward the bathroom. She moved slowly, almost as tentatively as the cautious walk he'd taken to her bedroom the first night they made love. In that moment she truly understood what he'd been feeling that night.

Her bare foot moved off the bedroom carpet and onto the cool bathroom tile as she approached the sink. She forced herself to glance down at the test stick before she froze and began trembling. She turned to rush back to Elliot but he was already behind her, ready to pull her into his arms and absorb the tears that were already falling. He just held her until he could wait no more without asking.

"So those tears ...?"

"Good tears, El. Good tears."

"We made a baby?"

"We did."

Her tears left damp stains on his dress shirt, and he wasn't sure he'd ever wash this shirt again. He might retire it to his closet, testament to this moment in time when he was sure he held everything he wanted in his arms.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia fidgeted in the exam room chair. Minutes felt like hours as she waited for Dr. Kondas to enter. Finally she heard shuffling outside and the door opened.

"Oliviaaaa," the doctor said with a smile, pressing the chart against her chest and extending her hand to Olivia. "Glad you're back so soon."

Olivia couldn't suppress the smile that formed on her lips. "Glad to be back."

Dr. Kondas settled onto the wheeled stool and opened Olivia's chart. "Our time apart has been productive, yes?"

"Looks that way," Olivia said with a shy smile.

"Well no need for confirmation. If a home test says you're pregnant, then you're pregnant," the doctor explained. "We get false negatives but not false positives. I believe congratulations are in order."

Olivia smiled widely again. "Thank you, doctor."

The doctor waved a scolding finger. "Un-uuh. It's Cordelia. And where is our dear Elliot?"

"Work. We both couldn't get away," Olivia explained. "There will be other appointments he won't want to miss."

"Indeed there will be. So tell me, when was the start date of your last period?"

Olivia knew this answer. She'd been paying closer attention these days. "February 26."

The doctor was quiet a moment, locating the date Olivia provided on the gestational table in her chart.

"Well that puts us at about seven weeks," Dr. Kondas offered. "Conception would have been early March or so. Sound right?"

Olivia's mind traveled back to their night in Oneonta and the subsequent days. "Yes," she smiled. "That sounds about right."

"That means a baby in early December," the doctor concluded with a smile.

Olivia's eyes grew wide at the prospect. Before the next round of holidays - before her next birthday – she could be a mother.

"Wow," Olivia breathed, rubbing her palms down her thighs. "So ... now what?"

"Well …," the doctor began. "You keep taking care of yourself, eat well, take your vitamins. In a few weeks we'll get a look inside during your first ultrasound. We'll do a few because of your age. And we can do some additional tests on your baby ... if you want."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"But otherwise," Dr. Kondas continued, "we treat this as a healthy pregnancy until we have a reason not to."

Olivia posed a cautious question. "You think it might come to that?"

"I have no reason to think so," the doctor said, slapping the chart shut and placing a reassuring hand on Olivia's knee. "And you, my dear, cannot spend the next eight months worrying about it. You've got to take care of yourself … and love that man of yours."

Dr. Kondas had opened the door, so Olivia stepped through it. "About that ...?"

The doctor offered a knowing smile. "No restrictions. Do what you'd like as long as it's comfortable for you. In fact, once you're into the second trimester, you might be more than he can handle."

Olivia blushed a bit.

"Fact of nature," the clinician continued. "Hormones, increased blood flow, it all adds up to a healthy sex drive for most women in their middle months."

"And that's okay?"

"Perfectly. And when he's tired, get yourself a good book and read. Learn everything you can about what happening to your body. But I figure the detective in you is naturally curious and you'll do that anyway."

"Already started."

XXXXXXXXXXX

She drove back to the precinct on autopilot. When she arrived Elliot was still out on a case and she could barely contain her excitement. She felt like if he wasn't back soon she would burst. Just in the nick of time, he and Fin came bustling back in with two handcuffed suspects. He met her eyes immediately and couldn't dispense of the suspect in the holding cell fast enough.

"Gimme a minute?" he asked Fin in a low voice. Fin's eyes traveled from Stabler, across the squadroom to Olivia and back again. He nodded in agreement.

Elliot tossed his suit jacket over the back of his desk chair and looked her over. "Can we talk?"

She rose immediately and followed him upstairs to the cribs. The door was barely closed and locked behind them when she melted into his arms.

"It's for real, Elliot."

He released the breath he was holding and wrapped every inch of his arms around her. "So it's all good?"

"So she says," Olivia answered, pulling away to look up at him. "No worries until we have a reason."

"Happy, Liv? Because I'm so damn happy," he said, pulling her back in, this time for a longer embrace. She just hung onto him, and they swayed a little, celebrating with silence and synchronized breaths.

Finally she pulled back a little to face him again. "So I guess there are some difficult conversations we need to have. Cragen. The kids."

Elliot was unphased. There wasn't much that would rattle him in this moment. "When you're ready."

"Cragen needs to know sooner than later," Olivia said. "But your kids ... that's your call."

"Okay, let me think on that. In the meantime, dinner tonight?"

"I still don't have much of an appetite, but yeah, I think we deserve to celebrate a little."

They exchanged smiles before Elliot framed her face in his hands and pressed his mouth to hers. It held as much promise as their first simple, stolen kiss in the squad room months ago.


	34. Chapter 34

She was beautiful. She'd always been beautiful. Even in all those moments over the years that he wished like hell that she wasn't. Some might say she was gorgeous to the point of distraction. But pregnancy looked especially good on her. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, her eyes bright and her breasts just a little fuller. His heart was full as he looked at her. But he felt like a shit because, even though she was almost two months pregnant with his child, he was having elicit thoughts about her.

As she'd done so many times before, she'd caught him looking. And as usual, he simply didn't give a damn.

She questioned his gaze. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, prying his eyes away from her.

She wasn't buying it so she questioned him quietly. "Tell me," she coaxed, leaning forward in her chair.

"Can't say it."

"Shy?"

"Scared."

She was amused by his reluctance. "Of what?"

"It's so wrong," he said, breaking her gaze momentarily. "You'll hate me."

"Try me."

He couldn't resist anything she asked him do. So he ripped the top sheet off his yellow legal pad and started to write. He hesitated momentarily as if he wasn't sure it was wise to put his thoughts to paper. He looked over at her again and then, his mind made up, finished scribbling his note. He quarter-folded the sheet and tossed it onto her side of the desk.

She was amused by his choice to pass a note instead of speak his mind. "What are you, twelve?" she quipped, launching one of her deadliest combinations - a smirk and a raised eyebrow – across their desks. But her grin didn't last long. Her expression changed to utter surprise as soon as she unfolded the sheet and read his words.

_Do you have any idea how bad I wanna stick my dick in you right now?_

She shifted in her chair, his words stirring sensations in her lower belly and beyond. She threw her eyes toward him. He was clearly amused at her surprise. He loved watching her squirm because he was sure that, at this very moment, she was imagining him doing just that.

She countered with a note of her own.

_How do you think I got this way?_

He snickered when he read it. He grinned at her then scribbled his response and tossed it over.

_I __**know**__ how you got this way._ He underlined know twice.

She eyed him again, resting her chin on the heel of her hand and staring him down momentarily. He knew she was up to something. Finally she broke his gaze and scribbled another message on the paper, refolded it and tossed it over.

_Tell me how you'd do it._

Well, shit. He hadn't expected that. He'd started it, but she was upping the antie. Game on.

He smirked at her as he wrote his response, then glanced around the room to see if anyone was watching before he flicked the paper back onto her side.

_Here on the desks._

As she read it she raised another eyebrow at him and tilted her head slightly, as if his idea didn't sound all that bad or that she'd imagined it herself.

She wanted to know more.

_With all these people around?_

Elliot looked around the room and thought for a second before scribbling his response.

_No. In my version they aren't here._

She was quick penning her note of reply. She seemed proud of what she'd written, smiling as she watched him read it.

_Too bad. In my version they are._

He dropped his pen and sat back in his chair, unable to mask his surprise. He threw his eyes up at her again and saw a look of complete amusement outlined in her glowing features. He was done writing then. This time he didn't use words but his fingers. He scraped one index finger over the other, silently scolding her for being such a naughty girl.

Cragen had stepped into the bullpen in time to see the last note fly between their desks. Whatever game they were playing, Elliot's expression made it obvious that Olivia was winning. He suppressed his amusement and took the high road. "People this isn't junior high. Can we focus?"

Elliot and Olivia feigned innocence. Fin just shook his head. As far as he was concerned, you could cut the sexual tension between them with a knife. He was willing to provide the cutlery if they'd just get it over with already. "Damn shame." He'd said it to himself but loud enough, apparently, that Elliot heard him. Fin caught the dirty look from his colleague. "Yeah I know, Stabler. Screw me."

Olivia heard the exchange and questioned Elliot with just an eyebrow. "Forget it," he told her. "You don't wanna know."

Just then Munch chimed in, in his own Munch way. "People, did you know that homosapiens are the only multi-celled organisms to routinely engage in sexual contact for reasons other than procreation."

All three detectives just glared at him. Cragen shoved his hands in his pants pockets, snarling "Shut up, Munch" as he shuffled back to his office. Along the way, he gave Benson and Stabler a scolding look.

XXXXXXXXXX

"How much longer you have on the Barston paperwork?"

Benson and Stabler looked up from the files on their desks two hours later to find their captain standing over them. Olivia dropped her pen, sat back in her chair and looked over at Elliot. "I'd say another half hour. El?"

"About the same."

"You two feel like lunch afterwards?"

The detectives eyed each other again, processing their mutual surprise at their captain's invitation.

"Well we gotta eat, so yeah," Elliot answered. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Don't get carried away, Stabler," Cragen smirked. "Nothing fancy. Sandwiches at Barney's around the corner?"

All nodded in agreement. "Fine then. Let me know when you're ready."

As Cragen made his way back to his office, Benson and Stabler exchanged curious looks.

"What's that about?" she asked.

"Guess we'll find out."

About 45 minutes later, the trio entered Barney's deli and ordered sandwiches. They settled around a small round table so cozy that the wax paper from their sandwiches overlapped.

Olivia threw Elliot a inquisitive look. He acknowledged her with his eyebrows, so she opened her mouth to speak. "Look, Cap …"

"Me first," Cragen said, raising his palm to interject. Olivia acquiesced and let her superior officer and would-be father figure drive the conversation.

"So we could have gone someplace fancy for this, but that's just not our style," Cragen smirked. "I have your exam results."

Both detectives set down their sandwiches and sat back to give him their full attention.

"Congratulations to both of you," he said with a wide smile. "You both passed."

"That's good news, Cap," Elliot said. Olivia nodded her approval, her relief.

"Benson you ranked 48th, Stabler 54th," he announced, his eyes dancing between them for any signs of the competitiveness they'd exhibited so many times in the past. He saw none, which signaled to him that the dynamic of their relationship had shifted. He just wasn't sure how much.

"So what happens next?" Olivia inquired.

"You tell me," Cragen said. "How do you want to play this? I assume you both know what this means."

"Of course," Elliot acknowledged. "If we both accept the rank and the pay bump, one of us transfers out."

"Right …," Cragen began, but Elliot cut him off.

"That's me. I'm going."

Cragen was startled at how firm and forthcoming Elliot was with his decision. "Benson?"

"We've talked about this. It's best for Elliot to take the transfer."

Cragen crumpled his napkin and drew a sip of soda through his straw. "I don't want to lose either of you, but I guess this has been a long time coming." He eyed them carefully, pressing his point with his gaze. "A lot of things have been a long time coming."

"There's more," Olivia said, her expression growing more serious as the seconds passed.

Cragen gave her his full attention now. Under the table, Elliot stroked her leg as a gesture of encouragement for her to continue.

"Well don't keep me in the dark here," Cragen said. He expected Elliot to carry the burden of big news, but Olivia pressed on.

"Don …," she paused, tucking her hair behind her right ear and licking her lips. "Elliot and I …. uh … I'm pregnant."

Cragen's eyes grew wide, but he fought to temper his shock so as not to dishonor the courage it took Olivia to tell him. He flicked his eyes between his two detectives. Elliot smiled just a little, a twinge of pride seizing his expression in the wake of Olivia's announcement.

"Well, alright then," Cragen said. "I guess more congratulations are in order."

Olivia finally exhaled and smiled too. She felt lighter in the wake of her confession and relief at her captain's reaction. "This kind of complicates things a little further I guess."

"Maybe not," Cragen said.

"Enlighten us, please," Elliot encouraged.

"Benson, you know pregnancy means mandatory desk time?"

Olivia nodded.

"So how about we do this …," Cragen explained. "Stabler, you take the rank now and stay with us for the time being. And Benson, we table your promotion until after the baby and we keep the squad together for now. It makes for a more gradual transition. You're probably up to your ears in transition right now."

Olivia snickered. "Indeed."

"That good with you, Liv?" Elliot asked. "We switch it out slowly?"

Olivia smiled at him. "Yeah … I think it's a good plan. For all of us."

"Well alright then," Cragen said. "This cat is yours to let out of the bag with the squad. I'll handle the administrative duty paperwork for Olivia."

Both detectives nodded. "And Stabler, you'll ride with Fin for now?" It wasn't a question really.

"Yeah Cap, we'll make it work."

The finished their lunches and rose from the table. Cragen shook Elliot's hand firmly and pecked Olivia on the cheek. "I really _am_ happy for both of you. You've both earned this. All of it."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Uuuuuhhhhhhhhh," Elliot growled out, finally stilling his body atop Olivia and panting into her shoulder. He lifted his head and kissed her before rolling off of her and landing on the mattress beside her. They lay side by side staring at the ceiling, their sweat slicked bodies breathless in the aftermath of their lovemaking.

"Well, _you're_ feeling better," Elliot told her with a grin.

"I've missed that," she said, returning his grin.

"You're sure it was okay?"

"It was more than okay, El. Always is."

Finally he rolled into his side and propped his head on his elbow so he could look down into her eyes. He trailed his fingers over her naked stomach, gingerly tracing the slightest of baby bumps.

"You'll tell me when it doesn't feel okay? I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you never would," Olivia said, dismissing his concerns. "I promise, the second something doesn't feel right, you'll know. But I think that will be a while."

"Yeah?"

"I'm just getting back in the groove," she told him. "Don't think this is a vacation, Stabler. I'm a raging ball of hormones here."

He chuckled and kissed her again. When the kiss broke she was still smiling. Then as a question entered her mind, her expression fell serious.

"Did you do this ... I mean ... with Kathy?"

"Liv ..."

"No I'm serious," she persisted. "Did she want to ... when she was pregnant?"

Elliot rolled onto his back again, surveying the ceiling with his eyes and the past with his mind. "Maybe with Maureen and Kathleen. We were a lot younger then," he explained cautiously. "But when she was carrying twins, I think it was the furthest thing from her mind."

"And with Eli?"

"Liv, why are you doing this?"

"I just want to know."

He knew better than to add fuel to her fire, but he also knew nothing would set her mind wandering more than his silence. "Look Olivia, you _know_ that by the time she was pregnant with Eli, my heart wasn't in the marriage. You _know _where my heart was."

"But your body was still there."

"Stop. Just stop," he ramped up. "I can count on one hand the number of times I had sex with Kathy after the Royce case. It _doesn't matter, _and it's not doing us any good to talk about it."

She was quiet then, finally resolved to not pry or torture herself any further. Elliot let silence pass between them for many moments. Finally he rolled toward her again, pulled the top sheet up to cover her naked body and caressed her cheek.

"Liv, I want to do this right."

She looked up at him, a silent inquiry painted over her face.

"You were clear about what you wanted to get us this far. The tests, the divorce. Now there's something I want."

"Okay," she said. "Just say it."

"I want this baby to have my name. I want you to have my name," he testified. "Marry me."

"Elliot ..."

"Hear me out."

But she cut him off. "Why do we need formalities ... a piece of paper … to make us what we already are?"

He scrubbed his hands over his face as his frustration rose. "I'm not saying this just because you're carrying my child. I want you. I would have asked you anyway."

"We know how we feel about each other," she argued. "I don't see why we need to ..."

"What are you afraid of?" He'd gone right for the kill and she was stunned that he knew. But he always knew.

She pulled the sheet up higher around herself, but failed to answer him.

"Olivia I am not going anywhere. You know that don't you?"

She was still quiet.

"Liv?"

"Yes," she finally squeeked out.

"You'd have a real hard time getting rid of me at this point," he continued. "Baby or no baby."

"El, there's so much happening. Do we have to do this now?"

Elliot rolled away from her and sat up. "Wow," he said quietly. He grabbed his sweats off the floor and pulled them on before leaving the bedroom entirely to process his hurt.

Olivia pulled on her short silk robe and followed him. She found him facing away from her in the kitchen, hands on the countertop and nursing a glass of water. He heard her approach.

"Committing to me seems like a real burden for you."

She ran her hands through her hair and sighed heavily as she approached him. "El ..."

She moved up behind him and laced her arms around him, resting her cheek on his bare shoulder.

"I didn't mean it like that. You are _not_ a burden to me, Elliot. God, you're _everything_."

Her words were enough to make him remove his hands from the counter and bring them to rest on her forearms that were wrapped around his midsection.

"Then why won't you marry me?"

"I will. I _will_ marry you," she said softly. "I just don't want to add that into the mix right now. Our roles are changing at work, I have a baby on the way ..."

"My baby."

"Of course it's your baby."

"That's not what I meant, Liv," he pressed. "I mean let's do this right. Let me give you both my name."

"This baby's last name will be Stabler," she said without hesitation. "I promise you that."

"But you don't want my name?"

"It's not about a name. El. I want every bit of you."

"Then marry me, Olivia. It doesn't have to be a big deal."

"To you it is."

"We'll do a civil ceremony, something quick," he argued. "Unless, of course, you want more."

"You mean the whole fairy tale?"

"Well yeah. You deserve that, Liv. But I know you, and I know you don't imagine it that way."

"You're right," she acknowledged. "Besides nothing about us is conventional. That's not us."

"We don't have to hide anymore. We can be anything we want."

"I like us how we are," she said simply. After a moment of silence, she continued. "But ask me ... _really_ ask me ... and chances are good you'll get the answer you want."

He turned his cheek and nuzzled it into her head. "Yeah?"

She squeezed her arms around him and kissed him between his shoulder blades as she snuggled her belly that held their baby into his lower back. It was the only acknowledgement he needed.


End file.
